Happiness--it's a state of mind

I have been thinking a lot about happiness lately.  What makes us happy and how do we define happiness?  (I'm thinking real happiness not Baja Fresh induced coma happiness.)  In reflecting on this I've realized that in the last year or so I think I've misunderstood what happiness is.  As moms a lot of our happiness revolves around our children and their state of minds.  One mom said someone told her "you're only as happy as your saddest child."  Yikes.  I heard that and thought I'm not sure I'll ever be happy then.  Unless we are at Disneyland.  (It is literally "The Happiest Place on Earth."  Unless you've been dealing with a toddler in a stroller in the burning up heat for the last 10 hours while "It's a Small World" is blaring at you.  Not so happy then...)

Anyway, I've been thinking how easy it is to let our children's moods dictate how happy we are.  I know I've been really guilty of this but lately I've realized that it's counter productive.  If I have a kid who is moody, me being moody isn't going to help the situation.  If I have a child who is tired and upset, me being upset with them isn't making things better.  It goes back to that idea of being a constant in their lives.  I believe firmly that growing up is hard enough to do without us as parents heaping a whole lot more guilt on them.  And yet that doesn't keep me from laying awake at night worrying about all the things I don't do "right."  So in that spirit I thought I'd just put it out there--so here it is, my list of things I don't do:

1.  Cook.  Most nights.  There is a just a whole list of complicated reasons why this doesn't get done and I've gone back and forth on beating myself up over them.  But honestly, they all manage to get fed--even if it's a smoothie and sandwich.  Or a stack of Oreos.  Whatever.

2.  Have "perfect" family home evenings.  We have no cute chart, no singing, and we do it on Sunday night because Monday's just don't work for us.  But..we do get together, discuss a gospel principle, read the scriptures and eat a pan of brownies--the same treat we have every FHE.  (Refer to #1 above.)

3.  Camp as a family.  I don't know why but this one sort of haunts me sometimes.  We have all these boys and yet we have only camped a few times.  This is because I sort of hate it.  It's so much work!  And I'm extremely picky about the bathroom situation.  But I hear these stories of our friends that have these great camping adventures and I feel guilty.  Then I realize we just do things differently--we love Disney and we have been fortunate to be able to make numerous trips there.  For our kids it's like returning to the cabin by the lake--it's familiar and there are so many great memories we have made there.  Also, all the toilets there flush.

4.  Have perfect children.  Our kids do not get perfect grades, play an instrument perfectly, or act perfect.  But they are perfect for us.  They are great children who have their own unique talents and personalities and they help us grow as parents.

I will mess up as a parent--we all will.  Being a mom (or Dad) is HARD.  And if we sit around waiting for all of our ducks to line up in a row to be happy we will never be happy.  That's no way to live our lives and so I am working on finding joy in most of the moments of my life. (I say "most" because those of you with teenagers know that there are just some unhappy moments. Usually followed by a hike in car insurance.)  I'm learning to see our challenges as ways to be better and have my children grow.  I'm looking at difficulties as ways to become more like God--because for heaven's sake look at all his kids!  Some of them are "challenging."   I'm learning to appreciate all the blessings we have been given--particularly our amazing, imperfect kids.

PS--I LOVE this talk--"Grateful in Any Circumstance."  And we love Pres. Uchtdorf.  Take a few minutes to read or watch it.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng