My Children Come Second in My Life--(and they know it)

Recently a friend gave a great talk in church and she made this comment:  "As children we came second in my family.  And that's the way it should be."  I loved this statement because I think too many couples get it backwards.  It's so easy to let your children come between you and your spouse and that's dangerous territory.

I've written previously about the importance about dating your spouse so I won't rehash that point (although I'm pretty adamant about it.)  Instead here are three different reasons your spouse needs to come before your children:

TO SHOW SOLIDARITY

Nothing undermines your influence as a parent more than having a spouse who doesn't have your back. You know what I'm talking about, right?  One parent makes a decision and then the other one reverses it or even worse, disagrees with the decision in front of the kids.  Yikes.  One of my children recently said that they have never seen Dave or I fight.  Although it's true that we have never yelled at or insulted one another, we don't always see eye to eye.  But we work that out between us so that when we are faced with making family decisions, disciplining the kids or setting boundaries, we are in agreement.  Two people, one united purpose.  The exception--when the kids want to go out for ice cream they go to Dad. (And usually send their sister to do the asking.)

TO PROVIDE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT

Dave and I talk often about the need for emotional intimacy in your marriage.  Being able to connect emotionally is probably the biggest marker of a lasting and satisfying marriage.  Unfortunately, sometimes our relationships with our kids creep in and can affect our relationship with our spouse.  It's wonderful to foster an emotionally intimate relationship with your children, but if you find that you are turning to your children more than your spouse to get your emotional needs met then it's time to re-evaluate.

BECAUSE KIDS GROW UP AND LEAVE

Yep, for the majority of us, our children will grow up and leave the nest--and that's exactly what you want.  And then it's you and your spouse.  Together.  Forever.  You don't want to send your final child off to school and turn to look at your spouse and wonder who they are.  Nope.  You want to be able to say, "Finally we have all the time in the world for just the two of us!"  (And then if you're anything like us you'll head straightway for Disneyland.)

The beauty of this is that it's never too late to start making the changes you need to put your spouse first.  Schedule a date.  Send a flirty text.  Make time for each other.  And pretty soon your kids will be in 2nd place.  Right where they belong.