Best Month Ever!

Recently I joined a Facebook group called "The Best Month Ever" based on the principles in the book "The Miracle Morning" By Hal Elrod
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00AKKS278?keywords=miracle%20morning&qid=1448393293&ref_=sr_1_1&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

I won't go into a lot of detail but basically the premise was to have "The Best Month Ever" using the strategies Hal taught.  (I guess it doesn't take a genius to deduce that...)  Step one was to set a goal for the month and then begin posting in the FB group about how your goal and "Miracle Mornings" were going.  I was more of a silent observer in the group and it was fun to read along as people set some pretty lofty goals:  lose 15 pounds, start a business, write a book, etc.  My goals were a bit smaller and honestly, I struggled with coming up with my "Best Month Ever" goal.  But here's what I realized:

I like my life.  I like being a mom.  I like the mundane (except cooking--never cooking).  I like waking up in the morning and planning what I'm going to organize, what errands I'll run, who I will talk to, how I will serve.  I find joy in my 15 minutes of scripture study and my half hour of morning yoga.  I like making a cup of hot chocolate for my daughter and handing it to her as she walks out the door.  I like morning prayers and a kiss with my husband and the sound of my boys coming home from school.  I like calls from my college sons, emails from my missionary and lunch with my mom. I like good talks with friends, the chance to serve with good people and worshiping every Sabbath.

Sure--there are hard times and worry and stress.  There are stages in life I'm not anxious to repeat and I spend my fair share of sleepless nights trying to solve the world's (or the marching band's) problems.  Someday I would like to be a speaker and writer and serve a mission with my husband and travel the world.  Someday.

The last four weeks allowed me to recognize all those things.  To be grateful for my simple, some may say, boring life.  To appreciate the blessings I have and the people I associate with.  I may not have had the loftiest goals but I can honestly say, I did have The Best Month Ever.

Why We Parents Need To Eliminate the Drama

I've had a few conversations in the last couple of weeks surrounding the topic of drama.  Specifically, adults who create/live by/encourage drama in their lives and the lives of their families.  Honestly, I don't get it.  I hail from the "why would you rock the boat anymore than it's currently rocking" camp. I mean, life has enough of it's own natural drama--why add to it you know?

 I  believe that often, those that live with a lot of drama don't recognize it for what it's worth.  They are so used to that state of constant uproar that it's hard to take a step back and see it for what it is.

SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE SWIMMING IN DRAMA:

1.  There's a lot of yelling at your house.  Some kid or teenage yelling is a little normal.  If it's happening on a daily basis and if it involves you as a parent yelling back, that's drama.

2.  Crying and whining are abundant, particularly if you as the parent are participating.  If you're swimming in tears, that's drama.

3.  The yelling/whining/crying is followed up with equally emotional declarations of love or apology. Love and forgiveness are a good thing--that wide swing between emotions?  Drama.

4.  You use a lot of superlative phrases.  Things like "This is the WORST month ever!"  or "I"m NEVER going to trust you again."  It goes the other way too:  "This is the BEST year of my life."  Superlatives=drama.

5.  You are easily offended and so are your children.  So.much.drama.

So why is drama bad?  We certainly don't want to live in an emotional neutral zone all the time, right?  Of course not.  Some days will be bad and some will be great.  That's the natural course of life.  But often, because we don't know how to control or handle our emotions they get the better of us and take over to the detriment of our relationships.

Kids need stability to feel secure and build self esteem.  Self esteem comes from a sense of well being.  Well being comes from feeling emotionally secure.  Drama is the opposite of that.  It puts our children in a constant state of unbalance.  You know that feeling of walking a balance beam?  Who wants to live emotionally like that?  It's unnerving.

Now, I'm not saying do everything at all costs to keep things on an even keel.  Part of learning to be resilient is to deal with uncertainties and difficult moments.  But like I said in the beginning, life will naturally present itself with those things--we don't need to add to them.  So here are some tips for avoiding drama in your lives and your children's lives:

HOW TO AVOID THE DRAMA:

1.  Remember you are the adult!  Kids have enough drama, they don't need you stirring up more.  Listen to their school or friend issues but don't get in the middle of it.  Let them sort it out.  Nod, sympathize but don't fan the flames.

2.  Make your home neutral.  When kids walk in the door they need to feel emotionally safe.  Smile, give them space if they are cranky, and tell them you love them.

3.  Set boundaries.  When kids know what to expect and you hold them accountable, that increases their sense of security.  Remember, security=better self worth.

4.  Stop yelling.  I'm serious.  I cannot come up with one good reason to yell--unless life or limb is in peril.

5.  Stop being offended.  I really believe we choose to be offended.  I also believe that very few people are out to offend anyone else.  If they do offend, it's usually unintentional.  If for some reason it IS intentional, that's their problem.  Like Idina Menzel says, "Let It Go!"

As parents, let's be the adults in our homes and social circles.  Our children will watch how we handle our emotions and pattern their own after us.  What kind of example are you setting?  I know I can be better, can you?

