So I Guess I Live In Utah Now...

Well, I've arrived in the land of milk and honey. 

Or more accurately, the land of soda shops and cookie stores. 

Why have we moved to Utah you ask? The short answer is, I'm not entirely sure. But let me share the longer answer with you...

For about the last 5 years I have been searching for what is next. Who am I now that my kids are grown and gone? Where do I belong, and how can I serve? 

And like most great ideas in my life, the answer came as I was stepping out of the shower:

"The reason you can't figure out what you are supposed to be doing is because it's not here. It's in Utah."

What????

Honestly, this idea--this revelation--terrified me. I mean, I've never thought of myself as a Utah girl. (My eyelashes are way to sparse for that title). But I knew, with absolute certainty, that Utah is where we needed to be.

So here we are. And it's weird and it's different and it still makes little sense, but, it's right.

Sometimes in life we have to take big leaps. We have to do what's difficult or uncomfortable because standing still means going backwards.

And I don't want to go backwards. I want to learn and grow and become the person that HE wants me to be. I want to lift and love and serve and LIVE.

Even if (especially if) it means doing that in Utah.

Death, Grief and Lessons Learned

Six months. Six months since my mom died. 

I find death to be such a strange experience, and wholly unique to the individual. I can't speak for others, but I'm taking this six month "anniversary" (is that what it is?) to share what I've felt, what I've learned, and where I go from here.

The idea of my mom actually dying has filled me with dread ever since I was a little girl. I have this vivid memory of laying in bed one night when I was probably 7 or 8 years old and realizing for the first time that my parents were going to die someday. I remember jumping up and running to my mom crying about this new revelation, to which she looked at me calmly and said "yep-we're all going to die one day and that's ok."

Guess what? 

She was right.

But needless to say as time went on, and particularly over the last few years as I saw my mom's health declining, I became more and more worried about the inevitable event of her passing. Mom and I were/are close. We talked often and went to lunch every Tuesday for probably the last 15 years. We've never had any big arguments or disagreements and for that I'm grateful (though I think that's probably atypical). I say all this so you understand a little bit about WHY I was so worried about her dying.

Who would I go to for advice?

What would family events look like?

How would my dad do?

How would I handle it??

Here is what I have learned:

1. I miss her every day, but not in a terribly sad way, but in a strange "I can't believe she is dead" sort of way. (Seriously, almost every day either Dave or I say "I can't believe Mom is dead"." It's the oddest feeling.) People ask how I'm doing and I answer "fine"--which is the truth. I'm not overcome with emotion or distraught with grief, but it's just...weird. I mean one day a person is here and the next, they aren't. It takes some getting used to. Almost every day I find myself going to text or call her, and then I realize she probably already knows whatever it is I was going to share with her anyway, but I throw a prayer up to Heaven just to keep her in the loop.

2. Her death has brought my family closer. I have a great family and we all get along. But grief has a way of bringing people together. We text and talk more. We coordinate "taking care of Dad" (and I use that term loosely because my Dad is handling things like a champ). One of the sweetest memories I have of the last six months is the day we spent saying goodbye to Mom and the hours following. There is beauty in death.

3. I can do hard things. Perhaps because I was so fearful of this happening it was almost a relief when it did. Because then you just take a big breath and say "Alright. I can handle this." And you move forward. When I look back to the several weeks surrounding Mom's death I wonder how we managed it--and then I realize that we weren't alone. The Savior was with us and sent angels, both earthly and heavenly, to help.

4.. I know with a surety that I WILL see her again. Not "I hope to see her again." Not "I'm telling myself so I can manage." I 100% know that I will see her again. I honestly can't imagine navigating death if you didn't know this. It would be devastating. Not to trivialize this serious subject but the best way I can describe how I feel is that my mom is on a long vacation and when she gets back, we will catch up. Basically, that's Heaven right? That knowledge is beautiful and freeing and available to all.

I'm grateful for these last six months. For the growth in the midst of trials. For the lessons learned. For the affirmation that life exists beyond this one and that we can be with our loved ones forever. Forever! What peace that gives, and how blessed I am to know it.

2 Questions To Ask Yourself When Motivation Is Lacking

Motivation is a pesky concept to nail down. We know what it is, we have hope for where it can lead, but we can't always seem to find it. Then because we can't seem to find it we feel guilty, which on occasion leads to forward progress, but more often than not has quite the opposite effect. Perhaps one of the following scenarios sound familiar:

• You have a list a mile long that seems insurmountable so instead of tackling it you're on your couch in your pjs because the second season of "Cheer" just dropped and you HAVE to find out if Navarro holds onto the title or if they are toppled by the evil TVCC down the road? 

• Yesterday was a super productive day where you conquered your enormous to-do list, got your work out in and served your fellow man, but it's today has devolved into mindless tortilla chip eating while scrolling through social media.

• You want to get healthy, you know you'll feel better if you do, but you've read 999 different books, articles, and IG posts about the "right" way to do it and they are in direct conflict with each other. "Bread is the root of all evil!" "Eat ONLY grains. Meat will kill you!" "Diet Coke is....(well, let's just leave Diet Coke out of it, shall we?) So instead of making a plan you are so overwhelmed that you give up and take a 2 hour nap.

