2 Questions To Ask Yourself When Motivation Is Lacking

Motivation is a pesky concept to nail down. We know what it is, we have hope for where it can lead, but we can't always seem to find it. Then because we can't seem to find it we feel guilty, which on occasion leads to forward progress, but more often than not has quite the opposite effect. Perhaps one of the following scenarios sound familiar:

• You have a list a mile long that seems insurmountable so instead of tackling it you're on your couch in your pjs because the second season of "Cheer" just dropped and you HAVE to find out if Navarro holds onto the title or if they are toppled by the evil TVCC down the road? 

• Yesterday was a super productive day where you conquered your enormous to-do list, got your work out in and served your fellow man, but it's today has devolved into mindless tortilla chip eating while scrolling through social media.

• You want to get healthy, you know you'll feel better if you do, but you've read 999 different books, articles, and IG posts about the "right" way to do it and they are in direct conflict with each other. "Bread is the root of all evil!" "Eat ONLY grains. Meat will kill you!" "Diet Coke is....(well, let's just leave Diet Coke out of it, shall we?) So instead of making a plan you are so overwhelmed that you give up and take a 2 hour nap.

Chasing motivation can be exhausting. Finding it is elusive. Instead let's take "getting motivated" out of the equation and shift the focus to getting unstuck by asking 2 simple questions and then digging a little deeper:

QUESTION #1: HOW DID I SPEND MY LAST HOUR?

Remove judgement--the past is behind you and it can't be changed, but it can give you some good data to work off of. Take the emotion out of it and consider what you can learn from the last 60 minutes. Dig deeper by asking:

• Am I happy with how I spent the last 60 minutes?
• Did it fill my emotional cup?
• Did it move me closer to my goals?  

If the answer to these questions is yes, then fantastic! You're headed in the right direction. If the answer is no, that's OK! Take a minute to figure out why you were unhappy with the last hour. Consider asking the following:

• Was I buffering (avoiding) a necessary task?
• Am I stuck because I have "perfection paralysis"? 
• Are my expectations realistic? If not, how can I reframe them?

QUESTION #2: HOW WILL I SPENT MY NEXT HOUR?

The beauty of the future is that it isn't written yet! Starting NOW you get to choose how you spend the next 60 minutes. It's a clean slate waiting to be filled and thanks to question #1 you have some great information to work off of. Analyze what that information means for your goals and decide accordingly, using some of these questions to find your answer:

• What is one small step I can take right now?
• How can I make my expectations more realistic?
• What will be my priorities be for the next 60 minutes? (Set the intention).
• How do I want to feel when the hour is up? 

Simplifying the process by asking these 2 questions and then digging a little deeper can help you overcome the overwhelm and propel you to positive action which will yield positive results. Your future is not yet written and change is possible regardless of your previous pattern of behavior.

In the meantime, be gentle on yourself, learn from the past and look forward to the future with faith (and maybe a Diet Coke.)

The Freedom in "Keeping it Real"

 

A number of years ago I looked around my home at the chaos that raising 6 kids had created. Goldfish crackers on the couch, discarded socks, a pile of shoes by the door, dishes in the sink left over from baking cookies the night before and taking center stage were props we were creating for an upcoming high school production. On a whim, I turned on my camera to record the state of affairs and uploaded the video to Instagram. The caption read “Keeping It Real”.

 

I learned something in that moment. My baring it all for the world (or my small number of IG friends) to see was freeing. But more importantly, it was freeing for other people. Almost within seconds I was getting comments and messages from other moms saying, “thank you! My house looks just like this!” It’s as if by showing 60 seconds of real life, I allowed space for admitting that life is messy. It's imperfect. It’s real, and often, it’s pretty mediocre.

 

We live in a world full of big ideas. Constantly, we are encouraged to be better, live larger, dare more, reach higher. All are great concepts, but I fear that when taken in the aggregate they can produce the opposite results of what we want, or more importantly what is healthy for us. Too often perfection (or the pursuit of it) looms over us and instead of becoming better, we feel we are falling behind, missing out, or not measuring up. What if instead of trying to look, act, or be perfect, we instead embraced the mediocre?

 

At this point, some of you probably want to stop reading. You wouldn’t be the first. In fact, years ago I was asked to write an article on raising children for a parenting website. I titled it “Mediocrity, Let’s Celebrate.” The editors hated it.  Their feedback stated, “While we love the article, we don’t think the title is the type of message we want to send to our readers.” I was disappointed but I understood. The concept of mediocrity isn’t inspiring. It’s not sexy. It’s certainly not popular. But, what if, by understanding it, it allows for the freedom to let go of perfection and to let real life in? What if by recognizing that we will be great at very few things, but good enough at loads of others, we create space for adventure, compassion and grace for ourselves and others? What if by “keeping it real” we become better parents, spouses, friends, citizens and human beings?   

 

I’m going to dive into this idea of “keeping it real.” I hope that by doing so I learn more about myself and others. Perhaps in the messy, mundane, everyday life, great joy and purpose it to be found. I hope you join me.

 

Mediocrity—Let’s Celebrate!

As a mom do you ever feel like a flight attendant on a plane that's about to go down? Chaos is happening all around you, people are panicking, nobody knows what to do and you're standing up shouting:

"EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! WE ARE GOING TO BE JUST FINE!"

Now I understand that my job is to be the grown up. We can't have mom freaking out when things start going south, but every once in awhile, just a teensy part of the time, it can be a little overwhelming to keep the boat steady. Because as crazy as it seems, moms are people too. That's right. We get stressed, and upset and frustrated. Sometimes we even get our feelings hurt.

Shocker, I know.

I was talking to another mom recently and she said "you know sometimes I get tired of always having to be the one that's in a good mood, the one that has to cater to everyone else's feelings." That resonated with me. As moms we take on the troubles and cares of our children and spouses. We feel deeply when someone is hurting and we understand that often that hurt gets misdirected towards us. Once I heard someone say "you're only as happy as your saddest child." Now, I don't completely subscribe to that philosophy because if I did, with six kids the percentage of time I would be happy would be really low...But as a mom it can be challenging to navigate the times when our family members are struggling.

And I want to be clear that 90% of the time I'm grateful that I'm capable of managing the whirlwinds of family life. I want to hear my kid's troubles and I want them to come to me for advice. When my husband has a lot on his plate I want to lend a hand to help--I welcome it. I take great pride (is it ok to say pride?) in being able to do that. It's what I signed up for and it's in my job description--a job that I love. I mean that--I love it.

But if every once in a while, in a rare moment, I can't figure out how to put my oxygen mask on, maybe just give me a second to catch my breath, regain my composure and then return to directing you to the emergency exits.