One of Those Days

I had good intentions today.  I had big plans to wake up early, get my exercise in, serve someone else, be productive.

Except none of that happened.

It started out by waking up with an upset stomach due either to a stomach bug going around or the fact that yesterday my diet consisted of straight carbs. I'm inclined to believe the latter but I'm not taking any chances.

After way too long perusing FB and playing Candy Crush I decided that the thing that would help was...a nap.


So two hours later I dragged myself out of bed, wandered downstairs and ate a sugar cookie while watching Dateline.

Yep.  I'm not proud, just keeping it real.

I have been reflecting lately on how I can find joy in the midst of trials or stress.  I know it's possible, I just don't always know how to achieve it, but I'm pretty sure more Pringles and Candy Crush aren't the answer.

So, I'm writing this post, digging out my work out clothes, heading to the gym, making dinner for once, and planning some sort of family night. I take inspiration from the amazing women I see around me who when things get tough, forge ahead, reach out to friends and manage to laugh in spite of their trials.  I want to be that woman, that mother, that friend.

And it's starting now.

Fun Facts About the Morgans

In the spirit of "Keeping it Real" I thought I would share the following "Fun Facts About the Morgans", because, well, why not?

FACT #1:  We LOVE Disney! 

It's no secret that we all love all things Disney related at the Morgan house.  Dave leads the charge and is pretty much a walking encyclopedia of Disneyland knowledge.  Seriously--if you ever need a tour guide, Disney vacation planner or need to write a term paper on the inner workings of Disneyland, Dave is your guy.  If he's otherwise occupied any one of the Morgan kids would be a close second.

FACT #2:  We're Mormon.

Duh--who DOESN'T know that?  We aren't perfect Mormons--heaven knows we have our flaws- but we love the church, we love the gospel and we love Jesus Christ.

FACT #3:  We quote TV shows--a lot.

I would say a good 75% of most of our brains are filled with movie or TV quotes.  Dave and the kids have the ridiculous ability to remember whole episodes of The Simpsons, Bob's Burgers and Seinfeld and quote them at will.  We also will watch the same episodes or movies over and over and over...

FACT #4:  We have a house full of teens--and they aren't all Morgans

Teen boys playing video games and teen girls singing "Dear Evan Hansen" at the top of their lungs are two of my favorite sounds.  We love that the kids' friends feel welcome here and it's worth the price of some pizzas and soda.

FACT #5:  There are ALWAYS Oreos in our pantry.

Oreos are the perfect cooke.  The end.

FACT #6:  Except for a couple of poor, unfortunate fish, we've never had a pet.  And never will.

I just...can't.

FACT #7:  Our Sunday meals consist of potato chips, Chips A'hoy and and a pan of brownies and/or caramel corn.

I wish I was making that up.  I'm not.

FACT #8:  Homemade "meals" are a scarcity.

See FACT #7

FACT #9:  We are musical.

And by "we", I mean everyone else but me.  I also mean that they all have natural talent that was encouraged by enough piano lessons to master the basics and an inherited natural ear for music and singing.  Some of them could have probably been prodigies if we would have been on top of it, but well...there was 6 of them.  How could I possibly be on top of that???

FACT #10:  We mess up--a lot.

I hope by now that it's pretty clear that we have no interest in presenting ourselves as a perfect family.  Because we aren't.  We make mistakes--some small, some not so small.  We could stand to be more industrious, more giving, more humble, more kind.  But we are trying and somedays that's all you can ask.

We're the Morgans.  Wanna be our friend???

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Will I Be Happy Again?

A vivid memory came to me today.  A few years ago I was driving down a road in my neighborhood, with a mind weighed down by a number of issues and this thought popped into my head:  "Will I every be truly happy again?"

That's heavy.

Up until that point I had led a rather charmed existence.  Sure, I had my share of troubles and trials and even disappointments, but the last few years had done a number on me.  We were struggling with parenting issues involving our teens and young adults, some uncertainty on the job front and it all just felt, well...overwhelming.  It seemed we were traveling through trial after trial and even the brief respite from trials felt uncomfortable--like we were waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I had worn out my knees in prayer, read a mountain of parenting books and blogs, talked to friends and still, as I drove down that road I felt a sense of hopelessness.

I'm not sure it was depression exactly--more like I couldn't see how I could ever go back to my previous, mostly foot loose and fancy free life now that I had experienced the flip side.  I was now convinced that just around the corner surely another trial was coming, so how could I truly be joyful in the in-between?

And then I realized something:  If I was waiting for happiness to come because of a lack of hardships in my life, I was probably going to be waiting a long time.  Life is hard!  It is meant to be difficult because it's through and because of those difficulties that we stretch and grow and become the people God intends for us to be.  If everything was lollipops and sunshine all the time, how would we appreciate the lessons we learn and the growth we make?  We wouldn't--we would become stagnant, boring people who can't relate to the rest of the trial laden population.