Chasing motivation can be exhausting. Finding it is elusive. Instead let's take "getting motivated" out of the equation and shift the focus to getting unstuck by asking 2 simple questions and then digging a little deeper:

QUESTION #1: HOW DID I SPEND MY LAST HOUR?

Remove judgement--the past is behind you and it can't be changed, but it can give you some good data to work off of. Take the emotion out of it and consider what you can learn from the last 60 minutes. Dig deeper by asking:

• Am I happy with how I spent the last 60 minutes?
• Did it fill my emotional cup?
• Did it move me closer to my goals?  

If the answer to these questions is yes, then fantastic! You're headed in the right direction. If the answer is no, that's OK! Take a minute to figure out why you were unhappy with the last hour. Consider asking the following:

• Was I buffering (avoiding) a necessary task?
• Am I stuck because I have "perfection paralysis"? 
• Are my expectations realistic? If not, how can I reframe them?

QUESTION #2: HOW WILL I SPENT MY NEXT HOUR?

The beauty of the future is that it isn't written yet! Starting NOW you get to choose how you spend the next 60 minutes. It's a clean slate waiting to be filled and thanks to question #1 you have some great information to work off of. Analyze what that information means for your goals and decide accordingly, using some of these questions to find your answer:

• What is one small step I can take right now?
• How can I make my expectations more realistic?
• What will be my priorities be for the next 60 minutes? (Set the intention).
• How do I want to feel when the hour is up? 

Simplifying the process by asking these 2 questions and then digging a little deeper can help you overcome the overwhelm and propel you to positive action which will yield positive results. Your future is not yet written and change is possible regardless of your previous pattern of behavior.

In the meantime, be gentle on yourself, learn from the past and look forward to the future with faith (and maybe a Diet Coke.)

The Freedom in "Keeping it Real"

 

A number of years ago I looked around my home at the chaos that raising 6 kids had created. Goldfish crackers on the couch, discarded socks, a pile of shoes by the door, dishes in the sink left over from baking cookies the night before and taking center stage were props we were creating for an upcoming high school production. On a whim, I turned on my camera to record the state of affairs and uploaded the video to Instagram. The caption read “Keeping It Real”.

 

I learned something in that moment. My baring it all for the world (or my small number of IG friends) to see was freeing. But more importantly, it was freeing for other people. Almost within seconds I was getting comments and messages from other moms saying, “thank you! My house looks just like this!” It’s as if by showing 60 seconds of real life, I allowed space for admitting that life is messy. It's imperfect. It’s real, and often, it’s pretty mediocre.

 

We live in a world full of big ideas. Constantly, we are encouraged to be better, live larger, dare more, reach higher. All are great concepts, but I fear that when taken in the aggregate they can produce the opposite results of what we want, or more importantly what is healthy for us. Too often perfection (or the pursuit of it) looms over us and instead of becoming better, we feel we are falling behind, missing out, or not measuring up. What if instead of trying to look, act, or be perfect, we instead embraced the mediocre?

 

At this point, some of you probably want to stop reading. You wouldn’t be the first. In fact, years ago I was asked to write an article on raising children for a parenting website. I titled it “Mediocrity, Let’s Celebrate.” The editors hated it.  Their feedback stated, “While we love the article, we don’t think the title is the type of message we want to send to our readers.” I was disappointed but I understood. The concept of mediocrity isn’t inspiring. It’s not sexy. It’s certainly not popular. But, what if, by understanding it, it allows for the freedom to let go of perfection and to let real life in? What if by recognizing that we will be great at very few things, but good enough at loads of others, we create space for adventure, compassion and grace for ourselves and others? What if by “keeping it real” we become better parents, spouses, friends, citizens and human beings?   

 

I’m going to dive into this idea of “keeping it real.” I hope that by doing so I learn more about myself and others. Perhaps in the messy, mundane, everyday life, great joy and purpose it to be found. I hope you join me.

 

Mediocrity—Let’s Celebrate!

As a mom do you ever feel like a flight attendant on a plane that's about to go down? Chaos is happening all around you, people are panicking, nobody knows what to do and you're standing up shouting:

"EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! WE ARE GOING TO BE JUST FINE!"

Now I understand that my job is to be the grown up. We can't have mom freaking out when things start going south, but every once in awhile, just a teensy part of the time, it can be a little overwhelming to keep the boat steady. Because as crazy as it seems, moms are people too. That's right. We get stressed, and upset and frustrated. Sometimes we even get our feelings hurt.

Shocker, I know.

I was talking to another mom recently and she said "you know sometimes I get tired of always having to be the one that's in a good mood, the one that has to cater to everyone else's feelings." That resonated with me. As moms we take on the troubles and cares of our children and spouses. We feel deeply when someone is hurting and we understand that often that hurt gets misdirected towards us. Once I heard someone say "you're only as happy as your saddest child." Now, I don't completely subscribe to that philosophy because if I did, with six kids the percentage of time I would be happy would be really low...But as a mom it can be challenging to navigate the times when our family members are struggling.

And I want to be clear that 90% of the time I'm grateful that I'm capable of managing the whirlwinds of family life. I want to hear my kid's troubles and I want them to come to me for advice. When my husband has a lot on his plate I want to lend a hand to help--I welcome it. I take great pride (is it ok to say pride?) in being able to do that. It's what I signed up for and it's in my job description--a job that I love. I mean that--I love it.

But if every once in a while, in a rare moment, I can't figure out how to put my oxygen mask on, maybe just give me a second to catch my breath, regain my composure and then return to directing you to the emergency exits.

 

FOUR REASONS I AM A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS

"You know Mom, some people think we are crazy for being Mormon".

As a life long member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints--what some mistakenly refer to as "the Mormon Church"--I'm no stranger to this sentiment that my daughter expressed one night while watching an episode of Dateline.  (What is it about me and Dateline?  And why does every murder happen in the state of Florida??)  But I digress...I'm fully aware that our religion can seem strange to others and that's evident by the types of questions I get asked:

"Do you wear magic underwear?"  (Uh--no...I don't believe my underwear has magical properties but I guess it would be kind of cool if it did.)

"Does your husband have more than one wife?"  (Nope--I'm plenty for him plus where would we put another wife??)

"Why don't you believe in birth control?"  (Actually, if we DIDN'T believe in it I'd have like 20 kids by now thanks to my fertile womb.)

"Why is Coca Cola evil?" ( It's not.  Diet Coke might be the greatest invention ever and anyone who thinks otherwise is missing out.  I drink Diet Coke, eat chocolate and am known to pop a couple of Excederin on occasion.)

Truth be told, I welcome these kinds of questions because I'd much rather someone ask me and get the real answer than find some crazy answer on Reddit threads.  It's like my husband says, "if I had a question about Jews I wouldn't ask a Catholic, I'd ask a Jew!"  So questions are good--even the weird ones.

But out of all those questions one that I am rarely asked is WHY am I a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?  It seems to me that's the real question on people's mind--either because they are actually curious or because they think I'm a little crazy, but regardless I thought I would share my top reasons I claim this faith:

REASON #1:  WHEREVER YOU GO THERE IS ALWAYS A CHURCH FAMILY

This is 100% true.  It does not matter if you live in Cleveland or Zimbabwe, you will find a Latter Day Saint congregation and they will be an automatic built in family.  My son who served a mission in Brazil remarked how wherever he went he would find the latino version of someone from his ward (that's LDS speak for "congregation") back home.  Need help moving into your new area?  Call the Bishop and a crew of youth and men with trucks will be there to help you unload and will smile while doing it.  Need a babysitter?  No problem--call the Young Women's President and she will give you at least six teenage girls who will be glad to help, and smile while doing it.  Sickness or death?  There will be a week's worth of dinners provided by your ward family, all delivered with that smile.  We not only take care of our own, but our neighbors as well--and we smile while doing it.

REASON #2:  NEED SOMETHING?  I CAN FIND IT!

Thanks to the vast network of church members we almost always know someone that has what you need.  No joke.  Need a plumber, electrician, mechanic or doctor?  I can find you one with about 10 minutes notice.  (A neighbor recently ran me down to say "I know you're Mormon and Mormons always know everyone and I need a concrete guy--who do you suggest?")  Need a Santa for a work party or a Princess for your 5 year old's birthday?  I've got just the people.  How about a chocolate fountain for a wedding reception.  Heck--I can find EVERYTHING you need for a reception  AND pull it together with a week's notice!  We are a resourceful people, we are.  (And really good at planning quick weddings.)

REASON #3:  I CAN LEARN ANY SKILL

It is 100% true that nearly every skill or talent I've learned has come from my association with the church.  We have a strong belief in education of any sort and many of our sermons, classes, youth activities, and studies center on developing new skills and talents.  Some examples:

*organizing a home
*keeping family records
*budgeting/estate planning
*planning events
*running organizations
*sewing
*cooking (notice I said I learned these things--I don't always practice them...)
*improving my relationship with my spouse
*parenting skills
*public speaking
*how to fix a vacuum
*how to change a tire
*how to use EXCEL
*painting/decorating
*how to deal with anxiety/depression
*helping loved ones with addictions
*diet and exercise
*dance and singing
*playing a musical instrument
*appreciation for the arts
*assertiveness and confidence
*crafts of every kind  (seriously--SO many crafts...)

This doesn't even scratch the surface but you get the idea.  If I want to learn it I guarantee I can find a class, talk, lesson or church member to teach me.

REASON #4:  IT'S TRUE

Sure, all of the above reasons are nice perks to being a member of the church, but the bottom line, is this:  I know it's true.  Not just "think".  I'm not just "pretty sure".  It's not just because "I grew up this way."  Nope--those things won't carry you through in this religion that frankly, requires quite a bit of you.  I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints because I know, with all the surety in the world, that this is right and true. Perhaps you think I'm deceived. Perhaps you think I'm misguided. Or perhaps you think, like my daughter said, "you're crazy." I'm ok with that because I know what I know and I'm blessed to know it.  I've seen the blessings that come from living it and the growth I experience because of it.  I feel it in the sweet moments of Sunday worship and service but perhaps more importantly when on my knees in the depths of despair.  I've read and studied and pondered and asked God if it's true and he told me with all the certainty in the world that it is.


*if you have questions about the Mormon church feel free to ask me or find answers at https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist

Election Year Drama: Finding a Candidate Who Is "Honest, Good, and Wise"

WHO SHOULD I VOTE FOR??

I have friends and family on both sides of the political spectrum with very strong opinions about who they (and apparently I ) should vote for in the upcoming presidential election. Personally I have never before felt so strongly the weight of my vote. Not so much because I think it will make that big of a difference—living in a state that always swings democratic takes some of the pressure off—but because I feel a strong moral imperative to do my due diligence in supporting the person that I think is most fit for the job. 

Most of you know that I am a faithful (though imperfect) member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and as such I often seek counsel from scripture and leaders of our faith. As I have wrestled with my decision I sought guidance from our Church Handbook of Instruction which states: 

 

In accordance with the laws of their respective governments, members are encouraged to register to vote, to study issues and candidates carefully, and to vote for individuals whom they believe will act with integrity and sound judgment. Latter-day Saints have a special obligation to seek out, vote for, and uphold leaders who are honest, good, and wise (see Doctrine and Covenants 98:10).

While affirming the right of expression on political and social issues, the Church is neutral regarding political parties, political platforms, and candidates for political office. The Church does not endorse any political party or candidate. Nor does it advise members how to vote.

(https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/38-church-policies-and-guidelines?lang=eng#title_number178)

 

I take seriously this mandate and I take exception with those of my faith who profess to tell others how they should vote or make assertions that “faithful members” should vote for a particular candidate. I also believe that the counsel given could aptly apply not just to members of my faith, but to all who are participating in the voting process. After all, don’t we all want leaders who are “honest, good, and wise?”

 

The trick is trying to figure out exactly who that is. It’s no secret that the media is biased. (I joke that every day I read CNN and Fox News and then try to find the truth somewhere in the middle.) Numbers can be skewed, news clips are spliced together to present a biased viewpoint and the amount of factually wrong memes, youtube compilations and quotes that are making the rounds on social media is exhausting.

 

So where does that leave me? I decided that the most unbiased information I could get comes from, for lack of a better phrase, “straight from the horse’s mouth.” 

Enter, Twitter.

 

The beauty of Twitter is that these are tweets put out by the individual themselves. (I realize we could make a case that the tweets are molded and fashioned by writers or PR teams but unless I happen to get invited to brunch with President Trump or Joe Biden, this is the closest I can get to what they actually are saying.)

 

So I did a little research. And I found it super fascinating. I’m not going to tell you my thoughts on the candidates at this time—I don’t want to bias you. But there is something about reading exactly what each one of the puts out there that is quite eye opening. In all honesty, it’s been the most helpful thing I’ve found so far to help me in my quest to “seek out, vote for, and uphold leaders who are honest, good, and wise.”

 

Perhaps you are interested as well. If so, I’ve compiled the links I used here. Happy reading! 

 

Trump’s Current Twitter Feed: https://twitter.com/potus?lang=en

Site that has categorized President Trump’s Tweets: http://www.trumptwitterarchive.com

Deleted Trump Tweets:

https://projects.propublica.org/politwoops/user/realDonaldTrump?page=2

 

Deleted Biden Tweets: https://projects.propublica.org/politwoops/user/JoeBiden?page=2

Archive of Biden’s Tweets from presidency: https://twitter.com/vp44?lang=en

Biden’s current tweets: https://twitter.com/JoeBiden?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

 

(I looked for a site that categorized Joe Biden’s tweets but have not yet found it. If you track one down, I would love to see it!)

Note: lest you think that I am strictly using Twitter as my voting barometer, rest assured that I'm studying up on the platforms and policies as well. But those Twitter feeds...they are fascinating...

*Photo Credit: Clouds In Bloom Photography

 

 

A Story of Hope. And Face Masks.

           

Let me tell you a story...It's a story of a group of people who in times of crisis came together to answer prayers, including mine...

As I write this we are on day 46 (?) of our quarantine due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Pandemic--the fact that this word is part of our everyday vocabulary is crazy to me, but here we are. It's affected nearly every aspect of our lives and each day as I look at an empty calendar and go on my near silent nightly walk, I am struck by just how drastically life can change. School is finished for the rest of the year, Kennedy's play (which she would have shined in) was cancelled (along with everything else) and Dave's work has drastically slowed. Mine is non-existent. To say things are unsettling would be an understatement. Not just for us, but for everyone.

Dave and I often talk about the idea that trials in our life make us stronger. It's not a new concept and we've seen it play out for us and our family. Heck, Dave even wrote a book  about it!  Perhaps it's because of those instances in our life that when this quarantine hit I decided we had to find some good to come of it.

It started in the form of sewing a few face masks.

Thanks to my near olympic ability to scroll for hours through Facebook I knew that there seemed to be some sort of need regarding face masks. I just had this feeling that I needed something to do and somewhere to channel my energy and serve so I rummaged through my meager craft supplies and then hit up my good friend Debra and my sister, Melinda and got to sewing. A few days later and a few FB posts later I found some friends that needed face masks and I found as I worked I was less worried, less stressed and a little happier.

Enter Pizza Hut. (Lisa Oliverio, I'm talking to you.)

Lisa, a big-wig in the Pizza Hut scene (and generous employer of many Morgan boys, for which we can't thank her enough) saw one of my posts and said she could use 200 face masks. 200! Now anyone that knows me knows that there is something about a big, seemingly impossible number that makes me...determined. (Who remembers the TP event of 2018??) Luckily, I have good friends who are in tune with promptings and this time was no different.

Barbara Rogers was on it.

As the head of our women's organization at church she had been looking for a service project for the women and their friends to participate in. (Also, she took pity on me and probably knew that given my meager sewing skills it was going to take me a looooong time to sew 200 face masks.) The woman was inspired because a day or so later "The SEWcial Distancing Club" was born. (name credit goes to Parker Morgan and thank heavens because Dave proposed calling it "I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Face Masks").

If anyone is wondering about the power of a FB group, let me tell you about ours. Within a day or so we had 100 members. (We are now approaching 500!)  Friends and friends of friends who wanted to help. From the start we have been amazed to see women (and a few men) join the call to action. They have donated supplies, cut fabric, assembled packets and sewn and delivered face masks. How many you ask?

5426 as of this morning.

You read that right--over 5000 face masks which have been donated to over 50 organizations in our local community. Hospitals, clinics, assisted living homes, schools, homeless shelters, businesses, historical societies, and more. In fact, soon the entire Vancouver Police Department will be sporting masks from this group! And as we have worked we have seen miracles.

Our members tell us that their anxiety is removed. They report that their depression is lifted. Our club members talk about having a sense of community at a time when we are all isolated at home. Families are working together. Couples are delivering supplies and finished products. We hear stories of sisters cleaning out their mother's hope chest after her passing and finding brand new white sheets to donate to our cause because "it is what our mother would have wanted". Neighbors are cutting up their very own shirts to use as fabric because they want to contribute. Treats and supplies, and even dinner shows up on our door step right when they are needed. We are blessing the lives of the recipients of these masks but in the process, we are seeing that the true blessing comes to us that are serving.

If you have followed my blog you know that I've been struggling for a while to find my "purpose". After 28 years the last of our six children leaves home next year . I've prayed and prayed to know how to use my talents for a greater good. To find a way to feel fulfilled, but really to just contribute to the world at large.

This has been an answer to prayers. It's a testament to me that God is mindful. It's a reminder to me that He uses others to answer those pleas. I understand a little better about patience and "waiting on the Lord". And I've learned that people are good. So very good. For that, I am so very thankful.

And that goal of 200 face masks? Well, we've adjusted it a bit. 10,000 here we come!

*If you would like to join our cause (or even just follow our adventure) you can find us at:
SEWcial Distancing Club

Dave's Book: My God Hath Been My Support

The One Family Tradition We've Managed To Follow Through With

I should preface this post by saying that as far as family traditions go, we are a little bit on the slow bike in the back. Meaning, I've never been great at consistently remembering to actually follow through on most traditions. The tooth fairy? By kid #3 we were simply handing dollar bills out like candy. Elf on the shelf? The only year we were truly successful was the year Jordan took over elf duties--and terrified the rest of the house. (I mean how does one rearrange someone's entire bedroom while his brother is sleeping in the bed??) Birthday festivities? Uh...can I Venmo you $50? My intentions are good but either due to lack of creativity or commitment I often fall short in the traditions category.

However, there is one tradition that we started years ago that has remained in force and it's probably my favorite. In what I am sure was a moment of inspiration--either from heaven or Pinterest (maybe they are one in the same?) we instituted our "Book of Mormon Time Capsule" and last night was our latest unveiling. The concept is simple: in 2005 as our family started our next read through of  The Book of Mormon, we created a family time capsule. It included our own "gold plates" (which were really silver and held each of our testimonies) along with a few mementos to represent that time of life. Then each time we finish another read through, we open up our time capsule, read over our memories and start the process over again. It has been such a joy (and is also hilarious) to see how our testimonies have grown, whether our predictions have come true, and to remember what we were up to. As it usually takes us at least 2 years to finish a read thru (don't judge us, we are a work in progress) there are usually some big changes that happen and often a few surprises. (A prediction that Trump would be impeached?? Who knew?? Oh wait--I did...)

Over the years we have included the following:

• Our testimonies
• Predictions for where we will be and what we will be up to the next time we open the capsule
• Christmas lists
• Family Home Evening Lessons
• Medals/Awards
• Newspapers and Yearbooks
• Pictures/drawings
• Random offerings that we wish we would have labeled--why are there candy hearts in there??
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
            
  
           

In case you want to start something similar I offer a few tips:

• Date everything!!! (This seems like common sense, but...)
• Sort each "opening" by clipping it together, putting it in a ziplock, etc. (Again it SEEMS like common sense, but...)
• Label WHY something is in there. (Those candy hearts had some significance but nobody can remember what that is...)
• Be creative!

We didn't realize when we started this project just how much joy it would bring over the years. There are so many moments in our lives that we think we will remember and yet time has a way of dimming those memories. I feel like this capsule captures the heart of our crazy little family--the emotions, the thoughts, the wit (after all Parker predicted he would "get swoll" and Carter predicted "Jim and Pam will finally get married), the hopes and plans for the future. So the Morgans might not win any contests for the amount or complexity of family traditions, but for us this one is a success.

