3 Surprising Parenting Lessons I've Learned

I like to think that I have become more flexible in the last few years.  Not in the yoga twisting gymnastics contorting way--in fact I'm pretty sure the opposite is true in that sense--but in my views on how to be a "successful" parent.  As I've been pondering this windy road of child rearing recently I've come up with 3 (Surprising) Parenting Lessons I've Learned:

1.  What Works With One Child Does Not Always Work With Another

This is one of parenting's greatest ironies.  With other areas of life, the more you practice something over and over (music, sports, writing, etc) the easier it is to replicate the results.  But because God wants to keep you guessing (and learning) he throws you a curve ball.  Your first child might soak up your wisdom like an obedient sponge but wait until you get the strong willed child that throws the sponge in your face.  It took me a while but I learned that sometimes you have to hide the sponge.  Or have someone else deliver it.

2. Comparing Will Make You Crazy

How often do you think that so and so's child is perfect and you wonder what you are doing wrong?  Well cut it out because here's the truth--your friend's child has their own "stuff" just like yours does.  It may be better hidden, or more private but I guarantee you, everyone has struggles.  Maybe it's anxiety or depression or an overwhelming need to please.  Maybe it's talking back or less than stellar grades or self esteem struggles.  Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.  Because that's life.  EVERYONE struggles!  The sooner you can worry about your little corner of the world and not your neighbor's, the less crazy you will be.


3.  Success Cannot Be Dependent On the Outcome

This was the most surprising to me and something, that if I'm being honest, I still struggle with.  I think we often mistakenly believe that if our children make choices that we don't like or approve of that we did something "wrong."  Dave repeatedly reminds me that we cannot judge our success as a parent on the choices our kids make. (And believe me, this is much easier said than done!)  Our job is to teach them well and trust in the process.  Sometimes we mess up and that's what apologies (and the atonement) are for.  Just because our children might not do exactly what we want them to, does not mean that we did a bad job of raising them.  Our job is to give them the tools they need to survive and thrive in this world and then sit back and be patient if they ignore those tools for the time being.  Who knows, they might actually be inventing a new and improved tool--but making you crazy in the meantime.

Parenting truly is a journey.  I wish earlier on I had let go of what I thought it was "supposed" to look like and instead embraced this often crazy road of raising children.  I've learned that the more I can trust in the process the more joy that comes from seeing my children growing and stretching and becoming the amazing individuals they are.  Now if I could just chill out, that would be a whole lot easier...