What I CAN report is that we have made some progress in the area of giving our kids more responsibility and I'm finding that I'm becoming more aware of the times when I tend to step in and do for my kids what they can otherwise do for themselves. If you would have asked me a few months ago if I was a "helicopter mom" I would have said no and that would have been correct. Because I am a full on "search and rescue team Mom." A kid forgets his lunch: I'm running to school to leave it in the office. Daughter lost her brand new ballet tights--I'm headed to the store for a new pair. It's a sickness really. As I've worked to be more aware we have had some successes and here are some examples:
1. Handsome Morgan Boy VS Cranky Teacher-- we had a situation involving a scathing email regarding one of the Morgan Clan. In the past, I would have tried to really get to the bottom of the situation and "fixed" the problem. I've never been one to assume my kid is not at fault--in fact I usually assume my child is at least 75% at fault but I have always tried to remedy these situations when they arise. After all, though my kids aren't perfect they are pretty great and everyone should know this. This time, I did speak with the child and then sent a quick email to the teacher telling her we had discussed the situation and I was going to leave it up to the two of them to work out. And guess what--they did! Without my expertise. Imagine!
2. Personal Assistant--one day my schedule was packed with work, driving kids to lessons, making a meal for a friend, meetings, etc. (Shopping for ballet flats may or may not have been on the agenda.) I really needed to do some basic grocery shopping and figured I'd have to make a late night trip. Side note: I HATE grocery shopping. Like seriously despise it so I tend to put it off as long as possible. And then, as my 20 year old and 14 year old were headed out the door to the mall I had an "aha moment"--these boys were more than capable of going to the grocery store for me. So I wrote them a list and off they went. They came home later (after a few frantic texts regarding brands of spaghetti sauce) with the shopping done!
I know that doesn't seem like a lot but I think it's a start. After all changing your thinking is really most of the battle and I'm finding that more and more I'm stopping and thinking, "Is this something I need to do for them or can they do it on their own?" Surprisingly, most of the time, they can do it on their own and I think they feel a sense of accomplishment when it's done. That really is the whole point of this whole thing anyway--so maybe I'll ignore that clothes pile for another day:-)
I so enjoy reading your posts. You are so real! I often find myself in the same situations, especially the forgotten lunch one... But as a "stay at home mom", whatever that means, I think it's nice that we have the time and the desire to help our kids. It's so lovely when someone helps me. And not just when I can't do it for myself, but because they care. I try to teach my girls the skills to make them self sufficient and expect them to help around the house. But I bet that your "search and rescue team" parenting style is at least partially responsible for the 'search and rescue team" kind of friends and community members your kids already are. I say, good job!
ReplyDeleteThanks Cristina. I do agree that at times we need to help our kids. I still make my kids lunches--even the 18 year old because for some reason that is my way of showing I love them every day. I've just realized that sometimes I jump in a little too often to "solve" their problems and I'm trying to be more aware of it. You have great girls so you are obviously teaching them well.
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