How I'm Organizing My Poor Scattered Brain

My Weekly Review

I mentioned several months ago that I had embarked on a new system to organize my life.  It is called "Mind Organization for Moms" and I stumbled upon it sort of by accident, but it's been a game changer for me.  I used to wake up feeling behind and go to bed feeling behind.  It was a constant game of "catch up" that was slowly making me crazy.  I had so many things "in my head" that most of it was falling through the cracks.  I've had some people ask how the system is working for me and so I thought I would post an example of how I work the system.  (I have tweaked it for my own use and so while I don't follow it to the letter, I do stick mostly to it.)

For today, I will explain one portion of it--"The Weekly Review."  This is based on the "Getting Things Done" system by David Allen and has been adapted by April Perry of "Power of Moms" for moms.  https://hm156.infusionsoft.com/app/storeFront/showProductDetail?productId=34 Basically, the "Weekly Review" is the process where once a week I process all of the papers, notes, calendars, to-do lists, etc and put it into my system.  (If there is interest, I could go into details about my entire system, but for today I'll keep it simple.)

Above is my "machine."  Notice the in-box in the middle with a stack of papers (and ballet shoes:)  These are all the things from the week that need to be "processed."

I start with the first thing on the pile.  My goal is to get everything either filed, recycled, or dealt with if there is an "action" item.  Here are some examples:

Item:  Ballet Shoes

Ok--this isn't paper, but it WAS in my in-box...Kennedy's ballet shoes need to be sewn.  She brought them home a few days ago and I told her to put them in my in-box.  Because I need her home to measure where the straps go, I put them upstairs next to my sewing box and added "sew ballet shoes" to my "Home" list on my Wanderlust app.  I check that list daily so it will get done tonight.

Item:  certificate for one of the boys.  I just needed to file this so I went to the file cabinet, opened up to the "McKay" file and placed it in there.  It took about 15 seconds.

(I apologize for the sideways photos but I was wasting WAY too long trying to fix them and I have a Costa Vida lunch date with myself that I don't want to miss!)

Item: Invitation for an activity for Kennedy.
Action:  I put the the date and info in my google calendar (2nd sideways pic) and recycled the invitation.

Item:  Permission forms for above service activity
Action:  I placed this in the "October"  "tickler file".  Basically I have a folder for each month that has items specific to that month.  Since the activity was in October, that's where it goes.  (You can place a "t" next to the item on your calendar so you remember where it is.)

Item:  Letter to send to my Grandma

Action:  I just needed to address this and stick it in my purse to mail on my way out the door.  (If any item takes less than 2 minutes to deal with, I deal with it right then.)

Item:  Kennedy's band schedule for the year

Action:  I put each of the dates in my calendar and put the paper in the "Kennedy "file on my counter top file box.  (There was info on the back that may come in handy but I didn't need to be aware of it at the moment.)

Item:  Email list and notes for an "Alumni" email list I'm making for the marching band I am currently booster president of.

Action:  Because this is part of a larger project (something April calls a "current project" I identified what my "next action" would be which was review the list and compare with another list I have.  I listed that action item on my wunderlist "computer" to do list and placed the paper in my  "Alumni" current projects folder which goes in my file box on the counter.

 Item:  Fundraising list
Action:  This was put in my "fundraising" current projects folder but required no action at the moment as I am waiting on some info.  That info went on my "waiting list" (see picture below).  This is my list which are items that I'm waiting to hear back from someone before I can move forward.

Item:  WW registration
Action:  I needed to go on line and register my etools number so I could keep getting free access.  I did that (took less than two minutes) and recycled the form.

 Item:  Costa Vida Survey--I really have a thing for Costa...I wanted to fill out the survey so I could get free chips and salsa today.  I did that (took less than 2 minutes) and placed the receipt in my wallet next to my visa so I don't forget to use it.

 Item:  Car repair receipts

Action:  Filed it in the "Camry" file in the file drawer.  (Incidentally, after reading Marie Kondo's book I was pretty ruthless with paring my files down to the absolute minimum.  I only have one file drawer about 2/3s full and it's more than enough.


Eventually, I'm rewarded with this:

An empty in box!  I can't tell you how refreshing it is!  This weekly review is just one part of the process.  I also do a few things that are really helping:

1.  Processing paper as it comes in if at all possible.  I find about 75% of it can be thrown straight out or I can put it in my calendar quickly and recycle it right then.

2.  Processing my emails daily--I really try to get my emails down to zero every day.  That's a whole other post though...

3.  Putting EVERYTHING down on paper!  This is HUGE for me!  Things that I need to do get put either on my to-do lists on my app, in my calendar or written on a piece of paper that is put in my in box to be dealt with later during the weekly review.  Getting everything "out of my head" has been life changing.

So---this hasn't been the most entertaining blog post, but maybe it's been helpful?  This journey to get organized is really evolving and it's made me a better person.  At least I feel a lot more sane!