When I realized this, a switch began to flip.  I started to notice that I had much more empathy for those suffering.  When you allow yourself to acknowledge and own your hardships and share those with others, it's amazing the relationships that emerge.  Nobody wants perfect friends! They want flawed, vulnerable friends because underneath that's what we all are.  I started to recognize that I had more appreciation for the smaller things in life:  meaningful conversations with my children, a weekend away, a lunch with a friend.  And slowly the sense of hopelessness began to lift and joy filled in that space.

Now, instead of worrying about what's around the corner I acknowledge that something IS around the corner--and it's alright.  It will help me grow and stretch and love a little more.  It will make me stronger in the end and more dependent on others and the Lord.  It will make me a better me.  It's true, that joy IS found in the journey.  May we embrace our journey.

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PARENTING 101: 4 SIMPLE STRATEGIES FOR MAKING YOUR LIFE EASIER

It’s amazing how quickly you forget what it is like having young kids!  (Although when you are in the thick of it you think you’ll never forget…)  I recently returned from babysitting my five nieces and nephews for four days and it was a fun and wild ride!  I adore them and my time with them solidified my theory:  little kids make sense to me!  Teenagers…not always.  It was refreshing in a way—sort of like getting back on a bike after a few years.  The skills were there but with the added perspective of some age and wisdom.  Here is my take away regarding parenting young kids:

LIMIT THE RULES

If you have so many rules that you are spending all of your time managing said rules, you have too many rules.  I’m convinced this is why elaborate chore charts and points systems rarely seem to work.  Who wants to spend all the time managing that when you are already spending about half your day cleaning up messes and wiping noses?  (Kids make SO many messes!)  Every day I gathered the kids together and went over a few very brief rules:  get dressed, eat breakfast, no crying, no whining, no talking back.  Short and simple and pretty effective.

DON’T ASK, TELL

I have noticed this strange occurrence when observing parents and teachers lately.  They ask the kids instead of telling them.  For example:  “Do you want to get your pajamas on?”  “Do you want to eat dinner?”  “Do you want to get ready for school?”  If that’s your approach, be prepared for the kid to tell you no.  And then you’re stuck.  If you ask it as a question then you have to accept the answer.  I’m not saying everything should be a command but if you desire a specific outcome then tell, don’t ask.  “It’s time to get your pajamas on.”  “It’s time to eat dinner.”  “Go brush your teeth, please.”  This was reinforced this last week—if I told the child then we had success.  Give them an inch, they may take a mile.

NO SHOULD MEAN NO

I have a wise sister in law who says that she tries to say yes as often as possible.  That doesn’t mean that you let kids get away with everything, it means that you are thoughtful about how you answer requests.  If appropriate the answer is yes.  If you need to think about it, then you say you’ll get back to them.  And if the answer is no, it MUST be no.  Kids are geniuses at wearing you down, particularly in those moments right before bed when you are tapped out from a long day of parenting and all you want to do is lay on the couch, watch Dateline and eat peanut M&M’s.  (Ask me how I know this…)  But the second you go back on your answer, you’ve lost credibility.  Kids need boundaries, and so do you.  No should mean no.  If you aren’t prepared to stick to your guns, don’t say no.

EXPRESS GRATITUDE

Being a kid is hard.  You’re learning to manage your emotions, people bigger than you are calling a lot of the shots and dang it, you just want to eat candy for dinner and play Minecraft 20 hours a day.  (I’m NOT exaggerating about that Minecraft!)  Everyone likes to be told they are appreciated and be acknowledged when they do something well.  So smile often at these little ones, hug them and tell them you appreciate that they shared with their brother, were patient at waiting their turn, and got ready for bed without complaint.  Kids want to please you so show them you are pleased. 

To all  you moms and dads of little kids, hang in there.  It’s not so much that I wish I could go back to that time (because let’s face it I REALLY like being able to go to lunch whenever I want and take a nap every day) but I do wish I had appreciated it more.  It really is true that in the blink of an eye, they will be grown up and you will be wishing for the sounds of Disney Jr. in the background of your day.  Trust me on this.

QUESTION:  What is YOUR best parenting advice?

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If I Could Turn Back Time: 3 Tips for Surviving Parenting

I have been at this mothering business for 24 years now and while I am in no way an expert, I have come to realize a few things.  If I could go back to when I was first starting on this parenting journey, here is what I would tell 20 year old me:

Chill out.

Profound, I know, but I'm being honest.  As I reflect on this last quarter century I have come to realize that about 80% of what I spent time agonizing over, was in fact, not that important.  Oh sure, at the time all that stuff like messy bedrooms, giant sock piles, eye rolling and teenage moodiness seemed pretty serious, but I could have saved myself a whole lot of grief if I could have concentrated on a few simple truths and pushed the other ones aside.  Hindsight is 20/20, but now as I'm preparing to be a grandma--it's happening people!!-- I would offer these nuggets of advice:

 Establish a good relationship with each child. 

