Fun Facts About the Morgans

In the spirit of "Keeping it Real" I thought I would share the following "Fun Facts About the Morgans", because, well, why not?

FACT #1:  We LOVE Disney! 

It's no secret that we all love all things Disney related at the Morgan house.  Dave leads the charge and is pretty much a walking encyclopedia of Disneyland knowledge.  Seriously--if you ever need a tour guide, Disney vacation planner or need to write a term paper on the inner workings of Disneyland, Dave is your guy.  If he's otherwise occupied any one of the Morgan kids would be a close second.

FACT #2:  We're Mormon.

Duh--who DOESN'T know that?  We aren't perfect Mormons--heaven knows we have our flaws- but we love the church, we love the gospel and we love Jesus Christ.

FACT #3:  We quote TV shows--a lot.

I would say a good 75% of most of our brains are filled with movie or TV quotes.  Dave and the kids have the ridiculous ability to remember whole episodes of The Simpsons, Bob's Burgers and Seinfeld and quote them at will.  We also will watch the same episodes or movies over and over and over...

FACT #4:  We have a house full of teens--and they aren't all Morgans

Teen boys playing video games and teen girls singing "Dear Evan Hansen" at the top of their lungs are two of my favorite sounds.  We love that the kids' friends feel welcome here and it's worth the price of some pizzas and soda.

FACT #5:  There are ALWAYS Oreos in our pantry.

Oreos are the perfect cooke.  The end.

FACT #6:  Except for a couple of poor, unfortunate fish, we've never had a pet.  And never will.

I just...can't.

FACT #7:  Our Sunday meals consist of potato chips, Chips A'hoy and and a pan of brownies and/or caramel corn.

I wish I was making that up.  I'm not.

FACT #8:  Homemade "meals" are a scarcity.

See FACT #7

FACT #9:  We are musical.

And by "we", I mean everyone else but me.  I also mean that they all have natural talent that was encouraged by enough piano lessons to master the basics and an inherited natural ear for music and singing.  Some of them could have probably been prodigies if we would have been on top of it, but well...there was 6 of them.  How could I possibly be on top of that???

FACT #10:  We mess up--a lot.

I hope by now that it's pretty clear that we have no interest in presenting ourselves as a perfect family.  Because we aren't.  We make mistakes--some small, some not so small.  We could stand to be more industrious, more giving, more humble, more kind.  But we are trying and somedays that's all you can ask.

We're the Morgans.  Wanna be our friend???

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Will I Be Happy Again?

A vivid memory came to me today.  A few years ago I was driving down a road in my neighborhood, with a mind weighed down by a number of issues and this thought popped into my head:  "Will I every be truly happy again?"

That's heavy.

Up until that point I had led a rather charmed existence.  Sure, I had my share of troubles and trials and even disappointments, but the last few years had done a number on me.  We were struggling with parenting issues involving our teens and young adults, some uncertainty on the job front and it all just felt, well...overwhelming.  It seemed we were traveling through trial after trial and even the brief respite from trials felt uncomfortable--like we were waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I had worn out my knees in prayer, read a mountain of parenting books and blogs, talked to friends and still, as I drove down that road I felt a sense of hopelessness.

I'm not sure it was depression exactly--more like I couldn't see how I could ever go back to my previous, mostly foot loose and fancy free life now that I had experienced the flip side.  I was now convinced that just around the corner surely another trial was coming, so how could I truly be joyful in the in-between?

And then I realized something:  If I was waiting for happiness to come because of a lack of hardships in my life, I was probably going to be waiting a long time.  Life is hard!  It is meant to be difficult because it's through and because of those difficulties that we stretch and grow and become the people God intends for us to be.  If everything was lollipops and sunshine all the time, how would we appreciate the lessons we learn and the growth we make?  We wouldn't--we would become stagnant, boring people who can't relate to the rest of the trial laden population.

When I realized this, a switch began to flip.  I started to notice that I had much more empathy for those suffering.  When you allow yourself to acknowledge and own your hardships and share those with others, it's amazing the relationships that emerge.  Nobody wants perfect friends! They want flawed, vulnerable friends because underneath that's what we all are.  I started to recognize that I had more appreciation for the smaller things in life:  meaningful conversations with my children, a weekend away, a lunch with a friend.  And slowly the sense of hopelessness began to lift and joy filled in that space.

