Apologies and Perspective--Disney Style

I’ve been thinking about perspective and how, as a parent, that changes over the years. What in the moment can feel like disaster, can in the end turn out to be great. To illustrate the point I thought I would share one of the Morgan Family’s legendary stories. And because we are Morgans the story involves…wait for it…Disneyland.

Since Jordan was a baby we have made the annual trek to the Happiest Place On Earth. (It was a whole lot less expensive back in the day). As the family grew so did our costs, but we felt it worthwhile so every summer we’d pack matching t-shirts, a gallon of sunscreen and enough fruit snacks to stock a daycare for a year and off we would go. Now, I’m not going to lie and tell you that taking six kids to Disneyland is a picnic.  Because it’s not. But, since we went annually the kids were generally pretty easy, and we often got stopped and complimented on how well behaved they were. 

Until the infamous “Blue Ribbon Bakery Incident”.

Now, to get the full sense of the situation a little background information is necessary. First of all, we were on day 3 of Disney, it was August and about 90 degrees. Second, Kennedy was an infant cutting her first tooth and I had become the human pacifier—in 90 degree heat. Finally, it was way past lunch time and we had 5 starving kids and a super needy infant. To satisfy everyone’s meal preferences we had to divide and conquer.  Dave headed down Main Street to buy corn dogs for half the kids while I got everyone situated at a table inside the Blue Ribbon Bakery. The bakery is divided into two shops that are connected—one side is the actual bakery while the other holds an ice cream parlor. Dave’s brother was with us at the time and decided he wanted ice cream so he got in that line, which was in clear view of the table the five kids were seated at. Meanwhile, I took the baby and went around the corner to get in line at the bakery. 

The lines were long…

As I’m finally getting my order I hear a huge commotion from the other room and I am mortified to realize that it sounds exactly like 5 Morgan kids in various states of distress. I grab my food and the baby and practically run to the adjoining ice cream shop where I see…three Morgan boys crying and two Morgan boys in a knock down drag out fight IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAKERY!!!  Luckily, about this time, Dave comes in brandishing corn dogs and between the two of us we get the two boys apart, dry the tears of the other three boys (it’s amazing what a corn dog and soda will do) and of course, I’m back to being the human pacifier. (It should be noted that Uncle Mike was STILL in line watching this whole fiasco go down and when asked why he didn’t break up the fight he said—and I quote—“I didn’t want to lose my place in line.")

That night after we returned to the hotel and discussed the Morgan Family Debacle, we gathered some paper and had the boys attempt to atone for their deeds. And thus the famous apology note was penned:

Dear Blue Ribbon Bakery,

I’m sorry I got in a fight in the middle of your bakery.  Can you ever forgive me?

Sincerely,

Jordan Morgan

Needless to say, this “adventure” has become a part of our family folklore and it made me think today about perspective. You see, when I was in the middle of this situation I was embarrassed, angry, and disappointed. I mean, an hour before we were just stopped by a random stranger to say how impressed she was at our well behaved children, and now we were the subject of sideways looks and eye rolls. But now, we LOVE that story!  Every time we return to Disneyland and stroll past the bakery for the first time, we say, “Remember when…?”  And then we all have a good laugh. (I actually never mailed that letter—I thought it was just too priceless.)

I think a lot of life’s trials are like that.  When we are in the middle of them we are embarrassed or disappointed, or angry.  But as we work through them and time marches on, our perspective changes and we can look back and appreciate the lessons we learned.  As for us, we learned that 3 days at Disney in August with a nursing baby might be too much...

(Here they are--matching shirts and all.  Sadly, Kennedy was where she was for 90% of the trip--attached to me...)

Four Things I Learned While Having The Flu

So much for the Morgan's Wolverine genes.  The flu has struck.  Aches, pains, lack of appetite, stuffiness, inability to sleep and the hacking cough have arrived in full force.  At first, when Parker came down with it we went for containment.

We were unsuccessful.

And so as I sit here in my pajamas that I've worn for the last four days straight I thought I would share with you what I've learned so far about the flu.  Here you go:

1.  There is such a thing as too much Candy Crush

Who knew?  I am at the point now where I get physically nauseous when the Candy Crush screen comes up.  And yet I still play--because it's the only game I have on my phone and it takes all the energy I have to curse those chocolate bombs.

