Back to School Musings

My Facebook feed (like everyone else's) was filled this past week with those "First Day of School" pictures.  They look pretty similar to this one of my two youngest:

Parker (8th Grade) and Kennedy (6th Grade)

I would have taken one of my other two except I totally forgot--poor middle children. (Which I guess is better than the poor 6th child--we actually taped over her birth with an episode of YuGiOh...)  But I digress...

 All of these back to school posts caused me to reflect on how things have changed over the years for my family.  I remember that I could not wait for my oldest to go to school.  Oh sure I cried a little on his first day (just like I did for all of the other's first days) but I would be lying if I said that I wasn't ready to have a bit of a break.  I used to actually get mad when it was a school holiday--"inservice AGAIN????"  Because that meant I had all 6 of the munchkins home at one time and I don't know if you are aware or not, but six kids is a lot of kids.  I had #5 during the summer and let me tell you, we didn't plan that well because all of them were home for two months while I attempted to adjust to another newborn and my crazy hormone levels while refereeing pokemon card battles and video game turns.  After a disastrous trip to Wal-Mart where I attempted to take an 8,6,4, and 2 year old plus a newborn (clearly I wasn't thinking straight) shopping, I swore to NEVER give birth in the summer again. (True to my word, Kennedy was born in April right after spring break.  I'm a quick learner...)

It's not that I didn't love my kids, because I did.  I just loved the idea of them being at school more.  I used to PRAY for all day kindergarten because who are we kidding-- half day Kindergarten should really be referred to as "Kindergarten Hell."  It's not long enough to actually get anything done--particularly after you've loaded up a van full of kids to pick up or drop off your 5 year old--but you still have to go through the gigantic hassle of getting the kid up and ready for school.  It's a total tease.  My prayers in this department were eventually answered-the year after my last child went to kindergarten.  That figures.  (The same thing is bound to happen the day after son #5 earns his Eagle Scout...)

So, I had a lot of years where I pretty much did a happy dance the day school started back up in the fall, but this year was a little different.  I was just a tad melancholy as the summer wound down because these kids of mine are growing up.  McKay is a senior and so this is a year of a lot of "lasts" for him.  It seems like yesterday that Davis was wearing yellow rubber boots with every outfit and this year we had to special order his Nikes so they were "just right."  Parker is in his final year of middle school and with Kennedy in 6th grade for the first time in 15 years we don't have anyone in elementary school.  And yet, even though all this change is a little sad it's also sort of great.  

We've seen a lot of growth in our kids over the last year and a half and I've grown as their mother.  I realized this week that even though there are growing pains and times that I want to pull my hair out, I'm learning to be more patient, I'm letting them find their own way a little more and they are coming out better for it.  I love that they all get themselves up and ready for school without any nagging on my part.  I love that the kid that a year ago used to grunt at me when I told him goodbye now makes a point of being in a good mood in the mornings.  I love watching a brother and sister walk out the door together deep in conversation.  It makes all of those difficult times worth it.  

Even Kindergarten Hell. 

"What They Don't Tell You When You Decide To Be A Mom"

It is a testament to my nutso life that it's been over a month since I've written a post.  (I know,  I know, you've been waiting with baited breath for my wise words...)  Life has been busy at the Morgan house with school getting out, vacations, camps, new callings, work and life in general.  But really, the reason is because my creative juices don't seem to be flowing quite as freely.  I'm wondering if maybe it's because the blog served it's purpose when I was going through our crazy, angst filled year and a half.  Like literally I think this was my therapy.  (I mean I'm married to a dang good psychologist but Dave can only do so much you know??)  But then again there is still angst to be had over here.  I don't know if you are aware of this or not but some days being a mom is HARD!

I look at new moms with their sweet little snugly babies and think, "Just you wait."  Because those babies grow up.  And they get opinions.  Which are not your own.  Nobody told me that!  And so in that spirit here's a few more things they don't tell you about being a mom:

1.  There is no handbook.  Oh sure, there's a mountain of parenting and discipline books with nebulous titles like "How To Empower Your Strong Willed Child", or "Say Goodbye to Your Picky Eater", but who are we kidding?  What I need is a manual for my specific children--actually I need a manual for each one of them and guess what?  It doesn't exist.  I actually asked my doctor for one when Kennedy emerged from the birth canal because let's face it--after 5 boys I was clueless when it came to girls.  That dumb doctor didn't have one.

2.  Once you figure out how to parent the first one there is no guarantee the same strategies will work on the 2nd, or 3rd.  It's like the universe is mocking you--"OK, we see you can navigate eye rolling with your firstborn, let's see how you handle it when we throw in door slamming and incoherent mumbling."