*For those of you not familiar with the Book of Mormon, more info can be found here: Book of Mormon Info

The Best of TV (According To My Sources)

In my quest to find my purpose I've been sidetracked. And the culprit is "Poldark". Have you seen this show??? I have a serious love/hate relationship but it did provide some mindless distraction for a while. (But WHY IN HEAVEN'S NAME does Ross keep going over to Trendwith??  WHY?????) 

Here's the thing--at the Morgan house we are creatures of habit which means we tend to watch the same series and the same episodes over and over. (In fact as I type this we are watching an episode of Seinfeld that I could probably recite by heart.) 

I decided it was time to broaden my TV viewing, but what to watch? So much to choose from and so much that is garbage. And so, I turned to the best place I know to get advice: Facebook.

And friends, FB provided. Or more accurately my awesome FB friends did! So many suggestions and now it seems I have a lot of TV to get to. For those of you that expressed interest in getting the list I complied from the 166 (1) comments, here you go:

Castle

Call the Midwife

Gilmore Girls

Hart of Dixie

Kim’s Convenience (Netflix)

The Goldbergs

Longmire

White Collar

Chuck

Bluebloods

Bones

A Million Little Things

Final Table (cooking show)

Bookshop

Friday Night Lights

The Good Place

Doc Martin

Heartland

Mrs. Wison

Elementary

Community

Fringe 

Better off Ted

The Crown

Leverage

Madam Secretary

Chernobyl

Victoria

Downton Abbey

House of Cards

Psych

Community

Parks and Rec

Hawaii 5-0

Brooklyn 99

Sneaky Pete

Parenthood

Chuck

Life in Pieces

See No Evil

Snapped

Nailed It

Heartland 

Justified

The OC

Broadchurch

Luther

River

Sherlock

Cheers

Frasier

3^rd Rock from the Sun

Pushing Daisies

God Friended Me

Drop Dead Diva

Great American British Baking Show

America To Me

TURN

VIDANGEL these:

-B Bodyguard (9/10)
-Breaking Bad (10/10)
-Stranger Things (8/10)
-Luther (8/10)
-Umbrella Academy (7/10)

reaking Bad (10/10)
-Stranger Things (8/10)
-Luther (8/10)
-Umbrella Academy (7/10)

-A Place to Call Home

Merlin

The Good Witch

The Durells in Corfu (Netflix)*

Murdoch Mysteries

Father Brown

Bomb Girls and Land Girls (might be 2 series)

Last Tango

Foyles War

Hallifax

Doc Martin

LA Law

Person of Interest

Vera

Line of Duty

Loch Ness

Netflix

Madam Secretary

The Crown

Last Tango in Halifax

Longmire

Arrested Development

Hinterland

70s

80s

90s

Rectify

Five Came Back

Hell on Wheels

Miracle

Brian Regan

Hulu

Gavin and Stacey

Prime Suspect

Rizzoli and Isles

MI5

Scott and Bailey

Can Someone Point Me In the Right Direction? Mid-life Crisis Up Ahead

“Begin with the end in mind”. I stumbled upon this quote on FB the other day and it spoke to me. Not in the “oh…NOW I understand where my priorities should be” sort of way. No. Not that. More like the “but what if you have no idea what end you want?” sort of way. Now I’m not talking about the BIG end. Nah…that’s pretty clear. I want to greet the next life with my family intact, as a follower of Christ and a life well lived. That I understand. That I get.

What I am having the hardest time figuring out is what the next steps in this life should be. This isn’t a new feeling. It’s been hanging around for a while-a few years if I’m being honest. A usually gentle (but sometimes not so gentle) feeling in the back of my mind. A feeling that there is something I’m supposed to be doing, a goal I’m supposed to be working towards. Just…something. 

I have no idea what that something is. 

I know what you’re thinking. Classis signs of a mid-life crisis right? You probably wouldn’t be wrong. Soon I hit the big 50 and in less than that the last of our children will leave the nest. The gray hairs are multiplying by the minute, I just bought my first pair of drugstore eyeglasses, and I’m a legit grandma. It seems like the perfect time for me to lose it a little, perhaps reassess my life goals and actually move towards them.

But what if you don’t know what your life goals ARE?? I am blessed. Beyond blessed. That fact is not lost on me and I thank my lucky stars for the life I have, the people I call family and the friends that love me for my quirky self. I have a rock star husband. (Seriously—he’s the BEST!). I’ve got great kids who married great kids and are having adorable babies. I’ve got the knowledge that the gospel is here on the earth and I’ve got a boat load of faith. I’m grateful for it all, and perhaps becauseI am so grateful for it all, I don’t want to squander this life. I want to be better, try harder, accomplish more, reach my goals.

As soon as I find out what those goals are…

So, if you can relate, or have any bright ideas, or even just have a magic 8 ball I can borrow to figure this out, I’d sure appreciate it.

Photo Cred: Daniel Gonzalez

Other People's Opinions of You Are None of Your Business

Meet my niece Annie. Annie is six years old and wants to be a clown when she grows up. I want to be Annie when I grow up.

Life has a way of throwing you off balance one in a while. Ok--maybe more than once in a while. But have you ever felt like things were humming along pretty nicely and then "wham", life throws you a curve ball? Or maybe it actually feels more like a tidal wave? Yes. That seems like a more accurate description now that I'm thinking about it...