2.  The cough that comes with the flu is the equivalent of an extreme weight lifting session--every 20 minutes.

I am not joking!  I feel like I have bench pressed 150 pounds for twenty minutes straight.  (Note:  150 pounds would be A LOT for me).  I didn't even know I had muscles where I am currently sore.  This is most definitely not fair as the only calories I am burning is from playing Candy Crush...

3.  The Jimmy Legs...

Did you know that you can get "Restless Leg Syndrome"  (aka:  "The Jimmy Legs," as defined by Kramer) from taking certain cold medicines?  I testify that you, indeed, can.  The first night I thought I was going crazy when I would just settle in to sleep after taking my Advil PM and then have this over powering urge to get up and walk which would last for hours!  I thought that in my flu induced mental state I was imagining this but according to "the internet" this is a real thing.  At least I know I'm not going crazy...yet.  Also, no more Advil PM for me, dang it.

4.  I Have The Best Friends/Family

Alright, I already knew that, but I tend to take them for granted.  Lots of people have texted/called/dropped off Oreos and it does make me feel loved, and missed.  And also a little guilty because I could be a better friend...Maybe that's why I'm sick--to learn a lesson or two.

I have high hopes that we are on the downward side of this wretched flu sickness.  I sure hope so because between the Jimmy Legs and Candy Crush I may just lose it..

A New Year, A New Me?

I've always loved the concept of a new year and a new start.  It's cliche, I know, to set a bunch of new year's resolutions but I don't care--I love it!  As some of you know, I've been wrestling with some of the changes in my life and what direction I want/should head and frankly, I'm a bit flummoxed.  My whole adult life has been spent caring for a house full of kids and those kids are flying the coop at lightning speed.

The bottom line is this:  I don't know what in the heck the future holds or what I'm supposed to be doing.  It's pretty annoying,slightly frightening and results in a lot of late night worrying, but I figure that until I receive a lighting bolt from heaven (or even a gentle nudge) that I can work on some goals that will make me a better person.  That's the theory anyway...

So for 2018 I'm conquering one goal a month and I hope to blog more frequently about it.  Feel free to follow along as I document my successes, failures and life lessons I learn along the way.

JANUARY GOAL:  BECOME A MORNING PERSON

I am a night owl.  At least I used to be a night owl.  I found that I was most productive in the hours after my house was quiet and it was nothing to be up until 2 or 3 am plodding away on some project.  But as I get older I find that 8:00 pm rolls around and I'm ready to be done for the day.  Which wouldn't be so terrible if I could get myself going at an earlier hour.  My husband is a morning person and I've always been so jealous of the fact that he wakes up without an alarm and can get more done in his first 3 hours of the day than I seem to accomplish in 8 of mine.

This goal isn't going to be easy because let's be frank, I wake up thinking about how I can get back in bed.  Is 9:00 am too early for a nap?  But I really think that if I can make progress in this one area it's going to help me in the other 11 goals I have planned for the year.  I think...

Step 1:  Purchase a "Happy Light".  I'd heard good things about these little lights and even if it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo, as long as I believe it there has got to be some placebo effect right?  I have to say, that so far, so good.  It could all be in my head but I think it's helping--when I remember to turn it on.

Step 2:  Eat breakfast within 30 minutes of waking.  I'm reading a book that talks about the importance of this for maintaining a healthy weight but I figure if I can get myself downstairs and noshing on my toast and protein shake from the start, it will be much harder to get back into bed.  That's the idea anyway...

Step 3:  Hit the gym.  I know for myself that if I don't get my exercise in first thing in the morning it is highly unlikely to happen.  And once I put on the track to "The Greatest Showman" and start beating the heck out of my punching bag, it gets the juices flowing.

So there it is--my January goal.  So far I'd say I'm about 50% successful.  I've got work to do so I'm gonna turn on that Happy Light and suck down my shake.  Wish me luck!

One of Those Days

I had good intentions today.  I had big plans to wake up early, get my exercise in, serve someone else, be productive.

Except none of that happened.

It started out by waking up with an upset stomach due either to a stomach bug going around or the fact that yesterday my diet consisted of straight carbs. I'm inclined to believe the latter but I'm not taking any chances.

After way too long perusing FB and playing Candy Crush I decided that the thing that would help was...a nap.