The #1 Thing That Will Make You A Better Mother

The #1 Thing That Will Make You a Better Mother

I’m going to share with you the best piece of advice my parents gave me.  Just prior to getting married they told me that to be the best mother, I needed to make a weekly date night with my husband a priority.  Luckily, they had set a great example—from the time I can remember they had Friday date night.  Why is this one piece of advice so important?  Because it clearly defined what the most important relationship in my life would be—the relationship with my husband.

I remember as a mother of three young kids, talking about this idea of a weekly date night with a friend.  She disagreed when I told her that being a wife was my first priority.  “No, I WAS a wife, now I’m a mother” is what she said.  Does that ring a bell with anyone?  

Here’s the thing—at the end of the day, it’s going to be me and Dave against the world.  Our kids will grow up and leave.  (They will grow and up and leave, right??)  They will get married and have families of their own and when our last moves out I don’t want to look at Dave and wonder who he is.  Because I’ve seen when that happens and the results aren’t pretty.

So what does a weekly date night DO exactly? 

1.)  It Gives Us A Break From the Demands of Motherhood.  

It is HARD being a mom!  When they are little it’s physically demanding and as they get older it’s more emotionally demanding.  We need a break.  Preferably with dinner out and not returning until the kids are asleep. (Because let’s face it—bedtime, or the “witching hour” as I like to call it, is the most emotionally draining part of our day.)  

2.) It says to our children “I love you, but I love your Dad more.” 

I want my kids to know that my relationship with their father is the most important thing in our lives.  It makes us united, it makes us stronger and it sets an example for our kids to follow.  Just the other night we took five of the kids to the movies and as we filed into the row Dave went first followed by the kids and then myself.  But I noticed that the kids left a seat open next to Dave—for me.  Because they know how we operate.  In it together.  

3.) It Builds Intimacy.

A weekly date gives Dave and I time to remember why we liked each other in the first place.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the drama and chaos of raising kids that we can forget to connect on an emotional, let alone physical, way.  By setting aside at least one night a week, we guarantee we have time for each other.

Now I know there are skeptics.  I’ve heard it all:  “sitters are too expensive,” “my kids need me”, “they won’t behave if I’m not there,” “there’s not enough time.”  Here’s what I have to say to that:  “Baloney!”  There’s nothing more worth your money than this investment in your marriage.  Go without take out one night or a new outfit.  Trade babysitting with a friend or ask a relative.  I promise you, there’s a way to get a sitter.  You’re right—your kids DO need you—just not every second of every day and if you are telling yourself otherwise you are grossly overestimating your importance.  Or using it as an excuse to NOT spend time with your spouse.  As for your kids’ behavior:  they will probably behave better for a sitter than you.  And if they don’t?  So what?  That’s what you pay the sitter for!  Not enough time?  Then you seriously need to reevaluate your life.  Because there’s nothing more important.

I stand by the caption for this blog post.  The #1 thing you can do to be a better mother is a weekly date night.  I dare you to try it.  Call a sitter, go out to dinner and order a Diet Coke in my honor. You won’t be disappointed.

Change is a coming...

“Winds in the east, mist coming in, like somethin’ is brewin’ and bout to begin.”  

—Bert, from Mary Poppins

It’s a season of change here at the Morgan house.  As I type this we are loaded into our 15 passenger van and headed to Utah to drop our 2nd and 3rd son off for their first year of college.  As we piled into this trusty “SIXKIDS” vehicle, Dave remarked that for the next several months it will probably get little to no use outside of the occasional request to drive it for church activities.

We’ve had a lot of adventures in this van.  We brought Kennedy home from the hospital in it, strapped in among her 5 older brothers.  We’ve hauled snare drums and band judges. We’ve driven it to competitions, dance practices, music lessons, back to school shopping outings, family vacations and more scout activities than I can count.

Our family is growing smaller.  Our kids are growing up and doing good things but it’s bitter sweet.  It’s remarkable to see them becoming young adults, but the days of dressing them all in matching shirts for our Disneyland vacations, or sitting around the dinner table together every night are done.  At least for the most part.

And yet, there are great things too.  We aren’t meant to be stagnant.  We are meant to grow and stretch, even if it’s a little bit painful.  I like the idea of looking forward instead of looking back.  Up ahead are daughters in law and grandchildren and one poor son in law who will have to withstand the initiation by 5 brothers.  There are anniversaries and birthdays and graduations.  There are rich conversations and lots of laughter and love.  And blessings.  Lots and lots of blessings.  

Yes, “winds in the east, mist coming in, like somethin’ is brewin’ and bout to begin.”  It’s brewin’ alright- and I don’t doubt it’s going to be an adventure.

MOTHERHOOD--"Don't Wish It Away!"

