Will I Be Happy Again?

A vivid memory came to me today.  A few years ago I was driving down a road in my neighborhood, with a mind weighed down by a number of issues and this thought popped into my head:  "Will I every be truly happy again?"

That's heavy.

Up until that point I had led a rather charmed existence.  Sure, I had my share of troubles and trials and even disappointments, but the last few years had done a number on me.  We were struggling with parenting issues involving our teens and young adults, some uncertainty on the job front and it all just felt, well...overwhelming.  It seemed we were traveling through trial after trial and even the brief respite from trials felt uncomfortable--like we were waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I had worn out my knees in prayer, read a mountain of parenting books and blogs, talked to friends and still, as I drove down that road I felt a sense of hopelessness.

I'm not sure it was depression exactly--more like I couldn't see how I could ever go back to my previous, mostly foot loose and fancy free life now that I had experienced the flip side.  I was now convinced that just around the corner surely another trial was coming, so how could I truly be joyful in the in-between?

And then I realized something:  If I was waiting for happiness to come because of a lack of hardships in my life, I was probably going to be waiting a long time.  Life is hard!  It is meant to be difficult because it's through and because of those difficulties that we stretch and grow and become the people God intends for us to be.  If everything was lollipops and sunshine all the time, how would we appreciate the lessons we learn and the growth we make?  We wouldn't--we would become stagnant, boring people who can't relate to the rest of the trial laden population.

When I realized this, a switch began to flip.  I started to notice that I had much more empathy for those suffering.  When you allow yourself to acknowledge and own your hardships and share those with others, it's amazing the relationships that emerge.  Nobody wants perfect friends! They want flawed, vulnerable friends because underneath that's what we all are.  I started to recognize that I had more appreciation for the smaller things in life:  meaningful conversations with my children, a weekend away, a lunch with a friend.  And slowly the sense of hopelessness began to lift and joy filled in that space.

Now, instead of worrying about what's around the corner I acknowledge that something IS around the corner--and it's alright.  It will help me grow and stretch and love a little more.  It will make me stronger in the end and more dependent on others and the Lord.  It will make me a better me.  It's true, that joy IS found in the journey.  May we embrace our journey.

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