Happiness--it's a state of mind

I have been thinking a lot about happiness lately.  What makes us happy and how do we define happiness?  (I'm thinking real happiness not Baja Fresh induced coma happiness.)  In reflecting on this I've realized that in the last year or so I think I've misunderstood what happiness is.  As moms a lot of our happiness revolves around our children and their state of minds.  One mom said someone told her "you're only as happy as your saddest child."  Yikes.  I heard that and thought I'm not sure I'll ever be happy then.  Unless we are at Disneyland.  (It is literally "The Happiest Place on Earth."  Unless you've been dealing with a toddler in a stroller in the burning up heat for the last 10 hours while "It's a Small World" is blaring at you.  Not so happy then...)

Anyway, I've been thinking how easy it is to let our children's moods dictate how happy we are.  I know I've been really guilty of this but lately I've realized that it's counter productive.  If I have a kid who is moody, me being moody isn't going to help the situation.  If I have a child who is tired and upset, me being upset with them isn't making things better.  It goes back to that idea of being a constant in their lives.  I believe firmly that growing up is hard enough to do without us as parents heaping a whole lot more guilt on them.  And yet that doesn't keep me from laying awake at night worrying about all the things I don't do "right."  So in that spirit I thought I'd just put it out there--so here it is, my list of things I don't do:

1.  Cook.  Most nights.  There is a just a whole list of complicated reasons why this doesn't get done and I've gone back and forth on beating myself up over them.  But honestly, they all manage to get fed--even if it's a smoothie and sandwich.  Or a stack of Oreos.  Whatever.

2.  Have "perfect" family home evenings.  We have no cute chart, no singing, and we do it on Sunday night because Monday's just don't work for us.  But..we do get together, discuss a gospel principle, read the scriptures and eat a pan of brownies--the same treat we have every FHE.  (Refer to #1 above.)

3.  Camp as a family.  I don't know why but this one sort of haunts me sometimes.  We have all these boys and yet we have only camped a few times.  This is because I sort of hate it.  It's so much work!  And I'm extremely picky about the bathroom situation.  But I hear these stories of our friends that have these great camping adventures and I feel guilty.  Then I realize we just do things differently--we love Disney and we have been fortunate to be able to make numerous trips there.  For our kids it's like returning to the cabin by the lake--it's familiar and there are so many great memories we have made there.  Also, all the toilets there flush.

4.  Have perfect children.  Our kids do not get perfect grades, play an instrument perfectly, or act perfect.  But they are perfect for us.  They are great children who have their own unique talents and personalities and they help us grow as parents.

I will mess up as a parent--we all will.  Being a mom (or Dad) is HARD.  And if we sit around waiting for all of our ducks to line up in a row to be happy we will never be happy.  That's no way to live our lives and so I am working on finding joy in most of the moments of my life. (I say "most" because those of you with teenagers know that there are just some unhappy moments. Usually followed by a hike in car insurance.)  I'm learning to see our challenges as ways to be better and have my children grow.  I'm looking at difficulties as ways to become more like God--because for heaven's sake look at all his kids!  Some of them are "challenging."   I'm learning to appreciate all the blessings we have been given--particularly our amazing, imperfect kids.

PS--I LOVE this talk--"Grateful in Any Circumstance."  And we love Pres. Uchtdorf.  Take a few minutes to read or watch it.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng

Dare I say this just might be working?

When you last saw me I was whining (like usual) about my inability to stay on track and get things accomplished.  After all, this is one of the main reasons I started blogging almost a year (a year!) ago.  And then a small miracle occurred this week.  You see most days I feel like one of those hamsters on those wheels that's running and running and never gets anywhere. (At least I assume that's what hamsters do--due to my no pet policy and fear of rodents I'm not entirely sure).  I mean I joke about reading people.com and playing Candy Crush (which by the way if anyone has any genius solutions to get me off of level 169 I am ALL EARS because THIS LEVEL STINKS) and checking Facebook but the honest truth is that most days I rarely just sit around being idle.  It's just that I would feel like I was going and going and yet I  would get to the end of each day wondering what I actually did.

Then came the (smallish) miracle.  Most of you know that I work for Weight Watchers.  It's a great, perfect little part time job and I love the members that I work with.  Overall it's extremely rewarding to be pretty intimately involved with helping people get healthy and achieve their goals.  Anyway, each month we work on a new habit and this month that habit happened to be "take 5 minutes every day to replay your day."  At the same time I stumbled upon this little gem on pinterest:

http://justagirlandherblog.com/how-i-organized-my-whole-life/

For whatever reason this little sheet and those 5 minutes has solved a big part of my problem.  Every night while in bed I pull out my planning sheet from the day and cross off what got done/bought/etc and transfer what I didn't have time for to the next day.  Then I plan out my next day.  Yeah--I know what a lot of you are thinking:  duh.  We know that.  Yeah--I knew that too but for whatever reason all the other things I tried (notes on my iphone, to-do lists, planners, etc) just didn't cut it.  Maybe it's those hypnotic circles at the top of the page but for whatever reason THIS is working!  And that 5 minutes is saving me so much stress and feelings of frustration.

I've learned a couple of things:  First, most days I was trying to cram way too much into my day.  No wonder I was feeling like I needed three more hours every day--I actually did.  Secondly, I'm finding that when I actually schedule the important stuff first like exercise and pinterest (just checking to see if you were paying attention) then I feel much more accomplished every day.

Like I said, a small miracle:-)