Now, instead of worrying about what's around the corner I acknowledge that something IS around the corner--and it's alright.  It will help me grow and stretch and love a little more.  It will make me stronger in the end and more dependent on others and the Lord.  It will make me a better me.  It's true, that joy IS found in the journey.  May we embrace our journey.

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PARENTING 101: 4 SIMPLE STRATEGIES FOR MAKING YOUR LIFE EASIER

It’s amazing how quickly you forget what it is like having young kids!  (Although when you are in the thick of it you think you’ll never forget…)  I recently returned from babysitting my five nieces and nephews for four days and it was a fun and wild ride!  I adore them and my time with them solidified my theory:  little kids make sense to me!  Teenagers…not always.  It was refreshing in a way—sort of like getting back on a bike after a few years.  The skills were there but with the added perspective of some age and wisdom.  Here is my take away regarding parenting young kids:

LIMIT THE RULES

If you have so many rules that you are spending all of your time managing said rules, you have too many rules.  I’m convinced this is why elaborate chore charts and points systems rarely seem to work.  Who wants to spend all the time managing that when you are already spending about half your day cleaning up messes and wiping noses?  (Kids make SO many messes!)  Every day I gathered the kids together and went over a few very brief rules:  get dressed, eat breakfast, no crying, no whining, no talking back.  Short and simple and pretty effective.

DON’T ASK, TELL

I have noticed this strange occurrence when observing parents and teachers lately.  They ask the kids instead of telling them.  For example:  “Do you want to get your pajamas on?”  “Do you want to eat dinner?”  “Do you want to get ready for school?”  If that’s your approach, be prepared for the kid to tell you no.  And then you’re stuck.  If you ask it as a question then you have to accept the answer.  I’m not saying everything should be a command but if you desire a specific outcome then tell, don’t ask.  “It’s time to get your pajamas on.”  “It’s time to eat dinner.”  “Go brush your teeth, please.”  This was reinforced this last week—if I told the child then we had success.  Give them an inch, they may take a mile.

NO SHOULD MEAN NO

I have a wise sister in law who says that she tries to say yes as often as possible.  That doesn’t mean that you let kids get away with everything, it means that you are thoughtful about how you answer requests.  If appropriate the answer is yes.  If you need to think about it, then you say you’ll get back to them.  And if the answer is no, it MUST be no.  Kids are geniuses at wearing you down, particularly in those moments right before bed when you are tapped out from a long day of parenting and all you want to do is lay on the couch, watch Dateline and eat peanut M&M’s.  (Ask me how I know this…)  But the second you go back on your answer, you’ve lost credibility.  Kids need boundaries, and so do you.  No should mean no.  If you aren’t prepared to stick to your guns, don’t say no.

EXPRESS GRATITUDE

Being a kid is hard.  You’re learning to manage your emotions, people bigger than you are calling a lot of the shots and dang it, you just want to eat candy for dinner and play Minecraft 20 hours a day.  (I’m NOT exaggerating about that Minecraft!)  Everyone likes to be told they are appreciated and be acknowledged when they do something well.  So smile often at these little ones, hug them and tell them you appreciate that they shared with their brother, were patient at waiting their turn, and got ready for bed without complaint.  Kids want to please you so show them you are pleased. 

To all  you moms and dads of little kids, hang in there.  It’s not so much that I wish I could go back to that time (because let’s face it I REALLY like being able to go to lunch whenever I want and take a nap every day) but I do wish I had appreciated it more.  It really is true that in the blink of an eye, they will be grown up and you will be wishing for the sounds of Disney Jr. in the background of your day.  Trust me on this.

QUESTION:  What is YOUR best parenting advice?

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If I Could Turn Back Time: 3 Tips for Surviving Parenting

I have been at this mothering business for 24 years now and while I am in no way an expert, I have come to realize a few things.  If I could go back to when I was first starting on this parenting journey, here is what I would tell 20 year old me:

Chill out.

