I have been at this mothering business for 24 years now and while I am in no way an expert, I have come to realize a few things. If I could go back to when I was first starting on this parenting journey, here is what I would tell 20 year old me:
Chill out.
Profound, I know, but I'm being honest. As I reflect on this last quarter century I have come to realize that about 80% of what I spent time agonizing over, was in fact, not that important. Oh sure, at the time all that stuff like messy bedrooms, giant sock piles, eye rolling and teenage moodiness seemed pretty serious, but I could have saved myself a whole lot of grief if I could have concentrated on a few simple truths and pushed the other ones aside. Hindsight is 20/20, but now as I'm preparing to be a grandma--it's happening people!!-- I would offer these nuggets of advice:
Establish a good relationship with each child.
My wise sister in law shared this quote with me: "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." I am the champion at fixating on the problem. (Seriously--I will read mountains of books, scour the internet, poll friends and family and generally make myself nutty trying to figure the dang kid out!) However, over the last several years I've realized that if I can concentrate FIRST on loving the child, a solution will come much more readily--and with a lot less hair pulling. Love first, fix later.
Children don't (and shouldn't) fit a mold.
Again, I was under a misguided notion that if I could just figure out the first kid, the next five would be easier. Ummmm... That theory works if they are all clones, but since the good Lord saw fit to send me 6 unique individuals with various likes, dislikes, quirks, challenges, attitudes and food preferences, I had to throw this idea out the window. You think you know how to handle one situation? Just wait, the next kid will turn your parenting abilities upside down. Sure, you do gain some knowledge as you go but I wish I would have figured out sooner that I need to give each child the chance to spread their wings, be different and follow their own path. (Besides which the idea of 6 Morgan robot children seems a tad bit frightening...so.many.Simpsons.quotes.)
Trust your instincts
I discussed this in my last post and I stand by it. I tend to overthink things. A lot. I second guess, tweak, backtrack, worry, and stress. And then I start the process all over until I am the queen of Crazy Town. In the last few months I have worked on taking a deep breath, quieting my mind and just...listening. No more second guessing, no more doubting. Because the Lord gave me these kids for a reason. He knows I can handle it, even when it seems like I can't.
As a mother you will make mistakes. You will feel like you are losing your mind somedays. You will feel overwhelmed, over burdened and over worked and entirely out of your element. But you will also find great personal growth, laughter, and sweet, sweet moments of pure joy.
In the meantime, chill out.
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