3.  And in an even crueler twist of fate, everyone else will think they know how to parent your child better than you.  Oh sure, they won't necessarily say it to you directly (unless you're on the phone with the principal again) but you know they're thinking it.  Because let's be real, you're thinking the same thing about your cousin's kid.

4.  At some point your children will be larger than you which means that strong arming them into matching shirts for family pictures is pretty much out of the question.  In fact, family pictures in general are pretty much out of the question by the time they are all teenagers because you are NEVER going to find a time when they are A) In the same place at the same time and B) Agreeable to the idea of a family picture.

And finally:

5.  Even with all of the above, it's still the most awesome job in the world.  Oh sure, it's also the most hair pulling, mind numbing, frustrating, scary, feels impossible thing you will experience.  (Case in point; just today I locked myself in my bathroom with Candy Crush and my tears. ) But it's balanced by lots of laughter, and pride and happiness and love.

You see, I think it takes all of those hard times to make us appreciate the good ones so much more.  Cliche I know, but it's true.  Being a mom is the worst--but it's the best.

Mediocrity--let's celebrate!

I was talking with a friend the other night and we were lamenting all of the pressure that comes from those FB posts celebrating achievements.  We all do it right?  "Hey look at me, I'm on a cruise!"  "My kid is awesome--he's a 4.0 student!"  It's like those dang Christmas letters--but we get them EVERY DAY!  Now, I'm not saying those things are always bad to announce.  I mean, they are certainly better than the "woe is me" FB posts.  You know what I'm talking about right?  Those cryptic, something is wrong, I need attention but I'm not really gonna say what's happening so you are forced to ask me/feel sorry for me status updates.  Those make me crazy.

Anyway....my friend and I were discussing how sometimes all those celebratory posts make us feel like we don't measure up which lead me to wonder how many of us are feeling the same way?  And wouldn't it be refreshing if we shared what life is really like?  (Not woe is me, just real life).  So in that spirit I'm sharing some of the facebook status updates I should have posted over the years:

Update:

"I received this call from so and so's kindergarten teacher today:  "Hi, Mrs. Morgan.  We caught your son with his pants down peeing behind the tree at recess.  Could you talk to him and explain that is unacceptable?  Oh, and he shouldn't be inviting his friends over to join him."

Update:

"I can tell it's going to be one of those days.  The dishes are piled in the sink, my laundry is out of control and the principal just called to tell me that Carter has assembled the 5th grade boys together to protest the unfair treatment of the male gender at recess.  Maybe he'll be a politician???"

Update:

"So today has had it's good points and it's not so good points.  Dear son is crossing over into scouting today which is great.  But the same son also got suspended from 5th grade for the day for getting in a fight.  With a girl.  The girl won."

Update:

"Another call today--this time from the Vice Principal of the high school.  'Hey Mrs. Morgan?  Just thought I'd call and tell you that your son was given in school suspension for hoarding ketchup packets from his school lunch in his locker.  I'm not exactly sure what his plan for them was but we are concerned..."

And one of my favorite all time examples of the Morgan's mediocrity:

Update:

"We received this comment on so and so's report card today:  "Hopefully the summer will cure you of your laziness."

So there it is.  Oh us Morgan's have great things too--graduations and missions and awards and vacations just like everyone else.  But most of the time it's just a whole lot of normal, mediocre, less than amazing living.  And you know what?  It's pretty great.

Happiness--it's a state of mind

I have been thinking a lot about happiness lately.  What makes us happy and how do we define happiness?  (I'm thinking real happiness not Baja Fresh induced coma happiness.)  In reflecting on this I've realized that in the last year or so I think I've misunderstood what happiness is.  As moms a lot of our happiness revolves around our children and their state of minds.  One mom said someone told her "you're only as happy as your saddest child."  Yikes.  I heard that and thought I'm not sure I'll ever be happy then.  Unless we are at Disneyland.  (It is literally "The Happiest Place on Earth."  Unless you've been dealing with a toddler in a stroller in the burning up heat for the last 10 hours while "It's a Small World" is blaring at you.  Not so happy then...)