The days can be long when you are a mom of young kids.  Diapers to change, mouths to feed, messes to clean up, and so on.  It’s draining having practically no time to yourself—“can I just go to the bathroom in peace!”  If you stay at home your adult interaction is limited to talking back to Steve on “Blues Clues” or chatting up the UPS driver because you’re starved for grown up talk.  And wherever you go you must bring 2 or 3 or in my case, 6, small children with you.  I would love to tell you that’s fun.  I would be lying if I did.

I have a vivid memory of a winter night when we were a young married couple with two children.  Dave and I were wanting a Ben and Jerry’s fix and so Dave was heading out the door to run to the store. I remember thinking, “it seems like it will be forever until Dave and I can just jump in the car and head out for a date whenever we want.”

Guess what?  Forever is here.  And it came really, really, really fast.  

One of my sons who is is on a mission for our church said there is a saying in the mission field:  “The days are long but the months are short.”  I think that describes parenthood.  When I was a mom of 6 little kids the days were so long.  And draining.  And often times a little boring.  Of course they were rewarding and tender and filled with love too.  But when I look back, the months (and years) are so short!

In 48 hours we will be welcoming Carter home from his 2 year mission to Brazil.  Our oldest son is finishing up his last five months of his mission in Chicago.  Mckay is headed to BYU in the fall which leaves us with just three teenagers at home.

This time in our life is marvelous, and crazy busy and really really difficult at times.  I’m no longer changing diapers (I think I would seriously vomit if I had to now.  What is it about being a young mom that gives you an iron stomach?)  I don’t have to wipe faces or entertain little ones and yes, I do get to go to the bathroom in peace,.  And the best thing about this stage of life?  I get to go out with my husband pretty much whenever I want!  I think we had 4 lunch dates just last week!  

Each stage of our life is precious if we recognize it for what it is.  We can’t wish away where we are at, and we can’t spend all of our time living in the past.  Instead true joy comes in the now.  The sticky kisses.  The snuggles on the couch.  The “I love you” when your teen heads out the door.  The thrill of seeing a son return home from a two year life of service.  

So live in the now, people.  Live in the now.

Choosing the Difficult Path--Our Journey Over A Mountain

Have you ever wondered if it's really necessary to make ourselves do difficult things?  Have you ever thought that the easy way is the better way?  Have you tried to shield your children from life's challenges?  I have--lots of times.  This last week I gained a new perspective on why it's so important to do hard things.

Our family was blessed to all be involved in our youth "Trek" for our church.  For three days the youth in our congregation gathered together for a journey that covered over 26 miles--nearly 9 of them up and over a mountain as they pulled a traditional pioneer handcart loaded with their supplies.  I'll let you in on a little secret:  I hate camping.  Like so, so, much.  I don't like sleeping under the stars with not even a tent to zip up to keep the bugs at bay.  I don't like going 4 days without a shower (remember how vain I am?) And I really, really, really HATE using a porta potty.  The only thing worse is going in the woods--which I did for the first time in my 43 years of living.  (TMI?)

(That's my Davis in the front, middle).

So, if I hate camping and the great outdoors so much, why do I love Trek?  Because it teaches us to do hard things.  And this was hard.  I've been on treks before and they were challenging.  This was beyond challenging.  I don't even know that I have words to adequately describe it, but I'll try.  For this adventure the youth, ages 12-18 are divided into "families" with each family having a Ma and Pa.  Four families make up a "company" and Dave and I were captains of a company. We got a front row seat to the adventure and it was priceless.  On the day of the handcart portion of the trek, the youth donned pioneer clothes and then walked over 5 miles to where their handcarts were parked.  From there they loaded all of their gear and we set out for what would turn out to be an 8.5 mile journey up and over a mountain on logging roads.  There were hills--so, so many hills and pulling the handcarts for over 8 hours up and over those hills pushed these kids to the max.  Some broke down.  Some cried.  Blisters and sunburns were a common theme.  And yet, they did it.  Working together they did what they thought was impossible.  And they did it with patience and love for one another.  They encouraged each other, they prayed together and they all contributed.  At times Dave and I had to help them and often we became emotional watching them struggle.  As we arrived in camp that night the sense of accomplishment was astonishing.

And the next day?  We hiked 12 miles over various terrain in the sun.  For some youth this was easier--for others, they wanted to give up.  But along the way, friends, "parents" and leaders stepped in to offer support.  For the last several miles I hiked with a girl on each arm and one holding onto my backpack because together we were stronger than alone.

These kids will probably never have to physically work this hard again.  They most likely won't be asked to hike 26 miles up and over a mountain while pulling a hand cart.  But they will have challenges in their life that they will want to run away from.  Or avoid.  Or give up on.  And now they know that they have it in them to face them head on and prevail.  As a parent, it is excruciating at times to watch your children experience difficult things.  We want to rescue.  We want to alleviate.  But sometimes the best thing we can do is allow them to endure it.  And when they do, they will come over that mountain stronger than they ever thought they were.

(See that mountain waaay in the distance?  That's what we hiked up and over to get to the beach.)