In those moments it can feel like a spotlight is pointed at you, shining a light on your situation for the world to see and well, quite frankly, judge. And let's be honest, people are judging. I'm not going to pretend that I'm above being judgmental because I'm not. Although there is nothing that will humble you more than going through a life trial. I was talking with a teen recently about something she had going on and she said "I just know people are talking about me and what happened."

"Yep," I told her. "They are."

I'm not going to lie to her because that's just being unauthentic. People talk. People judge. It's human nature. Sometimes it's because they think they could do it better. Often it's because it gives them a false sense of security. ("At least I don't have the Morgans problems"). Occasionally they think they are being helpful. (Here's some advice: usually they aren't).

It begs the question "why?" Why do we let other people get into our heads? Why do we let other people question how we live our life-how we raise our children, live our religion, spend our money, use our time? Why should it matter?

I'm not sure it does. Outside of the obvious--not doing intentional harm to our loved ones and living within the law, it's not really up to anyone else to make us question or feel badly about ourselves. Heaven knows we are pretty good at doing that to ourselves.

Nobody knows us except God. He knows and loves us perfectly. He knows our struggles. He knows our heart. He knows the path HE has designed for us--not the one we think He has designed for us, or others think He has designed for us.

I'm working on saving my energy to be my best self. MY best self--not the person someone else thinks I should be. I heard this great quote today: "Other people's opinions of you are none of your business."

How great is that? And true! Too much of our energy gets taken up with worrying about how others view us and to what end? How does that serve us?

When Annie showed up at the park in full on clown regalia, complete with magic marker make-up, a snarky teenager teased her about it. She just said "I want to be a clown."

Its for sure--I want to be Annie when I grow up.

Oh--and I'm keeping this photo forever. Because it is AWESOME.

People Pleasing As A Life Strategy: It Works. Until It Doesn't

I was born a pleaser. Not in the "I want to fit in and be cool " pleaser sort of way. More like the "I don't want to give anyone any trouble or think that I'm not doing ok sort of way." Perhaps that is pride-the desire for others to think everything is A-Ok. After all, nobody likes a whiner. I certainly don't. The motto for our house, for heaven's sake, was "no crying, no whining, no talking back." Vague social media posts begging for sympathy annoy me and we all know people who seem to delight in their troubles. So perhaps it's my "anti-whining" sentiment that contributed to the people pleasing trait.

Then there is the fact that it's not really appropriate to air ALL of your dirty laundry. I mean, there comes a point when disclosing the nitty gritty of your life that you just start making people uncomfortable. You know that look people give when in a moment of indiscretion a person vomits the entire workings of their mind and you can see the other party visibly start retreating for the door with a look of "get this woman a therapist"? No? Maybe that's just me...

This "people-pleasing, life is just hunky dory" mentality works pretty well. Until it doesn't. Until one day your seemingly "perfect" life is not so perfect and becomes apparent in a somewhat (or maybe major) public way.

When that happens you have a few options. The first is the natural response: PR management. You put on a happy face, start looking for a positive "spin" on your personal life sensational headline, and go full throttle on damage control. Because people pleasers at heart are experts at damage control.

If that strategy doesn't prove successful or requires too much energy, the next approach is what I refer to as "pulling up the drawbridge". When your current trial is taking up so much energy you don't have time for damage control, instead, you close the door (literally and figuratively). This is demonstrated by going into dark mode where you avoid people as much as humanly possible. If it isn't possible then this is done with a smile on your face and the response "everything is fine" when those you are forced to associate with notice your less than normal cheery demeanor. In actuality you're a psycho mess but you don't want to bother anyone else with that nonsense and more importantly, letting someone else know means you actually have to start dealing with it as opposed to playing Candy Crush for hours on end while lying in your pjs on the couch with a stack of Oreos.

Or so I hear...

But I'm here to tell you that I have discovered a better way. And it's a scary way at first for us people pleasers. It's called "vulnerability". Perhaps you've heard of it. Perhaps that word makes you roll your eyes or retreat in fear. Perhaps, if you're a people pleaser who is currently strung so tight you will explode any minute, you might try giving it a shot.

Vulnerability means admitting first to yourself, and then to those you are close with that things aren't ok at the moment. It means saying "I'm struggling," or "life is hard" or "I have no idea how to handle this right now and I might be losing my mind". It means opening your soul a little bit and confronting the fact that your life might be less than perfect. Vulnerability is not vague booking or whining or airing all your dirty laundry. It's sharing your worries with someone you trust--not the internet.

It's scary at first. But then something happens. Something wonderful.

A weight is lifted. Not just for you but for those you share with. Because here is a little secret: their life isn't perfect either. And now you've opened that door-that space-to allow them to be vulnerable too. To recognize that it's ok to admit that life has thrown a curve ball.

In the last several years our life has thrown us a few curve balls. In actuality that's been happening for a long time. Because life is not meant to be easy. Growth doesn't come from easy. Yet too many of us think that when things are hard that we are doing something wrong and even more disturbingly, that we are in this alone.

Alone is what leads to anxiety, to stress, to depression, to chronic people pleasing.

Alone is scary.

