It's not easy being a parent. At the base, we all just want our kids to do well, make good choices and not screw up our grandkids some day. It just seems that too often our solution is to try to take too much control when really we need to be giving up more control. This is something I've thought about a lot the last few years and that advice, to choose my battles, has taken on a new meaning. Now, keep in mind this is a work in progress and things that in the past I would have freaked out about (talking to girls) now seems like no big deal (at least they are talking to someone:-) So here is the Morgan list of battles I choose to fight--or not. (Keep in mind--these are MY battles and that doesn't mean that I think yours should be the same. They won't be and that's OK!!)
BATTLE TO FIGHT:
Speaking kindly--in our house it is not acceptable to yell or talk rudely to one another, particularly a parent. For our home, I have found that the Spirit has a hard time being here if everyone is yelling.
BATTLE TO LET GO:
Hugging, kissing or general touchy/feeliness. I'm sure I'm to blame for not nursing my kids enough as babies or forbidding them to sleep in my bed (seriously--how do people sleep with 3 foot heating pads in their beds?) but pretty much all of them are not big on this. ("No touching!') It used to bug me--it doesn't anymore and I figure when it counts they will come for hugs as is evidenced by the THREE times Carter returned to hug me goodbye when he left on his mission:-)
BATTLE TO FIGHT:
Church/mutual--they don't always want to go. Heck I don't always want to go, but almost always they will be there. Even after a 3 hour soaking wet rehearsal. They may not be in the best mood when they go, but they are there.
BATTLE TO LET GO:
Wearing their scout shirt to said mutual. This is one that in the old days would have been a big deal to me. It's not that I don't think it's a good idea, or that I don't think they should wear it since they've been asked--it's just that in the eternal scheme of things this one isn't worth fighting for me. Unfortunately teenage boys who want to look attractive for teenage girls do not think they look super cool in a boy scout uniform. Shocking I know.
BATTLE TO FIGHT:
Respecting other people's things. Generally speaking, with the exception currently of one son getting caught using someone else's cup, the kid's respect each other's stuff. You might have seen the picture I posted of the separate chocolate milk (or as we call it: "milk, chocolate milk") jugs in our fridge. A lot of people questioned if that would work. It does because they understand the importance of people's things.
BATTLE TO LET GO:
Healthy eating. Ok--I know this one will bug people and being a Weight Watcher leader people will assume that my kids eat healthier than most. True confession: they don't. They drink too much soda, eat too many Oreos and skip too many meals. I cook infrequently (but stay tuned because I am about to embark on a bold new adventure soon) and I love to eat out. And so do they. Should they eat healthier? Yes. Do I wish they ate more fruits and veggies? Of course. Is it currently worth me fighting with them about it or heaven forbid cause some sort of eating disorder because of it? No. I was a picky eater. My siblings were picky eaters. Dave was a picky eater. And guess what? We grew out of it.
As I've been writing this I realized that the list of what I let go is far longer than the battles I engage in. Some examples of other
1. Messy bedrooms. That's why there is a door. For me to close.
2. Video game time limits. If I think they've been on too long or they are getting mad, then I ask them to turn it off. They do. With six kids it just never worked for me to say each got a certain amount of playing time and I had no interest in being the video game police. Plus with six kids they HAD to share. It's survival of the fittest.
3. Wearing pajamas to bed--Parker once slept in his suit Saturday night so he didn't have to get ready Sunday morning. Whatever. That's being efficient right?
4. Strict bedtimes--this is because my kids are all over the age of 11. When they were little it was 6:30. Because I needed to stay sane.
5. Skipping the occasional class at school. Bad I know--but I trust them to be smart about it. So far they haven't abused the privilege. If they do, that may change.
Like I said--my battles are my battles. Some people might be appalled by what goes on over here at the Morgan house. The potty talk alone would make my mother cringe! But if you find that you are yelling and punishing a whole lot, maybe it's time to choose your own battles a little more wisely. Just a thought from a mom who's been there:-)
No comments:
Post a Comment