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE REWARDS YOU HAVE SEEN FROM LETTING YOUR CHILDREN DO DIFFICULT THINGS?  PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW

PUSH UPS AND PARENTING: HOW THEY RELATE

PUSH UPS AND PARENTING:  HOW THEY RELATE

I hate push ups.  So.So.Much.  Recently, my totally awesome and amazing friend, Kelly put together a 5 day work out plan to get me in shape.  (Here is where I would “hashtag” Kelly if I actually knew how hashtags work.  I need lessons from my 16 year old— or the neighbor’s cat.  I think I’m like the only one who doesn’t get them.)  ANYWAY, these work outs are kicking by rear end.  I thought I was doing reasonably hard work-outs before.  I was wrong.  So wrong.  This morning I was doing a new one and on my list was the exercise that I hate the most—push ups. Did I mention that I hate them?  Because I do.  A lot.  They are difficult and uncomfortable and I look ridiculous while I am doing them.  Yet as I was working through my third (THIRD!) set of them this morning, I realized that push ups and parenting have three things in common.

CONSISTENCY:
You are not going to make much progress doing one push up.  Or even doing one set of push ups once. No, you have to do multiple reps, multiple times, and multiple days a week.  For like the rest of your life. Sound familiar?  We can’t make our kids do their chores once and expect to see long term results.  (And believe me, I’ve tried!).  They have to do it over, and over, and over again.  We can’t just take them to church once and expect the lessons there to stick.  We have to do it over and over again until hopefully one day they are doing it for themselves.  If we want to see real progress—with push ups or parenting, we must be consistent.

DIFFICULTY:
Remember how I said push ups are hard?  Being a parent is hard.  Some days I don’t want to get out of bed and face it—just like those pesky push ups.  It would be easier to throw some Cheerios and goldfish at them and curl up with a good book—or an episode of Hoarders.  And every once in a while we do that—but it’s not going to get us the end result we want.  Nope, you’ve got to get up and face those little (or big) lovable monsters because the only way you are going to get better and more confident at this is by practicing and facing that it’s hard—but it’s worth it.

PAY OFF:
If I stick with the push-ups, eventually I AM going to be better at them.  Who knows, I might even graduate to the non-granny, actual real deal variety of push ups.  (As opposed to my current level which means when I attempt a “real” push up I easily can handle the “push” part of the exercise but it’s the “up” part that is lacking.) Somedays being a parent is like that.  When you are in the day to day thick of it, you don’t always see what the end result is going to be.  But I promise that the more you flex those parenting muscles.  The more you practice, refine, and improve, the easier it will be and the more successful you will feel.

Parenting is no picnic, but the rewards are going to far outweigh the heartbreak.  IF we have the right attitude.  And if we realize that it is ok to think that it’s hard and we aren’t going to be perfect.  We just have to keep plodding along granny push up style until one day, you’ll stop for a minute and realize you nailed it—real push up style.

THREE MAGICAL TOOLS TO ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE

THREE MAGICAL TOOLS TO ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE

Well, I can't believe it but it's been just a little over two years since I started this crazy blog.  In the spirit of this two year anniversary, I thought I'd share my top three resources for organizing my scattered brain/life:


THE CLUTTER:

Salvation in the quest to remove clutter arrived early this year with the eye opening read:

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing 

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing

I did a previous blog post about this and if you have not yet read the book--READ IT!  I'm telling you, this one was a game changer for me.  I gave away truckloads of stuff and it's made managing the daily cleaning around this joint tons easier.  The book does have a little bit of a quirky perspective (I'm not so sure my pantyhose need a rest from their labors each day) but the method is a winner in my book. Is my house all bare and tidy all the time?  No--but I no longer have 4 identical gray cardigans and 7 matching paint rollers.  We have a whole lot less stuff and what we do have cleans up much more quickly.  The biggest thing to come out of it?  My tub is clothes free!

MY SCATTERED BRAIN:

Several months ago I referenced a new organization system I was using.  It's called "Mind Organization for Moms" and info can be found here:

https://hm156.infusionsoft.com/app/storeFront/showProductDetail?productId=1

This system is based on the book:

"Getting Things Done:  The Art of Stress Free Productivity" by David Allen

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0743571657/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=35055104244&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13525329193197806&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_9jf0nyvj1c_b

Fantastic read.  My mind was a scattered mess people!  My inbox had THOUSANDS of emails that needed to be sorted/dealt with,  I had stacks of papers, notes, and folders, and I couldn't keep it all straight.  There's a lot of good stuff in this book but if I had to pick two things that have made the biggest different it's this:

1.  Getting everything that is "in" my brain "out" of my brain

2.  Conducting a "weekly review"

Ever had that sneaking suspicion that you were missing something important but you just didn't know what?  I was feeling like that EVERY day!  I went to bed feeling behind and woke up feeling behind.  If Dave would suggest that I relax or take a nap I'd tell him, "I can't--I have so much to do!'  But when he'd ask what I had to do I never knew.  I just knew it was a lot!  By implementing just the two strategies listed above I feel loads better and am more productive than I've ever been.