Anyway, I've been thinking how easy it is to let our children's moods dictate how happy we are.  I know I've been really guilty of this but lately I've realized that it's counter productive.  If I have a kid who is moody, me being moody isn't going to help the situation.  If I have a child who is tired and upset, me being upset with them isn't making things better.  It goes back to that idea of being a constant in their lives.  I believe firmly that growing up is hard enough to do without us as parents heaping a whole lot more guilt on them.  And yet that doesn't keep me from laying awake at night worrying about all the things I don't do "right."  So in that spirit I thought I'd just put it out there--so here it is, my list of things I don't do:

1.  Cook.  Most nights.  There is a just a whole list of complicated reasons why this doesn't get done and I've gone back and forth on beating myself up over them.  But honestly, they all manage to get fed--even if it's a smoothie and sandwich.  Or a stack of Oreos.  Whatever.

2.  Have "perfect" family home evenings.  We have no cute chart, no singing, and we do it on Sunday night because Monday's just don't work for us.  But..we do get together, discuss a gospel principle, read the scriptures and eat a pan of brownies--the same treat we have every FHE.  (Refer to #1 above.)

3.  Camp as a family.  I don't know why but this one sort of haunts me sometimes.  We have all these boys and yet we have only camped a few times.  This is because I sort of hate it.  It's so much work!  And I'm extremely picky about the bathroom situation.  But I hear these stories of our friends that have these great camping adventures and I feel guilty.  Then I realize we just do things differently--we love Disney and we have been fortunate to be able to make numerous trips there.  For our kids it's like returning to the cabin by the lake--it's familiar and there are so many great memories we have made there.  Also, all the toilets there flush.

4.  Have perfect children.  Our kids do not get perfect grades, play an instrument perfectly, or act perfect.  But they are perfect for us.  They are great children who have their own unique talents and personalities and they help us grow as parents.

I will mess up as a parent--we all will.  Being a mom (or Dad) is HARD.  And if we sit around waiting for all of our ducks to line up in a row to be happy we will never be happy.  That's no way to live our lives and so I am working on finding joy in most of the moments of my life. (I say "most" because those of you with teenagers know that there are just some unhappy moments. Usually followed by a hike in car insurance.)  I'm learning to see our challenges as ways to be better and have my children grow.  I'm looking at difficulties as ways to become more like God--because for heaven's sake look at all his kids!  Some of them are "challenging."   I'm learning to appreciate all the blessings we have been given--particularly our amazing, imperfect kids.

PS--I LOVE this talk--"Grateful in Any Circumstance."  And we love Pres. Uchtdorf.  Take a few minutes to read or watch it.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng

Dare I say this just might be working?

When you last saw me I was whining (like usual) about my inability to stay on track and get things accomplished.  After all, this is one of the main reasons I started blogging almost a year (a year!) ago.  And then a small miracle occurred this week.  You see most days I feel like one of those hamsters on those wheels that's running and running and never gets anywhere. (At least I assume that's what hamsters do--due to my no pet policy and fear of rodents I'm not entirely sure).  I mean I joke about reading people.com and playing Candy Crush (which by the way if anyone has any genius solutions to get me off of level 169 I am ALL EARS because THIS LEVEL STINKS) and checking Facebook but the honest truth is that most days I rarely just sit around being idle.  It's just that I would feel like I was going and going and yet I  would get to the end of each day wondering what I actually did.

Then came the (smallish) miracle.  Most of you know that I work for Weight Watchers.  It's a great, perfect little part time job and I love the members that I work with.  Overall it's extremely rewarding to be pretty intimately involved with helping people get healthy and achieve their goals.  Anyway, each month we work on a new habit and this month that habit happened to be "take 5 minutes every day to replay your day."  At the same time I stumbled upon this little gem on pinterest:

http://justagirlandherblog.com/how-i-organized-my-whole-life/

For whatever reason this little sheet and those 5 minutes has solved a big part of my problem.  Every night while in bed I pull out my planning sheet from the day and cross off what got done/bought/etc and transfer what I didn't have time for to the next day.  Then I plan out my next day.  Yeah--I know what a lot of you are thinking:  duh.  We know that.  Yeah--I knew that too but for whatever reason all the other things I tried (notes on my iphone, to-do lists, planners, etc) just didn't cut it.  Maybe it's those hypnotic circles at the top of the page but for whatever reason THIS is working!  And that 5 minutes is saving me so much stress and feelings of frustration.

I've learned a couple of things:  First, most days I was trying to cram way too much into my day.  No wonder I was feeling like I needed three more hours every day--I actually did.  Secondly, I'm finding that when I actually schedule the important stuff first like exercise and pinterest (just checking to see if you were paying attention) then I feel much more accomplished every day.

