“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.”
Over scheduled. As a society, as families, as individuals we are over scheduled. Have you ever asked a friend how they are and gotten in response the mile long list of all that they have going on? And it's said with a bit of eye rolling but almost a little badge of honor. It's like we've come to expect that unless all of our waking hours are filled with places to be and things to do that say, "we matter" we don't think we...matter. Then to top it off we push those ideas onto our kids by filling their lives with dance lessons, music lessons, drama productions, choir, band, sports of every kind, after school clubs and who knows what else.
I've been there. I've done that. And I'm taking a step back. Because I value my sanity more than I value my sense of accomplishment at this point in my life.
As a mom of 6 kids I've done scouts, sports, dance lessons every day of the week , piano lessons (and even a brief stint of tuba lessons.) I've been PTA president, booster president and held all sorts of other board positions. I serve in my church, attend lots of meetings and STILL manage to feel guilty that cooking a real dinner is the exception not the rule. But over the last few months I've decided to come up for air.
It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it.
It started with my daughter deciding not to dance this year. I'm not going to lie--that was a tough one for me. She's talented and I enjoy watching her perform. My psychologist husband would probably say it involved a little vicarious living on my part. (In his words, "you're gonna have to let this go.") He was right and you know what I've found? She's happier. She's more content. She comes home from school and takes time to relax and unwind from the day instead of cramming a snack in her mouth, changing her clothes and piling in the car. She's no longer stressed out about being late, or missing class or not measuring up to the other girls at the studio. We have more time as a family, and spend A LOT less time in the car and more time talking and doing puzzles and just...being. Perhaps in the future she'll change her mind and decide she wants to dance. But maybe she won't, and it's ok. She's learning that her value as a young woman isn't in all she does or the titles she wears or how busy she makes herself.
Which caused me to do some self introspection. I realized that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't always the healthiest to fill every waking moment with something "worthwhile." Maybe just because you're "good' at something doesn't mean you have to do that something. Just because it's a worthwhile venture doesn't mean that it's worth your time or sanity at the moment. Perhaps I didn't need to be the one to fix everything or offer an opinion or volunteer for every presented opportunity.
Don't get me wrong--I'm not knocking dance or volunteering or anything else. What I AM knocking is forgetting where are our priorities are or feeling like we have to be "busy" to matter. Because we don't.
So I've let some things go. They weren't easy decisions but they were the right decisions and THAT, is what matters.
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