LaLa Land Mid Life Crisis

Last weekend Dave and I decided to pony up the big bucks and go to the movie theater to see the critically acclaimed "LaLa Land."  In case you haven't heard this movie is racking up awards faster than you can count and our son Davis loved it and has been playing the theme song for the last month.  I figured a musical would be a fun, light hearted end to our week.

Uh...wrong.

Have you seen this movie?  We loved it--but we hated it!  I don't want to give anything away but let's just say that we left the theater in a serious state of introspection (and possibly minor depression.)

(I realize after reading what I just typed that it paints the movie in a bad light.  I have a hard and fast rule that I don't see movies (or read books) with sad endings and I will say that seeing this movie didn't break that rule--I guess...I think the fact that I STILL can't decide if it's a happy or sad ending says something for the number this film did on me.)  Let's just say this movie will make you take a hard look at your life.

I can fully admit that I am currently in a state of "what am I doing with my life???"  I can see the end of my child rearing days and they aren't terribly far off.  For the last 24 years I've been raising kids.  I loved it--most of it.  (Potty training, two year old tantrums and teaching teens to drive I can do without.) From the time I can remember all I wanted to be was a mom and while raising a big family certainly has it challenges, it was exactly what I knew I should be doing.  And I've loved the ride.

And in less than 5 years, that ride is over.  Now, I want to be clear, I'm looking forward to what's ahead.  I just don't know what's ahead.  What does the next 25 years look like for Dave and me?  I'm hoping it involves cruises and visits to grandkids and the usual Disney trips.  I want to do more service, do more writing and who knows, maybe bring this podcast dream to fruition.  But it's all a little murky and just a tiny bit scary.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to savor these last few years.  I want to be more thoughtful, more engaged, more present.  And someone needs to answer this question for me:  What is UP with the end of that movie???

Family Picture Purgatory

Recently I came across this video on Facebook which I find both hilarious and a perfect analogy of every family picture session we have ever experienced.

https://www.facebook.com/BuzzFeedAnimals/videos/1444061692282488/

I can't be the only one that absolutely dreads getting family pictures.  Let's start with the obvious:  you have to come up with something to wear. You know, something matching but not too matching because you don't want it to look like you are trying too hard or have resurrected the Olan Mills portrait days.  Then, to make matters worse, your kids have opinions about what to wear.  And those opinions usually don't have anything to do with the outfits you've spent hours picking out.  No, they want to wear their lucky shirt and crocs and somehow aquatic shoes don't quite fit in your vision of the perfect family portrait.

Then assuming you can get everyone dressed, in the car and to the place on time you have to endure the picture taking session.  I can't decide what's worse, getting a picture taken with a bunch of toddlers/pre teens who either a) are positively starving or b) have to go to the bathroom.  Or getting a picture taken with six teenager/young adults who are wittier and more passive aggressive than you. Again.  Either situation is a toss up in misery.

Now comes the part where you have to actually touch each other.  Like put your arms around each other or at the very least squeeze in tight which is positively the worst thing you could ask them to do apparently.  Scrubbing toilets with a toothbrush would be better than this.  Eating a bowl full of broccoli would be cake compared to everyone huddled together in an unnatural position looking at the camera all at once with a mildly pleasant look on their faces.

Torture.  I'm telling you.

So here's what I've done over the years:  embraced it.

If everyone doesn't match, so what.  Maybe those Batman high tops will end up being a super cool reminder of your son's personality.  They don't want to touch each other?  The goofy poses they come up with tell a better, more realistic story anyway.  The perfect family picture?  It doesn't really exist.  At least not for this family.

And that's ok.  Because we are keeping it real.

If you are local and looking for some fantastic family pictures with minimal amount of torture, we highly recommend Clouds in Bloom Photography 
Clouds in Bloom

Thinking Of Jumping Off the FB Ship? Try This Instead

People are bailing left and right off this ship.  The Facebook ship that is.  Just today I saw multiple friends who said they're out, they can't take it anymore.  I get it, I totally do and I wasn't far behind.  But then I had a thought, what if instead of taking ourselves out of the game, we turned the game around???

What if instead of doomsday posts about how our country is going down we posted about serving those around us?

What if instead of political rants, we engaged in thoughtful discussion?

What if instead of casting blame, we offered help, instead of calling others bigots we offered enlightenment, instead of foul language we offered kind words?  The possibilities of how we can turn the tide are endless:

*Bring on the family pictures--we need more of those.  And I don't just mean the picture perfect family moments.  Show me your not so perfect moments so I know you're real just like me.