Like I said, a small miracle:-)

Monday Morning

It is a beautiful Monday morning and I have a list a mile long of things to do.  Monday is supposed to be my "day where I accomplish everything" but it rarely works out that way.  Because I get so distracted!  Jeesh!  I have laundry to fold, my room to clean, WW work to do, emails to return and about 10 other things that need to be done.  But I also have a really good book I'm reading, a 1/2 done pinterest project, seeds I want to plant, etc etc.

I'm trying to embrace the fact that I don't get that much done.  It's just that I keep thinking I should be able to get more done.  (Dang it, now I'm back to those shoulds…)  Are there people out there that accomplish their entire "to do" list every day?  Like at the end of the day do they get to put check marks next to all the different items and experience that sense of accomplishment?  I don't even make the lists any more.  If I REALLY need to remember something I write it on my hand and then I give it about a 75% chance that I'm going to get that done.

I'm torn between the idea of embracing my scatter brain personality and wanting to change it.  On one hand, there's the voice of my spin instructor Aras who tells us at the end of every session that if we don't like what we see "CHANGE IT!"  (Side note, Aras refers to his "partner" as his "housewife"?  Am I the only one that has never heard of this in regards to a same sex partner???)

What was I talking about?  Right--my inability to stay on track… So there's a part of me that continues to think I should get my act together.  But then there is the part of me that really wants to go upstairs and snuggle under my comforter and read the rest of "Midnight in Austenland."  It's maddening!

There's gotta be a way to figure this out.  I mean it can't be rocket science right?  Maybe if I spend some time on pinterest I'll find the answer...

Digging in the Dark and Other Adventures

First of all, thank you to everyone who took the time to read my last blog post.  It's interesting because that post was viewed 3 times as much as any other one I've done and it was viewed in countries like China and Australia and the UK!  So hopefully it helped someone out.  I know it definitely helped me--it's as if once I got that out I had this burden off my shoulders and now I have all this energy to do all sorts of projects around the house.  Lately I've been like the energizer bunny.

First I decided to tackle that giant hill of sawdust and the big empty spot where the tree in the front yard once stood.  Did I mention we cut it down?  Yep--no more leaves for the neighbors to complain about.  However, I decided to go all renegade and planted a square foot garden in the front yard!  Hee, hee--I wonder what they think of that?  A friend mentioned that I should check out the book "Square Foot Gardening."  It looks like this:

I'm super jazzed about this idea--so jazzed that I made my two flower beds MYSELF!  Yep, that's right!  It went swimmingly but when it came time to mix the secret soil together I started right before dusk which explains why Parker, Kennedy and I were mixing and hauling dirt in the front yard at dark with our main illumination being the headlights of the car.  It seriously looked like we were burying dead bodies.  We are kind of ghetto over here.  We especially looked ghetto with head lamps strapped to our foreheads...

(The neighbor actually came out to see if everything was alright)

Also, I've been painting furniture like crazy!  With this awesome invention that I'm sure most of you know about but I just discovered--Chalk Paint!  It's AMAZING!  If I was one of those super cool crafty bloggers I would insert pictures here of my projects along with step by step instructions.  But I'm not.  So just look up homemade chalk paint recipe on pinterest and be prepared to be amazed.  I was sold at the first sentence that said I didn't need to prime or sand and it's done from start to finish in a day.  (Well it CAN be done in a day if you aren't distracted by things like Candy Crush and Facebook and Survivor.)

So that brings me to my next plan that I need everyone's help with.  When I started this blog part of the reason I did it is to help me be accountable for making some changes in my life and I think more or less that has worked.  I have DEFINITELY rethought how I parent and we made some great changes--and also came to the conclusion in the end that the majority of the time when I trust my instincts I do ok.  What HAS fallen a little by the wayside is my good eating and working out habits--which is ironic given that I work for Weight Watchers I know.  But like I teach in my classes, none of us are perfect and while I do ok at managing my weight (thanks in large part that to keep my job I have to maintain my goal weight) I could improve how I eat and the exercise I get.  Oh--and I'm supposedly running a 1/2 marathon this weekend.  Which I have not trained for.  Yikes.  Actually that's not true.  I decided on Tuesday I better see if it was even possible for me to run farther than 6 miles.  It's possible.  It just aint pretty as is witnessed by the Burgerville guy who kindly offered me some water when I ran into his store at mile 7 looking like a crazed, dehydrated woman who had never run that far before.  Oh wait...

Anyway--so as soon as I get over this stomach virus I have I'm making plans to get myself in order.  I figure that the last year was so tied up in my kids that I can afford a little "me" time.  That doesn't involve so much Baja Fresh.  Curse that delicious Baja Fresh...