I was recently asked to submit an article for a website called: Power of Moms. I believe I mentioned them in my last post, but basically it's a great, free site, that focuses on "deliberate motherhood." But it's been challenging for me to write an article for the site because I keep thinking, "what do I know?" And then I realized, that I had this misguided notion that people who write about or teach about or give talks about motherhood are somehow perfect--that they have perfect families with kids that are always well behaved who always make the best choices. Or I thought that they must be the type of moms who always speak with a soft tone and whose children hug them goodbye every time they leave the house (or something equally June Cleaver-like.) Then it hit me--wouldn't I want parenting advice from someone who actually understood what I was going through? Who best to help other moms in challenging situations than a mom who has lived it? And let me tell you, I've lived it alright.
So with that in mind here are some things that as a mom I do know:
1. As a good friend told me recently, "Don't compare your family's 'Behind the Scenes Story' to another family's 'Highlights Reel.' That seems so obvious and yet we do it. All.The.Time. Someone at church once said to me that they wished they had a perfect family like mine. I literally laughed out loud. I do not have a perfect family. You do not have a perfect family. Let's keep that in mind shall we?
2. If you don't set limits with your children at a young age, you are in for a world of hurt at an older age. Believe me, it's much easier to control the actions of a 5 year old than it is the actions of a 17 year old. So when you have put your preschooler on timeout for the 5th time that day for talking back, stick to your guns. It's making you crazy now but it will save your sanity later.
3. To avoid going completely nuts when you have teenagers you must learn to not let their moods affect your moods. As one of my favorite parenting authors says, "keep their wind out of your sails." Seriously. That idea was a life saver to me. Teens will be moody. Often. If you let your attitude be affected by their attitudes you're in for a world of hurt. It was tough enough being a teen when I was one--I don't want to relive it 6 more times.
4. Take time to focus on the good in your children. Too often it's easy to get caught up in all they are not doing versus the other way around. Maybe their room looks like a bomb went off and they forget to take out the trash but aren't you glad that they keep their curfew, are kind to their siblings, and notice when you actually cook dinner? One of the best things I ever did while in the middle of a challenging parenting time was to make a list of all the troubling things my child was doing and then a list of all the great things they were doing. The first column had a grand total of 5 items. The 2nd? 26! And yet I was spending all of my time fixated on those 5 negative ones. Look for the positive.
5. Give yourself a break. I mean this literally as well as figuratively. Every Monday I go to lunch. By myself. It's my time to eat tacos and read a book and get myself recharged for the week ahead. While I'm doing that it's a reminder to me that as a mom, I don't have to perfect--I just have to try my best and trust that in the end, things will work out.
Motherhood is so very hard but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Most days:)