*Post a picture of nature--a sunset, the mountains, the woods, or any other amazing creation.  We are surrounded by beauty and it can counteract all the ugliness.

*Share inspiring quotes--because maybe they are cheesy, but it starts my day off a whole lot better than another political diatribe that just riles me up.

*Cat pictures.  I can't believe I'm saying it, but cat pictures are better than what we currently have clogging up our feeds.

I'm not saying we have to be Pollyannas (though we could probably all stand to have a little more Pollyanna attitude gracing our lives.)  I think there is room for thoughtful discourse--I'm just not seeing a lot of it right now. I think some cat pictures might for once actually help...

And if you are looking for more of this sort of content, head on over to Instagram where you can follow us on morganlifeadvice.  We keep it real and hopefully bring a smile to your face.

Who is with me?

Snowmageddon

It was Snowmageddon here.  Or the Storm of the Century or Snowpocolypse.  I can't remember what the news stations actually called it but it was dramatic and for once here in the Pacific Northwest, they weren't too far off base.  See, in this part of the country snow is a bit of rarity and when you see the forecast calling for some snowflakes you think only one thing:  Snow Day!  As a child you would wait for that call to come in that the 1/2 inch of snow dust coating the roads meant the busses couldn't possibly get out and you get the blessed day off.  Heaven!

Well, this year Heaven lasted more than a week.

That's right folks and that week came right on the heels of Christmas break.

I felt sorry for my friends who are moms of little kids.  Because I get it, I do.  You've just survived having them home for two weeks and are looking forward to getting them back on schedule and a few precious hours to yourself where you don't have to police sibling squabbles or constantly feed and pick up after them.  I've been there.  I mean you're talking to a woman who used to pray for all day kindergarten only to have it become a reality the year AFTER her youngest started to school.  It was like the kindergarten gods were mocking me because we all know half day kindergarten is really just kindergarten hell--not enough time to actually get anything done and not worth the trouble of getting the kid up, fed, dressed and to the bus stop on time.  (I might be a little bitter about this still...)

But snow days with teenagers?  That's a whole different story.  Let me tell you what THAT looks like:

*sleeping in (for Mom too)
*no lunches to make
*late night movies and puzzle making
*no nagging to complete homework
*no mom taxi service

And the best thing of all:

*no nighttime obligations.  School concerts, games, meetings are all cancelled when school cancels and that means a rare quiet night at home.

It's funny how quickly life changes without you even noticing.  It honestly doesn't seem like that long ago that I was listening to Nick Jr and praying the district would abolish teacher in-service days so I could get some peace and quiet.  So I loved Snowmageddon for what it was.  A chance to enjoy the blessings of being the mom of a house full of teenagers.  And the sleeping in.  Let's not forget the sleeping in.

Over Scheduled and Stressed Out

“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.” 

― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Over scheduled.  As a society, as families, as individuals we are over scheduled.  Have you ever asked a friend how they are and gotten in response the mile long list of all that they have going on?  And it's said with a bit of eye rolling but almost a little badge of honor.  It's like we've come to expect that unless all of our waking hours are filled with places to be and things to do that say, "we matter" we don't think we...matter.  Then to top it off we push those ideas onto our kids by filling their lives with dance lessons, music lessons, drama productions, choir, band, sports of every kind, after school clubs and who knows what else.

I've been there.  I've done that.  And I'm taking a step back.  Because I value my sanity more than I value my sense of accomplishment at this point in my life.

As a mom of 6 kids I've done scouts, sports, dance lessons every day of the week , piano lessons (and even a brief stint of tuba lessons.)  I've been PTA president, booster president and held all sorts of other board positions.  I serve in my church, attend lots of meetings and STILL manage to feel guilty that cooking a real dinner is the exception not the rule.  But over the last few months I've decided to come up for air.

It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it.

It started with my daughter deciding not to dance this year.  I'm not going to lie--that was a tough one for me.  She's talented and I enjoy watching her perform.  My psychologist husband would probably say it involved a little vicarious living on my part.  (In his words, "you're gonna have to let this go.")  He was right and you know what I've found?  She's happier.  She's more content.  She comes home from school and takes time to relax and unwind from the day instead of cramming a snack in her mouth, changing her clothes and piling in the car.  She's no longer stressed out about being late, or missing class or not measuring up to the other girls at the studio.  We have more time as a family, and spend A LOT less time in the car and more time talking and doing puzzles and just...being.  Perhaps in the future she'll change her mind and decide she wants to dance.  But maybe she won't, and it's ok.  She's learning that her value as a young woman isn't in all she does or the titles she wears or how busy she makes herself.