So two hours later I dragged myself out of bed, wandered downstairs and ate a sugar cookie while watching Dateline.

Yep.  I'm not proud, just keeping it real.

I have been reflecting lately on how I can find joy in the midst of trials or stress.  I know it's possible, I just don't always know how to achieve it, but I'm pretty sure more Pringles and Candy Crush aren't the answer.

So, I'm writing this post, digging out my work out clothes, heading to the gym, making dinner for once, and planning some sort of family night. I take inspiration from the amazing women I see around me who when things get tough, forge ahead, reach out to friends and manage to laugh in spite of their trials.  I want to be that woman, that mother, that friend.

And it's starting now.

Fun Facts About the Morgans

In the spirit of "Keeping it Real" I thought I would share the following "Fun Facts About the Morgans", because, well, why not?

FACT #1:  We LOVE Disney! 

It's no secret that we all love all things Disney related at the Morgan house.  Dave leads the charge and is pretty much a walking encyclopedia of Disneyland knowledge.  Seriously--if you ever need a tour guide, Disney vacation planner or need to write a term paper on the inner workings of Disneyland, Dave is your guy.  If he's otherwise occupied any one of the Morgan kids would be a close second.

FACT #2:  We're Mormon.

Duh--who DOESN'T know that?  We aren't perfect Mormons--heaven knows we have our flaws- but we love the church, we love the gospel and we love Jesus Christ.

FACT #3:  We quote TV shows--a lot.

I would say a good 75% of most of our brains are filled with movie or TV quotes.  Dave and the kids have the ridiculous ability to remember whole episodes of The Simpsons, Bob's Burgers and Seinfeld and quote them at will.  We also will watch the same episodes or movies over and over and over...

FACT #4:  We have a house full of teens--and they aren't all Morgans

Teen boys playing video games and teen girls singing "Dear Evan Hansen" at the top of their lungs are two of my favorite sounds.  We love that the kids' friends feel welcome here and it's worth the price of some pizzas and soda.

FACT #5:  There are ALWAYS Oreos in our pantry.

Oreos are the perfect cooke.  The end.

FACT #6:  Except for a couple of poor, unfortunate fish, we've never had a pet.  And never will.

I just...can't.

FACT #7:  Our Sunday meals consist of potato chips, Chips A'hoy and and a pan of brownies and/or caramel corn.

I wish I was making that up.  I'm not.

FACT #8:  Homemade "meals" are a scarcity.

See FACT #7

FACT #9:  We are musical.

And by "we", I mean everyone else but me.  I also mean that they all have natural talent that was encouraged by enough piano lessons to master the basics and an inherited natural ear for music and singing.  Some of them could have probably been prodigies if we would have been on top of it, but well...there was 6 of them.  How could I possibly be on top of that???

FACT #10:  We mess up--a lot.

I hope by now that it's pretty clear that we have no interest in presenting ourselves as a perfect family.  Because we aren't.  We make mistakes--some small, some not so small.  We could stand to be more industrious, more giving, more humble, more kind.  But we are trying and somedays that's all you can ask.

We're the Morgans.  Wanna be our friend???

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Will I Be Happy Again?

A vivid memory came to me today.  A few years ago I was driving down a road in my neighborhood, with a mind weighed down by a number of issues and this thought popped into my head:  "Will I every be truly happy again?"

That's heavy.

Up until that point I had led a rather charmed existence.  Sure, I had my share of troubles and trials and even disappointments, but the last few years had done a number on me.  We were struggling with parenting issues involving our teens and young adults, some uncertainty on the job front and it all just felt, well...overwhelming.  It seemed we were traveling through trial after trial and even the brief respite from trials felt uncomfortable--like we were waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I had worn out my knees in prayer, read a mountain of parenting books and blogs, talked to friends and still, as I drove down that road I felt a sense of hopelessness.

I'm not sure it was depression exactly--more like I couldn't see how I could ever go back to my previous, mostly foot loose and fancy free life now that I had experienced the flip side.  I was now convinced that just around the corner surely another trial was coming, so how could I truly be joyful in the in-between?

And then I realized something:  If I was waiting for happiness to come because of a lack of hardships in my life, I was probably going to be waiting a long time.  Life is hard!  It is meant to be difficult because it's through and because of those difficulties that we stretch and grow and become the people God intends for us to be.  If everything was lollipops and sunshine all the time, how would we appreciate the lessons we learn and the growth we make?  We wouldn't--we would become stagnant, boring people who can't relate to the rest of the trial laden population.

