Someone just give me a list!

I was talking with another mom today about how easy it is to get overwhelmed with the "shoulds" in our life--particularly as it relates to being mothers.  We should spend quality time with our kids.  We should teach them to be self reliant.  We should expect them to get good grades.  We should teach them to work hard.  We should teach them to live the gospel.  We should attend all their events.  We should provide for them but at the same time we don't want them to be spoiled brats. We should teach them to be respectful, hold a job, find a spouse and live a good life.  So many shoulds! It's exhausting! My friend and I were commiserating about how guilty we feel when we can't complete all the shoulds and agreed that what we really need is a list of the absolute shoulds.  Like on a scale of 1-10 how does picking up your socks rank compared to "hold a steady job."  Is eye rolling really  an 8 or 9 like it feels when it happens for the 10th time that day or is that maybe less important than "be a contributing member of society?"  How do we figure out what the bare minimum is we need to be doing when the bare minimum feels like a mountain let alone the thousand more "shoulds" that lurk out there?  And then we pile even more guilt on because we make the mistake of looking around and comparing ourselves to others.


I think this comparing is really the heart of the problem.  I've joked in the past about the dangers of pinterest but maybe it's not a joke.  We see these women with these perfectly organized houses and we think that that must carry over into every aspect of their life.  Or we read these cute little blogs and think that these women with their kids in matching outfits and hair bows must not struggle with self esteem issues or a pile of clothes on their tub.  One lady at church once told me that she was envious of my "perfect mormon life" and I actually laughed out loud.  And then told her she was sadly mistaken if she thought my life is perfect.  Don't get me wrong--I have a great life with so many things to be thankful for, but it is in no way perfect.  And it's not meant to be.

Heres the thing:  I don't have a sparkling clean house, a well manicured or landscaped yard, a perfect track record for family scripture study and prayers or a fool proof system for getting my kids to practice the piano.  I don't cook dinner every (alright most) nights, we eat too much junk food, watch too much TV and stay up too late.  When they tell me at church that now I should be figuring out a way for my kids to be involved in family history work it about pushes me over the edge because the thought of adding one more thing to the list of things I should be doing is just too much.  So I decided today that I'm coming up with my own list of "shoulds"--Heather, here you go:

1.  I should be kinder to myself as a mother.  I may not be perfect but I try my best.  There is no such thing as "super mom" and the title of "mostly mediocre mom" is nothing to be ashamed of.
2.  I should cut my kids some slack--it's ok if they roll their eyes once in a while or are grumpy about seminary, or forget to take the trash out.
3.  I should tell my kids I love them and show it with how I talk to them.

And most importantly:

4.  I should make sure that I read my scriptures every day and pray because without God's help everything is so much harder and frankly at times impossible.  I can honestly say that without divine guidance I think I would have literally lost my mind this last year.  And to be quite frank, if I'm in tune with what the Lord wants me to do, then I'll be okay.  And my family will okay.  Not perfect--but okay.