Walmart Encounter

Anyone who follows me on instagram or FB knows that I can't shut up about Walmart and it's grocery pick up service.  (Seriously, if you have not used this, do it now!  It is glorious!)  Walmart has redeemed itself because I have not been quiet about the fact that prior to this it's my least favorite place to shop--the aisles are always crowded, it's like a 5 mile hike between the milk and shampoo and sometimes the clientele there is...unique.

Which brings me to my strangest and most hilarious Walmart story.

Several years ago I had ordered a large amount of fried chicken for a cub scout event (because we all know how much I dislike cooking.  And cooking for large groups of people?  The worst!)  My plan was to pick the chicken up right before the event and so I loaded all the kids in the car and headed out to the dreaded big box store.  Now, I was in a hurry and keep in mind that I was clearly in the "Walmart is the devil" camp so my goal was one thing:  get in, get the chicken, get out.  I left the kids in the car, zoomed over to the chicken counter, got the goods and hopped in line.  And as anyone who has shopped at Walmart at dinner time knows, the lines are ENORMOUS!  So...I may have been slightly impatient...

Here is where it gets good.  In front of me in line was a family with two full grocery carts- and I don't know how to describe this family except to say that the story I made up for them in my head involved them living in the mountains for long stretches of time and then when supplies got low they headed down to Walmart to stock up.  They were a little grimy, loud and looked like they hadn't ever been to a dentist. But they were very nice.  And friendly.  The friendly part is important...

So here I am, checking my watch and trying to be more patient while the people behind me started to grumble.  Right then the patriarch of the mountain family looks at me and asks, "You got somewhere to be?"

Me:  "Oh, it's ok.  I have a dinner to get to but I''ll make it."

Man (leaning in two inches from my face):  "Just so you know, you can't have any of what's in my cart."

(At this point I look over at their carts--and I am not making this up--they were FILLED with electric blankets. Like the kind that look like wool blankets but with a plug?)

Me:  "No worries--but it looks like you have a lot of blankets there, that's for sure."

Man:  "You wanna know what we are gonna do with 'em?"

Me:  "Okay...?"

Man:  "We're gonna take 'em home, nail them to our floor and have a heated floor!!"  (I promise, I am not making that up!  That was honest to goodness what he said!  But wait, it gets even better.")

Me:  "Wow--well, uh, good luck with that."

At this point I realize this guy is totally staring at me which has started to make me slightly uncomfortable and then he points right at my chest and asks:

"ARE THEY REAL?"

"Excuse me??" (I'm thinking surely, surely he is not asking about my...breasts?? Because that's right where he is pointing.)

"YOUR'E TEETH!  ARE YOUR TEETH ALL YOURS?"

And THAT, is one reason I dislike shopping at Walmart.  Except their grocery pickup.  That thing is da bomb.