Profound, I know, but I'm being honest.  As I reflect on this last quarter century I have come to realize that about 80% of what I spent time agonizing over, was in fact, not that important.  Oh sure, at the time all that stuff like messy bedrooms, giant sock piles, eye rolling and teenage moodiness seemed pretty serious, but I could have saved myself a whole lot of grief if I could have concentrated on a few simple truths and pushed the other ones aside.  Hindsight is 20/20, but now as I'm preparing to be a grandma--it's happening people!!-- I would offer these nuggets of advice:

 Establish a good relationship with each child. 

My wise sister in law shared this quote with me:  "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."  I am the champion at fixating on the problem.  (Seriously--I will read mountains of books, scour the internet, poll friends and family and generally make myself nutty trying to figure the dang kid out!)   However, over the last several years I've realized that if I can concentrate FIRST on loving the child, a solution will come much more readily--and with a lot less hair pulling.   Love first, fix later.

 Children don't (and shouldn't) fit a mold.

Again, I was under a misguided notion that if I could just figure out the first kid, the next five would be easier.  Ummmm... That theory works if they are all clones, but since the good Lord saw fit to send me 6 unique individuals with various likes, dislikes, quirks, challenges, attitudes and food preferences,  I had to throw this idea out the window.  You think you know how to handle one situation?  Just wait, the next kid will turn your parenting abilities upside down.  Sure, you do gain some knowledge as you go but I wish I would have figured out sooner that I need to give each child the chance to spread their wings, be different and follow their own path.  (Besides which the idea of 6 Morgan robot children seems a tad bit frightening...so.many.Simpsons.quotes.)

Trust your instincts

I discussed this in my last post and I stand by it.  I tend to overthink things.  A lot.  I second guess, tweak, backtrack, worry, and stress.  And then I start the process all over until I am the queen of Crazy Town.  In the last few months I have worked on taking a deep breath, quieting my mind and just...listening.  No more second guessing, no more doubting.  Because the Lord gave me these kids for a reason.  He knows I can handle it, even when it seems like I can't.

As a mother you will make mistakes.  You will feel like you are losing your mind somedays.  You will feel overwhelmed, over burdened and over worked and entirely out of your element.   But you will also find great personal growth, laughter, and sweet, sweet moments of pure joy.

In the meantime, chill out.

Fear, Stress and Worry, Oh My!

Anxiety, fear, depression.  Is it just me or are we hearing these terms a whole lot more, recently?  The subject is a fascinating one to me--why is it that these ailments seem more prevalent?  Why do more of my family and friends seem afflicted with them?  And why, does it seem that they are creeping into my own life?

If you would have asked me five years ago if anxiety or fear were a normal part of my everyday life, I would have laughed--unless you count a fear of running out of Oreos. That's no laughing matter.  By and large, I have always been a "glass is half full" kind of gal.  An optimist at my core.  Yet, things have shifted in the last little while, and I've grown weary of it.

Somewhere along the line I have let worry worm it's way into my brain.  As I've thought about it I have realized that it has to do with control, or the lack thereof.  For a very long time as a mom of young kids, things were by and large in my control.  Sure it was tiring, and draining and there were tantrums and dirty diapers and all that jazz.  I've said it before--those things made sense to me.  With a little mom magic I could adjust the course of a tantrum, teach them to tie their shoes or ride a bike and tuck them in at the end of the day all safe and sound.  However as my children have grown, more and more is out of control and I am recognizing that this is where the fear and anxiety starts to form.

Recognizing where it comes from is one thing, but letting it go, is an entirely different story!  Not only that but I have been finding that these worries can paralyze me into doing nothing, because I'm not exactly sure where I should be heading.

And then today--an epiphany.

It came in the form of a quote by David A. Bednar:

“I invite you to embrace what the Lord has blessed you with and to act in faith. Do not take counsel from your fears."

I realized that I have been "taking counsel from my fears."  What if I just...stopped that?  What if I started trusting by acting?  What if instead of questioning the ideas that pop into my head, I just...went with them?  Realistically speaking, I can't think of any decision I have made that has turned out to be disastrous.  (Except that time I decided to give myself highlights.  I'm not making THAT mistake again...)  Did some of my decisions not work out?  Sure.  But nothing bad came out of them--at worst they were simply ineffective.  (I'm thinking of practically every allowance system we've had here.)  Frankly, my track record is not half bad.  Certainly there are more successes than failures.

