Why Sarcasm Is Killing Your Relationships

Sarcasm.  It can be clever (like Hugh Laurie in "House").  It can be funny (Jerry Seinfeld anyone?). It can even be self deprecating (think Chris Farley and "Fat Guy in a Little Suit".) But it comes at a cost.  And that cost may just be the important relationships in your life.

See, we mistake sarcasm as a funny approach to dealing with people.  It stems from the inability to really connect--to develop a bond of emotional intimacy.  It's a barrier, a shield that we put up when we are uncomfortable or afraid.  Sometimes we don't even realize we are doing it, particularly if it's become a habit.  We say things like "nice job," or  "smooth move," when we see someone make a mistake instead of saying "are you ok" or "how can I help you?"   We jokingly say "don't mess up" to our kids before they perform because it's harder to say, "we've got your back and believe in you."  We "sarcastically" call our wife the "old ball and chain" or our husband "my other child" because we don't have the confidence to say that they are our better half and we'd be lost without them.

And when we do all those things all we are doing is putting a big wedge in our relationships.  Because it's scary to be open and honest in our feelings and it's much more comfortable to blanket our statements with sarcasm.  And yet, think about it.  Sarcasm is killing your relationships by sending some pretty devastating messages:

You don't fit in.

You don't belong.

You aren't important to me.

I don't trust you.

I don't appreciate you.

I don't believe in you.



I can be better.  You can be better.  We can all be better.  It doesn't take much--a kind word, a helping hand, a welcoming smile.  That's all.  And I'm not even being sarcastic:)