If you would have asked me five years ago if anxiety or fear were a normal part of my everyday life, I would have laughed--unless you count a fear of running out of Oreos. That's no laughing matter. By and large, I have always been a "glass is half full" kind of gal. An optimist at my core. Yet, things have shifted in the last little while, and I've grown weary of it.
Somewhere along the line I have let worry worm it's way into my brain. As I've thought about it I have realized that it has to do with control, or the lack thereof. For a very long time as a mom of young kids, things were by and large in my control. Sure it was tiring, and draining and there were tantrums and dirty diapers and all that jazz. I've said it before--those things made sense to me. With a little mom magic I could adjust the course of a tantrum, teach them to tie their shoes or ride a bike and tuck them in at the end of the day all safe and sound. However as my children have grown, more and more is out of control and I am recognizing that this is where the fear and anxiety starts to form.
Recognizing where it comes from is one thing, but letting it go, is an entirely different story! Not only that but I have been finding that these worries can paralyze me into doing nothing, because I'm not exactly sure where I should be heading.
And then today--an epiphany.
It came in the form of a quote by David A. Bednar:
“I invite you to embrace what the Lord has blessed you with and to act in faith. Do not take counsel from your fears."
I realized that I have been "taking counsel from my fears." What if I just...stopped that? What if I started trusting by acting? What if instead of questioning the ideas that pop into my head, I just...went with them? Realistically speaking, I can't think of any decision I have made that has turned out to be disastrous. (Except that time I decided to give myself highlights. I'm not making THAT mistake again...) Did some of my decisions not work out? Sure. But nothing bad came out of them--at worst they were simply ineffective. (I'm thinking of practically every allowance system we've had here.) Frankly, my track record is not half bad. Certainly there are more successes than failures.
It's the adversary that weasels his way into our psyche to make us think we are doing it wrong. Doubts, fears, stress and anxiety don't come from God. They don't. And if I believe that God loves me and has His hand in my life, then I can let this stress go. I can.
Will it be easy? Probably not. Usually when we stretch and grow, it isn't a piece of cake. But it IS doable. So I'm doing it. I'm tired of the doubt and the fear and the worry. I'm letting it go! Who wants to join me?
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