My wise sister in law shared this quote with me:  "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."  I am the champion at fixating on the problem.  (Seriously--I will read mountains of books, scour the internet, poll friends and family and generally make myself nutty trying to figure the dang kid out!)   However, over the last several years I've realized that if I can concentrate FIRST on loving the child, a solution will come much more readily--and with a lot less hair pulling.   Love first, fix later.

 Children don't (and shouldn't) fit a mold.

Again, I was under a misguided notion that if I could just figure out the first kid, the next five would be easier.  Ummmm... That theory works if they are all clones, but since the good Lord saw fit to send me 6 unique individuals with various likes, dislikes, quirks, challenges, attitudes and food preferences,  I had to throw this idea out the window.  You think you know how to handle one situation?  Just wait, the next kid will turn your parenting abilities upside down.  Sure, you do gain some knowledge as you go but I wish I would have figured out sooner that I need to give each child the chance to spread their wings, be different and follow their own path.  (Besides which the idea of 6 Morgan robot children seems a tad bit frightening...so.many.Simpsons.quotes.)

Trust your instincts

I discussed this in my last post and I stand by it.  I tend to overthink things.  A lot.  I second guess, tweak, backtrack, worry, and stress.  And then I start the process all over until I am the queen of Crazy Town.  In the last few months I have worked on taking a deep breath, quieting my mind and just...listening.  No more second guessing, no more doubting.  Because the Lord gave me these kids for a reason.  He knows I can handle it, even when it seems like I can't.

As a mother you will make mistakes.  You will feel like you are losing your mind somedays.  You will feel overwhelmed, over burdened and over worked and entirely out of your element.   But you will also find great personal growth, laughter, and sweet, sweet moments of pure joy.

In the meantime, chill out.

Fear, Stress and Worry, Oh My!

Anxiety, fear, depression.  Is it just me or are we hearing these terms a whole lot more, recently?  The subject is a fascinating one to me--why is it that these ailments seem more prevalent?  Why do more of my family and friends seem afflicted with them?  And why, does it seem that they are creeping into my own life?

If you would have asked me five years ago if anxiety or fear were a normal part of my everyday life, I would have laughed--unless you count a fear of running out of Oreos. That's no laughing matter.  By and large, I have always been a "glass is half full" kind of gal.  An optimist at my core.  Yet, things have shifted in the last little while, and I've grown weary of it.

Somewhere along the line I have let worry worm it's way into my brain.  As I've thought about it I have realized that it has to do with control, or the lack thereof.  For a very long time as a mom of young kids, things were by and large in my control.  Sure it was tiring, and draining and there were tantrums and dirty diapers and all that jazz.  I've said it before--those things made sense to me.  With a little mom magic I could adjust the course of a tantrum, teach them to tie their shoes or ride a bike and tuck them in at the end of the day all safe and sound.  However as my children have grown, more and more is out of control and I am recognizing that this is where the fear and anxiety starts to form.

Recognizing where it comes from is one thing, but letting it go, is an entirely different story!  Not only that but I have been finding that these worries can paralyze me into doing nothing, because I'm not exactly sure where I should be heading.

And then today--an epiphany.

It came in the form of a quote by David A. Bednar:

“I invite you to embrace what the Lord has blessed you with and to act in faith. Do not take counsel from your fears."

I realized that I have been "taking counsel from my fears."  What if I just...stopped that?  What if I started trusting by acting?  What if instead of questioning the ideas that pop into my head, I just...went with them?  Realistically speaking, I can't think of any decision I have made that has turned out to be disastrous.  (Except that time I decided to give myself highlights.  I'm not making THAT mistake again...)  Did some of my decisions not work out?  Sure.  But nothing bad came out of them--at worst they were simply ineffective.  (I'm thinking of practically every allowance system we've had here.)  Frankly, my track record is not half bad.  Certainly there are more successes than failures.

It's the adversary that weasels his way into our psyche to make us think we are doing it wrong.  Doubts, fears, stress and anxiety don't come from God.  They don't.  And if I believe that God loves me and has His hand in my life, then I can let this stress go.  I can.

Will it be easy?  Probably not.  Usually when we stretch and grow, it isn't a piece of cake.  But it IS doable.  So I'm doing it.  I'm tired of the doubt and the fear and the worry.  I'm letting it go!  Who wants to join me?