When I realized this, a switch began to flip.  I started to notice that I had much more empathy for those suffering.  When you allow yourself to acknowledge and own your hardships and share those with others, it's amazing the relationships that emerge.  Nobody wants perfect friends! They want flawed, vulnerable friends because underneath that's what we all are.  I started to recognize that I had more appreciation for the smaller things in life:  meaningful conversations with my children, a weekend away, a lunch with a friend.  And slowly the sense of hopelessness began to lift and joy filled in that space.

Now, instead of worrying about what's around the corner I acknowledge that something IS around the corner--and it's alright.  It will help me grow and stretch and love a little more.  It will make me stronger in the end and more dependent on others and the Lord.  It will make me a better me.  It's true, that joy IS found in the journey.  May we embrace our journey.

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PARENTING 101: 4 SIMPLE STRATEGIES FOR MAKING YOUR LIFE EASIER

It’s amazing how quickly you forget what it is like having young kids!  (Although when you are in the thick of it you think you’ll never forget…)  I recently returned from babysitting my five nieces and nephews for four days and it was a fun and wild ride!  I adore them and my time with them solidified my theory:  little kids make sense to me!  Teenagers…not always.  It was refreshing in a way—sort of like getting back on a bike after a few years.  The skills were there but with the added perspective of some age and wisdom.  Here is my take away regarding parenting young kids:

LIMIT THE RULES

If you have so many rules that you are spending all of your time managing said rules, you have too many rules.  I’m convinced this is why elaborate chore charts and points systems rarely seem to work.  Who wants to spend all the time managing that when you are already spending about half your day cleaning up messes and wiping noses?  (Kids make SO many messes!)  Every day I gathered the kids together and went over a few very brief rules:  get dressed, eat breakfast, no crying, no whining, no talking back.  Short and simple and pretty effective.

DON’T ASK, TELL

I have noticed this strange occurrence when observing parents and teachers lately.  They ask the kids instead of telling them.  For example:  “Do you want to get your pajamas on?”  “Do you want to eat dinner?”  “Do you want to get ready for school?”  If that’s your approach, be prepared for the kid to tell you no.  And then you’re stuck.  If you ask it as a question then you have to accept the answer.  I’m not saying everything should be a command but if you desire a specific outcome then tell, don’t ask.  “It’s time to get your pajamas on.”  “It’s time to eat dinner.”  “Go brush your teeth, please.”  This was reinforced this last week—if I told the child then we had success.  Give them an inch, they may take a mile.

NO SHOULD MEAN NO

I have a wise sister in law who says that she tries to say yes as often as possible.  That doesn’t mean that you let kids get away with everything, it means that you are thoughtful about how you answer requests.  If appropriate the answer is yes.  If you need to think about it, then you say you’ll get back to them.  And if the answer is no, it MUST be no.  Kids are geniuses at wearing you down, particularly in those moments right before bed when you are tapped out from a long day of parenting and all you want to do is lay on the couch, watch Dateline and eat peanut M&M’s.  (Ask me how I know this…)  But the second you go back on your answer, you’ve lost credibility.  Kids need boundaries, and so do you.  No should mean no.  If you aren’t prepared to stick to your guns, don’t say no.

EXPRESS GRATITUDE

Being a kid is hard.  You’re learning to manage your emotions, people bigger than you are calling a lot of the shots and dang it, you just want to eat candy for dinner and play Minecraft 20 hours a day.  (I’m NOT exaggerating about that Minecraft!)  Everyone likes to be told they are appreciated and be acknowledged when they do something well.  So smile often at these little ones, hug them and tell them you appreciate that they shared with their brother, were patient at waiting their turn, and got ready for bed without complaint.  Kids want to please you so show them you are pleased. 

To all  you moms and dads of little kids, hang in there.  It’s not so much that I wish I could go back to that time (because let’s face it I REALLY like being able to go to lunch whenever I want and take a nap every day) but I do wish I had appreciated it more.  It really is true that in the blink of an eye, they will be grown up and you will be wishing for the sounds of Disney Jr. in the background of your day.  Trust me on this.

QUESTION:  What is YOUR best parenting advice?

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