I've had a few conversations in the last couple of weeks surrounding the topic of drama. Specifically, adults who create/live by/encourage drama in their lives and the lives of their families. Honestly, I don't get it. I hail from the "why would you rock the boat anymore than it's currently rocking" camp. I mean, life has enough of it's own natural drama--why add to it you know?
I believe that often, those that live with a lot of drama don't recognize it for what it's worth. They are so used to that state of constant uproar that it's hard to take a step back and see it for what it is.
SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE SWIMMING IN DRAMA:
1. There's a lot of yelling at your house. Some kid or teenage yelling is a little normal. If it's happening on a daily basis and if it involves you as a parent yelling back, that's drama.
2. Crying and whining are abundant, particularly if you as the parent are participating. If you're swimming in tears, that's drama.
3. The yelling/whining/crying is followed up with equally emotional declarations of love or apology. Love and forgiveness are a good thing--that wide swing between emotions? Drama.
4. You use a lot of superlative phrases. Things like "This is the WORST month ever!" or "I"m NEVER going to trust you again." It goes the other way too: "This is the BEST year of my life." Superlatives=drama.
5. You are easily offended and so are your children. So.much.drama.
So why is drama bad? We certainly don't want to live in an emotional neutral zone all the time, right? Of course not. Some days will be bad and some will be great. That's the natural course of life. But often, because we don't know how to control or handle our emotions they get the better of us and take over to the detriment of our relationships.
Kids need stability to feel secure and build self esteem. Self esteem comes from a sense of well being. Well being comes from feeling emotionally secure. Drama is the opposite of that. It puts our children in a constant state of unbalance. You know that feeling of walking a balance beam? Who wants to live emotionally like that? It's unnerving.
Now, I'm not saying do everything at all costs to keep things on an even keel. Part of learning to be resilient is to deal with uncertainties and difficult moments. But like I said in the beginning, life will naturally present itself with those things--we don't need to add to them. So here are some tips for avoiding drama in your lives and your children's lives:
HOW TO AVOID THE DRAMA:
1. Remember you are the adult! Kids have enough drama, they don't need you stirring up more. Listen to their school or friend issues but don't get in the middle of it. Let them sort it out. Nod, sympathize but don't fan the flames.
2. Make your home neutral. When kids walk in the door they need to feel emotionally safe. Smile, give them space if they are cranky, and tell them you love them.
3. Set boundaries. When kids know what to expect and you hold them accountable, that increases their sense of security. Remember, security=better self worth.
4. Stop yelling. I'm serious. I cannot come up with one good reason to yell--unless life or limb is in peril.
5. Stop being offended. I really believe we choose to be offended. I also believe that very few people are out to offend anyone else. If they do offend, it's usually unintentional. If for some reason it IS intentional, that's their problem. Like Idina Menzel says, "Let It Go!"
As parents, let's be the adults in our homes and social circles. Our children will watch how we handle our emotions and pattern their own after us. What kind of example are you setting? I know I can be better, can you?
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