Fear, Stress and Worry, Oh My!

Anxiety, fear, depression.  Is it just me or are we hearing these terms a whole lot more, recently?  The subject is a fascinating one to me--why is it that these ailments seem more prevalent?  Why do more of my family and friends seem afflicted with them?  And why, does it seem that they are creeping into my own life?

If you would have asked me five years ago if anxiety or fear were a normal part of my everyday life, I would have laughed--unless you count a fear of running out of Oreos. That's no laughing matter.  By and large, I have always been a "glass is half full" kind of gal.  An optimist at my core.  Yet, things have shifted in the last little while, and I've grown weary of it.

Somewhere along the line I have let worry worm it's way into my brain.  As I've thought about it I have realized that it has to do with control, or the lack thereof.  For a very long time as a mom of young kids, things were by and large in my control.  Sure it was tiring, and draining and there were tantrums and dirty diapers and all that jazz.  I've said it before--those things made sense to me.  With a little mom magic I could adjust the course of a tantrum, teach them to tie their shoes or ride a bike and tuck them in at the end of the day all safe and sound.  However as my children have grown, more and more is out of control and I am recognizing that this is where the fear and anxiety starts to form.

Recognizing where it comes from is one thing, but letting it go, is an entirely different story!  Not only that but I have been finding that these worries can paralyze me into doing nothing, because I'm not exactly sure where I should be heading.

And then today--an epiphany.

It came in the form of a quote by David A. Bednar:

“I invite you to embrace what the Lord has blessed you with and to act in faith. Do not take counsel from your fears."

I realized that I have been "taking counsel from my fears."  What if I just...stopped that?  What if I started trusting by acting?  What if instead of questioning the ideas that pop into my head, I just...went with them?  Realistically speaking, I can't think of any decision I have made that has turned out to be disastrous.  (Except that time I decided to give myself highlights.  I'm not making THAT mistake again...)  Did some of my decisions not work out?  Sure.  But nothing bad came out of them--at worst they were simply ineffective.  (I'm thinking of practically every allowance system we've had here.)  Frankly, my track record is not half bad.  Certainly there are more successes than failures.

It's the adversary that weasels his way into our psyche to make us think we are doing it wrong.  Doubts, fears, stress and anxiety don't come from God.  They don't.  And if I believe that God loves me and has His hand in my life, then I can let this stress go.  I can.

Will it be easy?  Probably not.  Usually when we stretch and grow, it isn't a piece of cake.  But it IS doable.  So I'm doing it.  I'm tired of the doubt and the fear and the worry.  I'm letting it go!  Who wants to join me?

Raising Teenagers: "Sit Down You're Rocking The Boat"

I've been thinking about parenting a lot lately.  And by "a lot" I mean like 99% of the time.  The other 1% is filled with Seinfeld quotes and the soundtrack to Guys and Dolls.  ("Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat."  I think that song might be a sub conscious statement on my parenting strategy!)  What is it about having teenagers that makes you question everything you do/think/say?  Oh, that's right--they are mini adults.  With opinions.  Opinions that don't always match your own.  They don't want to sit down--in fact, often they most definitely want to rock the boat.

We have terrific kids, however I think that I was misguided in how this parenting thing would play out.  For some naive reason I thought this would go a lot like their early years: You do what mom tells you, how she tells you and we are all happy.  The boat stays nice and steady.  Some days I miss the simpler times:

"Hold my hand when you cross the street."

"Eat your vegetables and you get dessert".

"Don't rub butter on your brother or you're in time out."

See?  Simple.

I'm starting to figure something out though.  Sometimes my way, isn't always the best way.  As parents we sometimes forget to take into account that part of the growing up process for our kids is actually to rock the boat.  This process means making more choices and often more mistakes.  It means trying new things and letting go of old interests.  And yes, sometimes it means questioning me, as their parent.

It's a leap of faith for me as a mother, this idea of letting go.  Sometimes it's positively maddening but it can also be so rewarding.  I mean, it'll make you crazy during the process when you can't figure out what in the heck they are thinking, but that's exactly what this growing up thing is:  a process.  Our kids need to do it their way--not our way.

So I'm working on trusting that process.  Sometimes I forget to give my kids the credit they deserve and I'm working on that.  I don't want cookie cutter kids.  I want kids who think for themselves, do things for the right reasons (not just because it is "expected' of them) and who can learn from their failures and emerge resilient.  We teach them them what a boat is, where the destination is and then we need to let them figure out how to row there.  Often that's with a whole lot of rocking.  Scary?  Yes.  Necessary?  Definitely.

But every once in a while I miss those brother butter smearing days...