LEARNING TO SAY NO:

Do you have a hard time saying no?  Do you look at situations and say, "I can help!"  Do you feel the responsibility to pitch in--all the time?  And then do you find yourself overwhelmed--a jack of all trades, but master of none?  Welcome to my world, people.  Welcome.To.My.World.

Until I stumbled on this little gem:

"Essentialism:  The Disciplined Pursuit of Less" by Greg McKeown

http://www.amazon.com/Essentialism-The-Disciplined-Pursuit-Less/dp/0804137382

If you only have time to read one of these books, this is the one.  It's caused me to look at the things I'm involved in and view them through a different lens.  In the process of doing that I find that I can focus more easily on my strengths and be more productive over all.  In a society that is always telling us to get more, do more, be more, it's easy to get overwhelmed.  This book puts life in perspective and has allowed me to begin to really concentrate on what matters most.  Just because I can do something, doesn't mean I should do something.

So if you're feeling overwhelmed and scatter brained, welcome to motherhood! In the meantime, maybe my personal magical tools can help. 

"Keep Your Heels, Head, and Standards High"

Do you ever feel like your self worth is in the toilet?  How can we increase our own self worth when we live in a society that seems to tear it down so frequently? These are questions that I have pondered over the last couple of weeks as I prepared to speak to a group of girls and women on the topic, “Keeping Your Heels, Heads, and Standards High.” After much thought I believe the answer lies in this phrase, recited each week in the Young Women’s meetings throughout the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints:

“We are daughters of our Heavenly Father Who Loves Us and We Love Him”

When we really understand this and come to believe it 2 things will happen:

1. Our self worth will increase

2. Our desire to be like Him will increase (which will in turn increase our sense of self worth)

As girls and women we are hard on ourselves! We feel guilty too often, we compare too frequently and we feel like we don’t measure up much of the time. I am surrounded by 8 sisters in law and 2 sisters who are enormously talented. One is an amazing photographer. Some are super talented and creative. Others have patience far beyond mine. One speaks a number of foreign languages and another is an amazing mother to a son with significant physical handicaps. I have a mother in law who keeps a spotless house and my own mother can sew anything, including my wedding dress which was a ginormous creation straight out of the early 90’s, with big sleeves, a giant bow and enough pearls and sequins to blind you.

If I wasn’t careful I could easily feel like I don’t measure up.  The only foreign language I speak is Dave's middle of the night nonsense talk and we all know I'm not going to get the "Good Housekeeping Award" anytime soon.  But guess what?  I know that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me. Little old me! I think about each of my six children with all of their different talents and abilities and we are no different in the site of our Father in Heaven. As women we aren’t all meant to be the same—how boring would life be if we were? (Like really--how many Kristyn's do you want running around this world?  The sock piles would be enormous.)

In the October 2014 General Conference, Pres. Uchtdorf (an apostle of the Lord) said this:

“He sees you clearly--He knows you as you really are. And He loves you--today and always! Do you suppose it matters to our Heavenly Father whether your makeup, clothes, hair, and nails are perfect? Do you think your value to Him changes based on how many followers you have on Instagram or Pinterest? Do you think He wants you to worry or get depressed if some un-friend or un-follow you on Facebook or Twitter? Do you think outward attractiveness, your dress size, or popularity make the slightest difference in your worth to the One who created the universe?”

When we recognize our role as a daughter of God, our self worth can’t help but to increase, and as we begin to understand who we are, our desire to follow His path will increase—even when the world may tell us otherwise.

Now, more than ever we women must be an example of who the Lord knows we are—His daughters. We must, in essence, act as a daughter of God would act.

Former Young Women general president Margaret D. Nadauld taught:

“The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”

I fear that as women we are losing site of what it means to be a true daughter of God and by doing so, our own self worth is diminishing rapidly. It’s not easy to stand up for what we believe is right. It’s rarely popular, particularly if social media is to be any sort of measuring stick. Just in this last week I have seen several FB posts that have caused me to pause (ok--really they just riled me up) and consider that my morals and views seem to be going against the grain of society. Modesty, clean language, the divine role of motherhood, treating our spouses with respect and more seem to be viewed as unnecessary, old fashioned or intolerant. And all the while we wonder why we are unhappy?

I believe the answer to happiness can be found in returning to a virtuous life. I recognize that this might not be a popular idea but I absolutely believe that a virtuous life builds our confidence and will lead to powerful women with a increased self worth. Women, let’s have the confidence to act as God would have us act, to understand our worth as His daughter and to join the call for a return to virtue.

Setting Out To Do The Unthinkable

SETTING OUT TO DO THE UNTHINKABLE

How many times have you told yourself “I’m just that way?” I’ve done that to myself a lot over the years.  “I’ll never have an organized house,” “I’m shy”, “I just can’t eat hot dogs.”  (OK—THAT is true!  Hot dogs gross me out.)  By telling ourselves these things we are essentially saying “I’m incapable of changing.”  Huh.  That doesn’t sit well with me because if we don’t change we don’t progress.  And I want to be better than I was yesterday.  So with that in mind, I set out three weeks ago to do the unthinkable:  become a morning person.

