Raising Teenagers: "Sit Down You're Rocking The Boat"

I've been thinking about parenting a lot lately.  And by "a lot" I mean like 99% of the time.  The other 1% is filled with Seinfeld quotes and the soundtrack to Guys and Dolls.  ("Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat."  I think that song might be a sub conscious statement on my parenting strategy!)  What is it about having teenagers that makes you question everything you do/think/say?  Oh, that's right--they are mini adults.  With opinions.  Opinions that don't always match your own.  They don't want to sit down--in fact, often they most definitely want to rock the boat.

We have terrific kids, however I think that I was misguided in how this parenting thing would play out.  For some naive reason I thought this would go a lot like their early years: You do what mom tells you, how she tells you and we are all happy.  The boat stays nice and steady.  Some days I miss the simpler times:

"Hold my hand when you cross the street."

"Eat your vegetables and you get dessert".

"Don't rub butter on your brother or you're in time out."

See?  Simple.

I'm starting to figure something out though.  Sometimes my way, isn't always the best way.  As parents we sometimes forget to take into account that part of the growing up process for our kids is actually to rock the boat.  This process means making more choices and often more mistakes.  It means trying new things and letting go of old interests.  And yes, sometimes it means questioning me, as their parent.

It's a leap of faith for me as a mother, this idea of letting go.  Sometimes it's positively maddening but it can also be so rewarding.  I mean, it'll make you crazy during the process when you can't figure out what in the heck they are thinking, but that's exactly what this growing up thing is:  a process.  Our kids need to do it their way--not our way.

So I'm working on trusting that process.  Sometimes I forget to give my kids the credit they deserve and I'm working on that.  I don't want cookie cutter kids.  I want kids who think for themselves, do things for the right reasons (not just because it is "expected' of them) and who can learn from their failures and emerge resilient.  We teach them them what a boat is, where the destination is and then we need to let them figure out how to row there.  Often that's with a whole lot of rocking.  Scary?  Yes.  Necessary?  Definitely.

But every once in a while I miss those brother butter smearing days...