Which caused me to do some self introspection.  I realized that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't always the healthiest to fill every waking moment with something "worthwhile."  Maybe just because you're "good' at something doesn't mean you have to do that something.  Just because it's a worthwhile venture doesn't mean that it's worth your time or sanity at the moment.  Perhaps I didn't need to be the one to fix everything or offer an opinion or volunteer for every presented opportunity.  

Don't get me wrong--I'm not knocking dance or volunteering or anything else.  What I AM knocking is forgetting where are our priorities are or feeling like we have to be "busy" to matter.  Because we don't.  

So I've let some things go.  They weren't easy decisions but they were the right decisions and THAT, is what matters. 

Why Sarcasm Is Killing Your Relationships

Sarcasm.  It can be clever (like Hugh Laurie in "House").  It can be funny (Jerry Seinfeld anyone?). It can even be self deprecating (think Chris Farley and "Fat Guy in a Little Suit".) But it comes at a cost.  And that cost may just be the important relationships in your life.

See, we mistake sarcasm as a funny approach to dealing with people.  It stems from the inability to really connect--to develop a bond of emotional intimacy.  It's a barrier, a shield that we put up when we are uncomfortable or afraid.  Sometimes we don't even realize we are doing it, particularly if it's become a habit.  We say things like "nice job," or  "smooth move," when we see someone make a mistake instead of saying "are you ok" or "how can I help you?"   We jokingly say "don't mess up" to our kids before they perform because it's harder to say, "we've got your back and believe in you."  We "sarcastically" call our wife the "old ball and chain" or our husband "my other child" because we don't have the confidence to say that they are our better half and we'd be lost without them.

And when we do all those things all we are doing is putting a big wedge in our relationships.  Because it's scary to be open and honest in our feelings and it's much more comfortable to blanket our statements with sarcasm.  And yet, think about it.  Sarcasm is killing your relationships by sending some pretty devastating messages:

You don't fit in.

You don't belong.

You aren't important to me.

I don't trust you.

I don't appreciate you.

I don't believe in you.



I can be better.  You can be better.  We can all be better.  It doesn't take much--a kind word, a helping hand, a welcoming smile.  That's all.  And I'm not even being sarcastic:)

Is This Is a Mid-Life Crisis?

I'm not sure, but I might be approaching a mid-life crisis.  In the last week I’ve experienced hot flashes, the inability to wear high heels and to top it all off I broke out into some weird hive-like rash which has caused the left half of my body to itch like crazy.  I think it might  be psychosomatic.  Because I just realized that in five years all my children will have left my home.  FIVE YEARS PEOPLE!!  

Five years ago we were just settling in for a cozy fall with all six of our off spring nestled safely in the Morgan Hacienda.  Our oldest was preparing to leave for a mission, two were in high school, two in middle school and we still had an elementary school student.  Recess and hot lunch were daily parts of our vocabulary. We guzzled 13 gallons of milk a week and consumed four boxes of cereal in the same amount of time.  Every night all eight of us knelt down for prayers.  (Ok, who am I kidding, it was more like every other night but still!)  Sunday mornings after some nagging, exasperated sighs, and last minute ironing I could look down our church pew and see six Morgan children attempting (and failing) to stay awake through the service.

Five years was not that long ago.

I can’t help but think that these next five years are going to fly by.  Currently more than half of our children (because I include our daughters in law as children) live outside the home.  Four are in Utah, one serving the Lord in Maine.  The house is quieter—everyone is plugged in listening to Hamilton and I find myself watching a lot more Dateline and pondering next steps.  And itching—what is UP with this itching???

But then I think, this is what life’s about, right?  This is what we have these children for—to raise them up to one day fly the coop.  And give us grandchildren.  Lots and lots of grandchildren.  And so, now I’m spending a lot of my quiet days thinking about what I want my life to look like five years from now.  I don’t have any answers but I do see lots of possibilities.  Traveling with Dave, volunteering, writing, speaking, and snuggling grandkids.  (Did I mention about the grandchildren?)

Some days I miss reading bedtime stories and listening to the sound of Nick Jr.  I miss when parenting made sense to me instead of the constant balancing act of trying to parent teens and young adults.  I miss a full dinner table, nursery rhymes and when the time out chair was all the leverage I needed.  But I also really love now.  I love new daughters in law, and the freedom to go out to lunch every day, and grown up conversations with all of my children and watching the fine people they are becoming.  And let’s not forget the grandchildren possibility.

But the itching?  I’m so over that.