Yep—I have long proclaimed myself a night owl.  Frankly in my early mothering days it was the only time of day I could actually put together two coherent thoughts let alone get any sort of project done.  After the bedtime ritual of stories and songs and prayers and teeth brushing (who am I kidding—the kids rarely brushed their teeth at night…) I would drag out what ever project I wanted to complete and stay up to the wee hours of the night working in blissful silence.  Mornings arrived with me bleary eyed, grumpy and planning how soon “Blues Clues” would come on so I could squeeze in a 30 minute nap on the couch.  (To this day the theme song of “Blues Clues incites instant yawning on my part—a sort of “Pavlov’s Dogs” response.)

But life is different now and I was finding myself dissatisfied with the way my days were playing out.  I found that things like exercise were getting pushed aside.  The more that exercise got pushed aside the more frustrated I became.  Even worse I woke up feeling behind and went to bed feeling behind.  So I had a crazy thought—what if I got up every morning at 5:00 am and went to the gym?  

When I proposed this to Dave he was dubious.  Mostly because he’s been married to me for 24 years.  You see, he knows that the number of times I have been upright at 5:00 am can be counted on one hand.  However, as a natural morning person himself he was supportive—albeit skeptical.

So, Monday morning came and my alarm went off at the unholy hour of 5:00 am.  Since it was Day 1 I was determined to follow through.  I stumbled to the bathroom, got dressed and headed out the door.  Here’s something you may not know:  it’s DARK at 5:00 am!  What the heck?  Navigating by the stars, I made my way to the gym.

Are you curious what I discovered?  The gym is practically empty!  You don’t have to wait for the equipment you want to use and when you head to the weight benches you don’t have to wade through a bunch of body builder guys half your age.  The music is quieter and best of all—NOBODY shows up in full make up and hair!   By the time I left 80 minutes later I had my exercise and scripture study done and my thoughts gathered about my day ahead.  And not only that but when I returned home I found time to unload my dishwasher, start the laundry, start dinner in the crockpot and process my inbox.  All before 9:00 am!  

But that was just the first day.  The real test remained as to how the next few days would play out.  Well, I’m happy to report that so far, three weeks in, it seems to have stuck.  I’m actually looking forward to my mornings now!  Sure, I have to go to bed a little earlier, and you better not talk to me for the first 20 minutes I’m awake, but overall I’m loving the results.  I no longer feel guilty all day that I didn’t find time to fit my work out in and even better, I am SO much more productive.  There really seems to be something to this idea of arising early.

Now I want to figure out how to apply this concept of change to other areas of my life.  If I really desire a tidy house, shouldn’t I be able to make that happen?  If I want to reinvent a way to help my kids be organized, couldn’t I do that?  If I want to become a motivational speaker and pod cast host, isn’t it possible?  (An idea I’ve been toying with but currently have no idea how to go about.)  The question becomes “what am I willing to give up, or commit to to make those things happen?”  So I predict some more soul searching ahead—most likely while running on a treadmill at 5:30 am tomorrow morning:)

Advice From a Parenting Expert

I was recently asked to submit an article for a website called: Power of Moms.  I believe I mentioned them in my last post, but basically it's a great, free site, that focuses on "deliberate motherhood."    But it's been challenging for me to write an article for the site because I keep thinking, "what do I know?"  And then I realized, that I had this misguided notion that people who write about or teach about or give talks about motherhood are somehow perfect--that they have perfect families with kids that are always well behaved who always make the best choices.  Or I thought that they must be the type of moms who always speak with a soft tone and whose children hug them goodbye every time they leave the house (or something equally June Cleaver-like.)  Then it hit me--wouldn't I want parenting advice from someone who actually understood what I was going through?  Who best to help other moms in challenging situations than a mom who has lived it?  And let me tell you, I've lived it alright.

So with that in mind here are some things that as a mom I do know:

1.  As a good friend told me recently, "Don't compare your family's 'Behind the Scenes Story' to another family's 'Highlights Reel.'  That seems so obvious and yet we do it.  All.The.Time.  Someone at church once said to me that they wished they had a perfect family like mine.  I literally laughed out loud.  I do not have a perfect family.  You do not have a perfect family.  Let's keep that in mind shall we?

2.  If you don't set limits with your children at a young age, you are in for a world of hurt at an older age.  Believe me, it's much easier to control the actions of a 5 year old than it is the actions of a 17 year old.  So when you have put your preschooler on timeout for the 5th time that day for talking back, stick to your guns.  It's making you crazy now but it will save your sanity later.

