Choosing Your Battles

I've been talking with some moms lately about navigating the stormy waters of parenting and I've decided that the number one rule that allows us to be (somewhat) successful is this:  Choose Your Battles.  Really--that's like the golden rule of parenting.  Have you ever seen those parents where EVERYTHING is a big deal--so consequently nothing is a big deal?  You know, the parents that yell about every little thing, find fault with more things than not and are grounding their kids every other day for practically nothing?  I'm gonna let you in on a little secret:  that doesn't work.  I am convinced that the more we yell, the less our kids hear.  The more we take away, the less control we get.  The more we complain, the less they trust us.

It's not easy being a parent.  At the base, we all just want our kids to do well, make good choices and not screw up our grandkids some day.  It just seems that too often our solution is to try to take too much control when really we need to be giving up more control.  This is something I've thought about a lot the last few years and that advice, to choose my battles, has taken on a new meaning.  Now, keep in mind this is a work in progress and things that in the past I would have freaked out about (talking to girls) now seems like no big deal (at least they are talking to someone:-)  So here is the Morgan list of battles I choose to fight--or not.  (Keep in mind--these are MY battles and that doesn't mean that I think yours should be the same.  They won't be and that's OK!!)

BATTLE TO FIGHT:

Speaking kindly--in our house it is not acceptable to yell or talk rudely to one another, particularly a parent.  For our home, I have found that the Spirit has a hard time being here if everyone is yelling.

BATTLE TO LET GO:

Hugging, kissing or general touchy/feeliness.  I'm sure I'm to blame for not nursing my kids enough as babies or forbidding them to sleep in my bed (seriously--how do people sleep with 3 foot heating pads in their beds?)  but pretty much all of them are not big on this.  ("No touching!') It used to bug me--it doesn't anymore and I figure when it counts they will come for hugs as is evidenced by the THREE times Carter returned to hug me goodbye when he left on his mission:-)

BATTLE TO FIGHT:

Church/mutual--they don't always want to go.  Heck I don't always want to go, but almost always they will be there.  Even after a 3 hour soaking wet rehearsal.  They may not be in the best mood when they go, but they are there.

BATTLE TO LET GO:

Wearing their scout shirt to said mutual.  This is one that in the old days would have been a big deal to me.  It's not that I don't think it's a good idea, or that I don't think they should wear it since they've been asked--it's just that in the eternal scheme of things this one isn't worth fighting for me.  Unfortunately teenage boys who want to look attractive for teenage girls do not think they look super cool in a boy scout uniform.  Shocking I know.

BATTLE TO FIGHT:

Respecting other people's things.  Generally speaking, with the exception currently of one son getting caught using someone else's cup, the kid's respect each other's stuff.  You might have seen the picture I posted of the separate chocolate milk (or as we call it:  "milk, chocolate milk") jugs in our fridge.  A lot of people questioned if that would work.  It does because they understand the importance of people's things.

BATTLE TO LET GO:

Healthy eating.  Ok--I know this one will bug people and being a Weight Watcher leader people will assume that my kids eat healthier than most.  True confession:  they don't.  They drink too much soda, eat too many Oreos and skip too many meals.  I cook infrequently (but stay tuned because I am about to embark on a bold new adventure soon) and I love to eat out.  And so do they.  Should they eat healthier?  Yes.  Do I wish they ate more fruits and veggies?  Of course.  Is it currently worth me fighting with them about it or heaven forbid cause some sort of eating disorder because of it?  No.  I was a picky eater.  My siblings were picky eaters.  Dave was a picky eater.  And guess what?  We grew out of it.

As I've been writing this I realized that the list of what I let go is far longer than the battles I engage in.  Some examples of other

things I choose not to fight:

1.  Messy bedrooms.  That's why there is a door.  For me to close.
2.  Video game time limits.  If I think they've been on too long or they are getting mad, then I ask them to turn it off.  They do.  With six kids it just never worked for me to say each got a certain amount of playing time and I had no interest in being the video game police.  Plus with six kids they HAD to share.  It's survival of the fittest.
3.  Wearing pajamas to bed--Parker once slept in his suit Saturday night so he didn't have to get ready Sunday morning.  Whatever. That's being efficient right?
4.  Strict bedtimes--this is because my kids are all over the age of 11.  When they were little it was 6:30.  Because I needed to stay sane.
5.  Skipping the occasional class at school.  Bad I know--but I trust them to be smart about it.  So far they haven't abused the privilege.  If they do, that may change.

Like I said--my battles are my battles.  Some people might be appalled by what goes on over here at the Morgan house.  The potty talk alone would make my mother cringe!  But if you find that you are yelling and punishing a whole lot, maybe it's time to choose your own battles a little more wisely.  Just a thought from a mom who's been there:-)

We've Got Problems

For those of you following along on this wacky life journey of mine you know that it's pretty obvious that here at the Morgan house we are a long way from perfect.  We also might be, just a tiny bit, a little nutso.  Here are just a few glimpses into our life this last week:

First, we still have not remedied the cooking situation around here.  I'm seriously at a loss.  Even if I do cook, which is getting more and more rare, nobody eats it.  I made dinner the other day and came down to find a certain son (who shall remain nameless) eating the following--I am not making this up:  A giant bag of Ruffles potato chips, a stack of oreos and, wait for it, goldfish.  All chased down by a Mountain Dew.  What???  I know what you're thinking--don't buy that stuff.  Easier said than done.  I just really, really like Oreos...

Second, in a giant push to purge my home of all things not useful I organized every nook and cranny and consequently can't find anything anymore.  I think my scattered system was actually easier.  I spent two hour--TWO HOURS--looking for the stuff to clean the fish bowl with because I feared Kennedy's wrath if I didn't find it by the 15th.  That's her regularly scheduled day for cleaning the bowl.  Whose kid is that???

Third, one of my sons has a phobia which was highlighted by this phrase yelled down the stairs at me tonight:  "Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need you to come up here and kill a spider for me! "  Now, keep in mind that I am only left with teenage sons at this house anymore so...it's a problem.  Because I'm a big believer in facing our fears I made that son man up and suck up that thing with a vacuum.  It was quite the event.  Tomorrow night we are moving on to his fear of people touching him and clowns.  Anybody know where I can score a lot of touchy, feely clowns on short notice???

Fourth--the Morgan's like a lot of potty humor.  Like every meal involves some sort of bodily sound/fluid discussion.  And it's not limited to meals either because sometimes it sneaks into our scripture study as well.  We should be ashamed.

Case in point: this is McKay's senior picture we are going to display on the bookshelf

Yep--we're wack jobs around here.  I've got teenage boys single handedly bringing croc shoes back in fashion, a missionary son who likes to scare the daylights out of his poor unsuspecting companion and a daughter who I'm pretty sure is more responsible than me.  And she's 11.  And I kind of love it:-)