You don't have to be alone. I have learned by experience that when we allow ourselves to say that we are going through a rough patch, something wonderful occurs. Empathy arrives. True friendships emerge and peace comes not just for yourself but for those you can confide in. Because there is a solid chance that they are struggling as well.

My challenge to all my fellow people pleasers is this: try being vulnerable. Try admitting that you could use some friend therapy. Or professional therapy. Try sitting with the idea that it's ok to say you could use some help.

And then watch the magic happen.

Reflections On The Teacher Strike: What can I do better?

For the past two weeks the teachers in our school district have been on strike as they negotiate a new contract. If you're reading this chances are you have at least read some of my FB posts discussing these events. I have found the entire process bewildering.

Truth be told I have never been very interested in politics. I have literally voted for a local representative based on their sign alone. And actually that's not entirely accurate. I voted for them because I couldn't stand their opponent's sign. (I'm not proud of that admission, but it gives you a glimpse into how involved I've been in the past. )

So when the negotiations started here in our district I had very little interest. I figured both sides would sort it out and life would continue as usual. Except it wasn't getting sorted out and suddenly I was seeing and hearing a lot about it. I started to do a little research and then a little more and before I knew it I was involved in my local political scene. It's not so important what "side" of the issue I am on (and to be frank my "side" depends on what part of the issue we are discussing).

What's important is what can I do moving forward? What can we ALL do?

A few months ago Dave and I were invited to a Strategic Planning Meeting for the district. We sat with other community leaders and parents as the district presented it's plans for the next five years. There were lots of slides and graphs and numbers and many, many programs discussed. But at the end of it I realized something:

Public schools cannot make up for what is lacking in our homes.

Because of the breakdown in homes we are seeing the effects in the classroom. There is more poverty. There is more instability. There is less discipline and good examples. There is more anxiety, stress and depression. It's falling on the district and educators to try to fill in the gaps. And it's not enough. It will never be enough.

Public schools cannot make up the difference. But we can.

We start in our own homes where we raise children with love, compassion and an expectation to strive for good things. We teach them respect for others, responsibility and how our actions affect those around us. We teach tolerance, patience and that bullying is not ok. We teach failure and resiliency and that they don't need to be perfect. We teach them their true worth--where they came from, why they are here and where they are going. We love our spouses and ourselves. We watch our tone, eliminate sarcasm and speak with love.

We do better.

And then we reach out.

We volunteer in the classroom to alleviate some of the educator's load. We set an example for the children who don't have what we can provide. We chaperone field trips, become a lunch buddy, serve in a booster group or on a PTA board. We learn who our children's friends are and invite them into our homes. We offer rides and attend their school events to show we value what they do. We volunteer our time and talents and reach outside ourselves to fill in the gaps.

That's what we do. That's what we must do.

Lets start filling in the gaps.

Disneyland Obsessed

It is no secret amongst those that know us that we love Disneyland. And by love, I mean, we can't shut up about it. My love of Disney started on my first visit as a teenager way back in 1980 something on our first "real" family vacation. The Magic Kingdom did not disappoint. I loved everything about it.  The rides, the churros, the parades and those handsome boys dressed up like princes. So handsome...I determined then and there that I would return to the Happiest Place On Earth for my honeymoon.

Fast forward a few (short) years and my dream came true. I was at Disneyland with a boy who loved it about 100 times more than I did, celebrating our recent marriage. Truth be told, neither of us can remember anything about this trip except the fact we were exhausted, but a tradition was born.

The only thing better than experiencing Disneyland yourself is watching your kids experience it. It is...magical! And I'll be frank--navigating 6 kids through the parks on a baking hot August day is it's own brand of exquisite pain.  (But on the flip side, after years of taking 6 kids to Disneyland you will experience a new joy when you return as a couple once again). I know what you skeptics are saying:  it's crowded and cliche and ridiculously expensive. And you would be right. But that doesn't stop me from tearing up a little every time the welcome music plays each morning and crying a little at the closing refrain of Fantasmic.

Because to us, going to Disneyland is like going home. Walking through the gates I can remember the look on 3 year old Davis's face as he saw the castle for the first time. Memories of each child riding their first "big" ride (usually after much cajoling/bribing) and Kennedy's visit with a real life Disney princess are so sweet. We have celebrated birthdays, lost teeth, (lost children )and even experienced a full on brother brawl in the middle of the Blue Ribbon Bakery on Main Street. We have had countless visits with friends and family, performances with the high school band and the dance company and introduced a daughter in law to the magic of Disneyland.

It's still ridiculously expensive. I know we are fortunate to be able to make this a tradition and I try not to take it for granted. We forego other things in life because we love Disneyland so much. It's crowded--and getting more so. (I'm still hoping they figure out an answer to this dilemma) And it's cliche, so cliche.  But that doesn't stop me from going back each year.  Because it's just so...magical.

We all have things like this that make up our family culture. Maybe it's a yearly backpacking trip.  Maybe it's renting a house at the beach. Maybe it's a cabin in the mountains. Sure, Disneyland is fun but it's the memories we make each time that make it special--and memories can be made anywhere.  So I'm curious:  What is YOUR Disneyland? Why do you love it and how did it become your family culture?  (And more importantly, when am I invited??)

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