3.  To avoid going completely nuts when you have teenagers you must learn to not let their moods affect your moods.  As one of my favorite parenting authors says, "keep their wind out of your sails." Seriously.  That idea was a life saver to me.  Teens will be moody.  Often.  If you let your attitude be affected by their attitudes you're in for a world of hurt.  It was tough enough being a teen when I was one--I don't want to relive it 6 more times.

4.  Take time to focus on the good in your children.  Too often it's easy to get caught up in all they are not doing versus the other way around.  Maybe their room looks like a bomb went off and they forget to take out the trash but aren't you glad that they keep their curfew, are kind to their siblings, and notice when you actually cook dinner?  One of the best things I ever did while in the middle of a challenging parenting time was to make a list of all the troubling things my child was doing and then a list of all the great things they were doing.  The first column had a grand total of 5 items.  The 2nd? 26!  And yet I was spending all of my time fixated on those 5 negative ones.  Look for the positive.

5.  Give yourself a break.  I mean this literally as well as figuratively.  Every Monday I go to lunch.  By myself.  It's my time to eat tacos and read a book and get myself recharged for the week ahead.  While I'm doing that it's a reminder to me that as a mom, I don't have to perfect--I just have to try my best and trust that in the end, things will work out.

Motherhood is so very hard but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Most days:)

Am I In a Cult?

I think I have found my new calling in life--master declutterer.  Is that even a word?  It is now!  My last blog post detailed the organization system called "Mind Organization for Moms" hereafter and forever referred to as MOM.  This system has been life changing for me as far as getting all that was in my HEAD out of it and into a system for me to keep track of.  My emails are organized into folders and my projects/responsibilities are all assembled in my file/cubby system.  Here's a pic:

I cannot begin to tell you what a relief this system has been for me!  Then, a few weeks ago I struck another gold mine.  This:

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Tidying-Decluttering-Organizing-ebook/dp/B00KK0PICK/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid=

My apologies to all of my family and friends that have had to listen to me go on, and on, and on, and on about this book but holy cow people!  This is it!  (At least for me--I know there are some haters out there.)  I also fully recognize that it sounds like I have "drunk the kool aid", so to speak.  Totally worth it.

The basic premise of the book is that we need to keep the things that "spark joy" and let go of the rest.  But it's SO much more than that.  This book spoke to me. For so long I have been spinning my wheels on the home front.  Sure, compared to lots of people we were doing ok but you all know what a disaster my laundry room was not to mention my chronic pile of clothes on the tub. 

 LOOK AT MY TUB PEOPLE:

AND IT'S LOOKED LIKE THAT FOR 15 DAYS!!!! (Forgive all the caps but this is BIG!)  And not only that but following the book's philosophy I have gone over nearly all my house and everything has a place!  No longer do I spend an hour looking for spray paint I bought, or band aids or batteries, or the right light bulb.  Literally, everything has a place.  And it's one place and a place that makes sense.

I'm not going to take the time to explain the whole system because to catch the full vision you really need to read the book and it's totally worth the $7.99 on Kindle.  Forget waiting for it from the library--my sister was #424 on the waiting list...)  But the biggest thing for me was sorting by category--not by room.  For years I have "decluttered" or "organized" going room to room.  And I would make a little progress but usually it was just me moving a stack of things from one place to another and never really finding where stuff "belonged."  Or I would purge a little but hold on to things "just in case I might one day need 50 blinking mickey necklaces." (That is actually true--I found those in my closet).   According to the book, the author recommends starting with clothing and getting ALL of your clothing in one place.  That included all shoes, purses backpacks, coats, etc.  So that's what I did. I pulled every article of clothing I owned out of the closet/drawers/baskets and this is what I came up with.  Frankly, the pictures don't do it justice.  And this was two weeks after I had "purged" my clothes!

I then set about going through the items one by one, only keeping those things that "sparked joy."  (It's hokey, but that's what she calls it--I think it's a weird Japanese translation thing...)  Do you know what I discovered?  I discovered that I had 4 almost identical gray cardigans! Why?  I had 8 similar black t-shirts--yet I only wear the same 2.  I had shoes with tags on them that were a "good deal" but that I never wore because they hurt my feet.  When all was said and done I donated 3 bags to Goodwill, one to my sister and another one was full of trash.  The result?

And the best thing of all?  I'm putting things back where they belong!!!  This is amazing!  And once I started I couldn't stop.  I woke up early in the morning--early(!) to begin KMing (that's what the cool people call it I guess) my home. I had 7 identical paint rollers yet could never find one to use.  Who needs 7 paint rollers?  I'm never going to have 7 people helping me paint I'm sure.  My home is clean, I've donated LOADS of things, sent furniture to new homes and "tidying" my home is so much quicker. I no longer feel guilty when someone stops by or when I want to watch TV instead of cleaning.  

So to all of my fellow spastic moms who feel like they can't ever get it together, I'm telling you--this may be your answer.  It seems to be for me and while I'm not perfect I cannot tell you how much better I feel.  

So I don't care if this may be some weird Japanes cleaning cult.  I'm in.  Now who wants to join me???