"All I want is a domesticated raccoon, two river otters and a non-nocturnal owl."

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting my children, I'll let you in on a little secret:  they're sort of hilarious.  Seriously--they are way wittier than me which is the Dave Morgan gene in action.  Last night we were discussing the "no pet" policy we have here at the Morgan house.  Lest you think I am a hater of animals, let me explain...

We have a no pet policy at the Morgan house.

The kids, of course, try to get me to change my mind.  It will never work.  But last night it escalated.  First off, they all told me that they were going to have pets of there own some day.  Fine by me.  They can grow up to have 20 cats each for all I care as long as they pay for their own therapy.  Then they informed me that I was going to babysit them.  Not. A. Chance.  Most of them seem content to aspire to own a dog but not Davis.  Nope.  He wants "a domesticated raccoon, two river otters and a non nocturnal owl."  Who wouldn't right?  When I explained to him that raccoons can be pretty mean he assured me that he would tame it--and in the meantime he'd keep it in his closet until it was ready to join the family.  As for the river otters--he has an elaborate river system in mind for his future backyard and he explained that he needs two of them because apparently river otters hold hands when they sleep.  And he thinks that's cute.  The non-nocturnal owl?  I have no idea.

See?  My kids are weird--in a hilarious sort of way.

This weirdness explains why my house is a mess.  For instance, one of them (who shall remain nameless) showers every morning and then pulls all the towels off the hooks to make a nest of sorts on the ground and takes a nap in the steamy bathroom which lasts until I come pounding on the door with the news that the bus is going to be here in 4 minutes.  No wonder we could feed a small nation for what we pay in hot water.

Another one received a plunger as a gag gift years ago and it makes me crazy because it follows me around the house.  Seriously--I'll turn around and it will be sitting there mocking me, stupid plunger.  One time I even found it in my bed.  I was actually excited because the thing disappeared for about a year but guess what?  It's back.  And now it's joined by two top hats.  I kid you not. What the heck?

Do other families have these problems?  And if so, what is the solution?  And if there is one, do I really want to implement it?  Because my house may be a mess but we're always laughing over here and that's saying something.  But in the meantime I better check my closets for a raccoon in training...