It's the adversary that weasels his way into our psyche to make us think we are doing it wrong.  Doubts, fears, stress and anxiety don't come from God.  They don't.  And if I believe that God loves me and has His hand in my life, then I can let this stress go.  I can.

Will it be easy?  Probably not.  Usually when we stretch and grow, it isn't a piece of cake.  But it IS doable.  So I'm doing it.  I'm tired of the doubt and the fear and the worry.  I'm letting it go!  Who wants to join me?

Raising Teenagers: "Sit Down You're Rocking The Boat"

I've been thinking about parenting a lot lately.  And by "a lot" I mean like 99% of the time.  The other 1% is filled with Seinfeld quotes and the soundtrack to Guys and Dolls.  ("Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat."  I think that song might be a sub conscious statement on my parenting strategy!)  What is it about having teenagers that makes you question everything you do/think/say?  Oh, that's right--they are mini adults.  With opinions.  Opinions that don't always match your own.  They don't want to sit down--in fact, often they most definitely want to rock the boat.

We have terrific kids, however I think that I was misguided in how this parenting thing would play out.  For some naive reason I thought this would go a lot like their early years: You do what mom tells you, how she tells you and we are all happy.  The boat stays nice and steady.  Some days I miss the simpler times:

"Hold my hand when you cross the street."

"Eat your vegetables and you get dessert".

"Don't rub butter on your brother or you're in time out."

See?  Simple.

I'm starting to figure something out though.  Sometimes my way, isn't always the best way.  As parents we sometimes forget to take into account that part of the growing up process for our kids is actually to rock the boat.  This process means making more choices and often more mistakes.  It means trying new things and letting go of old interests.  And yes, sometimes it means questioning me, as their parent.

It's a leap of faith for me as a mother, this idea of letting go.  Sometimes it's positively maddening but it can also be so rewarding.  I mean, it'll make you crazy during the process when you can't figure out what in the heck they are thinking, but that's exactly what this growing up thing is:  a process.  Our kids need to do it their way--not our way.

So I'm working on trusting that process.  Sometimes I forget to give my kids the credit they deserve and I'm working on that.  I don't want cookie cutter kids.  I want kids who think for themselves, do things for the right reasons (not just because it is "expected' of them) and who can learn from their failures and emerge resilient.  We teach them them what a boat is, where the destination is and then we need to let them figure out how to row there.  Often that's with a whole lot of rocking.  Scary?  Yes.  Necessary?  Definitely.

But every once in a while I miss those brother butter smearing days...

What's Next? (I wish I knew).

I'm in a funk.  Not in a clinical depression type of a funk--more like a "yoga pants wearing, chocolate eating, Dateline viewing" type of funk.  The best way I can describe it is that I feel like there is something I am supposed to be doing.  I just can't figure out what that something is, exactly.

It stands to reason that it's some sort of mid life crisis.  After all, more than half of my kids are now adults and in four short years we will be empty nesters.  We have our first grandchild on the way,  I've got a few wrinkles and yesterday I threw my back out bending over.  Just bending over... Change is coming.  I'm just not sure what that change is for me and it's making me a little (ok a lot) crazy.

I've read a pile of self improvement books, listened to a boat load of podcasts and done a lot of soul searching.  Someone told me I should try meditation to bring on enlightenment.  All it did was bring on a nap.  (I think I did it wrong.)  I've prayed, counseled with my husband and spent way too much time pondering in my head.  And here is what I've come up with:

Nothing.

Well, except for the idea that this is teaching me patience and God isn't going to leave me hanging.  Most of my life I've sort of been going full steam ahead with being the busy mom of 6.  I've wiped a million rear ends, made thousands of lunches, chaperoned more than my share of field trips and helped at more PTA activities that I can count.  I've chaired events, raised money for band trips, chauffeured children to a mind boggling number of practices, and I've figured out that right now is my time to take a breath.  There is something waiting for me right around the corner and when it gets here it will be perfect for me, tailor made to help me stretch and grow and develop my talents.  I've just got to trust in the process and relax.

But in the meantime, I've got a Snickers bar to eat and Dateline to watch.