The #1 Thing That Will Make You A Better Mother

The #1 Thing That Will Make You a Better Mother

I’m going to share with you the best piece of advice my parents gave me.  Just prior to getting married they told me that to be the best mother, I needed to make a weekly date night with my husband a priority.  Luckily, they had set a great example—from the time I can remember they had Friday date night.  Why is this one piece of advice so important?  Because it clearly defined what the most important relationship in my life would be—the relationship with my husband.

I remember as a mother of three young kids, talking about this idea of a weekly date night with a friend.  She disagreed when I told her that being a wife was my first priority.  “No, I WAS a wife, now I’m a mother” is what she said.  Does that ring a bell with anyone?  

Here’s the thing—at the end of the day, it’s going to be me and Dave against the world.  Our kids will grow up and leave.  (They will grow and up and leave, right??)  They will get married and have families of their own and when our last moves out I don’t want to look at Dave and wonder who he is.  Because I’ve seen when that happens and the results aren’t pretty.

So what does a weekly date night DO exactly? 

1.)  It Gives Us A Break From the Demands of Motherhood.  

It is HARD being a mom!  When they are little it’s physically demanding and as they get older it’s more emotionally demanding.  We need a break.  Preferably with dinner out and not returning until the kids are asleep. (Because let’s face it—bedtime, or the “witching hour” as I like to call it, is the most emotionally draining part of our day.)  

2.) It says to our children “I love you, but I love your Dad more.” 

I want my kids to know that my relationship with their father is the most important thing in our lives.  It makes us united, it makes us stronger and it sets an example for our kids to follow.  Just the other night we took five of the kids to the movies and as we filed into the row Dave went first followed by the kids and then myself.  But I noticed that the kids left a seat open next to Dave—for me.  Because they know how we operate.  In it together.  

3.) It Builds Intimacy.

A weekly date gives Dave and I time to remember why we liked each other in the first place.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the drama and chaos of raising kids that we can forget to connect on an emotional, let alone physical, way.  By setting aside at least one night a week, we guarantee we have time for each other.

Now I know there are skeptics.  I’ve heard it all:  “sitters are too expensive,” “my kids need me”, “they won’t behave if I’m not there,” “there’s not enough time.”  Here’s what I have to say to that:  “Baloney!”  There’s nothing more worth your money than this investment in your marriage.  Go without take out one night or a new outfit.  Trade babysitting with a friend or ask a relative.  I promise you, there’s a way to get a sitter.  You’re right—your kids DO need you—just not every second of every day and if you are telling yourself otherwise you are grossly overestimating your importance.  Or using it as an excuse to NOT spend time with your spouse.  As for your kids’ behavior:  they will probably behave better for a sitter than you.  And if they don’t?  So what?  That’s what you pay the sitter for!  Not enough time?  Then you seriously need to reevaluate your life.  Because there’s nothing more important.

I stand by the caption for this blog post.  The #1 thing you can do to be a better mother is a weekly date night.  I dare you to try it.  Call a sitter, go out to dinner and order a Diet Coke in my honor. You won’t be disappointed.