Raising Teenagers: "Sit Down You're Rocking The Boat"

I've been thinking about parenting a lot lately.  And by "a lot" I mean like 99% of the time.  The other 1% is filled with Seinfeld quotes and the soundtrack to Guys and Dolls.  ("Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat."  I think that song might be a sub conscious statement on my parenting strategy!)  What is it about having teenagers that makes you question everything you do/think/say?  Oh, that's right--they are mini adults.  With opinions.  Opinions that don't always match your own.  They don't want to sit down--in fact, often they most definitely want to rock the boat.

We have terrific kids, however I think that I was misguided in how this parenting thing would play out.  For some naive reason I thought this would go a lot like their early years: You do what mom tells you, how she tells you and we are all happy.  The boat stays nice and steady.  Some days I miss the simpler times:

"Hold my hand when you cross the street."

"Eat your vegetables and you get dessert".

"Don't rub butter on your brother or you're in time out."

See?  Simple.

I'm starting to figure something out though.  Sometimes my way, isn't always the best way.  As parents we sometimes forget to take into account that part of the growing up process for our kids is actually to rock the boat.  This process means making more choices and often more mistakes.  It means trying new things and letting go of old interests.  And yes, sometimes it means questioning me, as their parent.

It's a leap of faith for me as a mother, this idea of letting go.  Sometimes it's positively maddening but it can also be so rewarding.  I mean, it'll make you crazy during the process when you can't figure out what in the heck they are thinking, but that's exactly what this growing up thing is:  a process.  Our kids need to do it their way--not our way.

So I'm working on trusting that process.  Sometimes I forget to give my kids the credit they deserve and I'm working on that.  I don't want cookie cutter kids.  I want kids who think for themselves, do things for the right reasons (not just because it is "expected' of them) and who can learn from their failures and emerge resilient.  We teach them them what a boat is, where the destination is and then we need to let them figure out how to row there.  Often that's with a whole lot of rocking.  Scary?  Yes.  Necessary?  Definitely.

But every once in a while I miss those brother butter smearing days...

What's Next? (I wish I knew).

I'm in a funk.  Not in a clinical depression type of a funk--more like a "yoga pants wearing, chocolate eating, Dateline viewing" type of funk.  The best way I can describe it is that I feel like there is something I am supposed to be doing.  I just can't figure out what that something is, exactly.

It stands to reason that it's some sort of mid life crisis.  After all, more than half of my kids are now adults and in four short years we will be empty nesters.  We have our first grandchild on the way,  I've got a few wrinkles and yesterday I threw my back out bending over.  Just bending over... Change is coming.  I'm just not sure what that change is for me and it's making me a little (ok a lot) crazy.

I've read a pile of self improvement books, listened to a boat load of podcasts and done a lot of soul searching.  Someone told me I should try meditation to bring on enlightenment.  All it did was bring on a nap.  (I think I did it wrong.)  I've prayed, counseled with my husband and spent way too much time pondering in my head.  And here is what I've come up with:

Nothing.

Well, except for the idea that this is teaching me patience and God isn't going to leave me hanging.  Most of my life I've sort of been going full steam ahead with being the busy mom of 6.  I've wiped a million rear ends, made thousands of lunches, chaperoned more than my share of field trips and helped at more PTA activities that I can count.  I've chaired events, raised money for band trips, chauffeured children to a mind boggling number of practices, and I've figured out that right now is my time to take a breath.  There is something waiting for me right around the corner and when it gets here it will be perfect for me, tailor made to help me stretch and grow and develop my talents.  I've just got to trust in the process and relax.

But in the meantime, I've got a Snickers bar to eat and Dateline to watch.

3 Surprising Parenting Lessons I've Learned

I like to think that I have become more flexible in the last few years.  Not in the yoga twisting gymnastics contorting way--in fact I'm pretty sure the opposite is true in that sense--but in my views on how to be a "successful" parent.  As I've been pondering this windy road of child rearing recently I've come up with 3 (Surprising) Parenting Lessons I've Learned:

1.  What Works With One Child Does Not Always Work With Another

This is one of parenting's greatest ironies.  With other areas of life, the more you practice something over and over (music, sports, writing, etc) the easier it is to replicate the results.  But because God wants to keep you guessing (and learning) he throws you a curve ball.  Your first child might soak up your wisdom like an obedient sponge but wait until you get the strong willed child that throws the sponge in your face.  It took me a while but I learned that sometimes you have to hide the sponge.  Or have someone else deliver it.

2. Comparing Will Make You Crazy

How often do you think that so and so's child is perfect and you wonder what you are doing wrong?  Well cut it out because here's the truth--your friend's child has their own "stuff" just like yours does.  It may be better hidden, or more private but I guarantee you, everyone has struggles.  Maybe it's anxiety or depression or an overwhelming need to please.  Maybe it's talking back or less than stellar grades or self esteem struggles.  Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.  Because that's life.  EVERYONE struggles!  The sooner you can worry about your little corner of the world and not your neighbor's, the less crazy you will be.


3.  Success Cannot Be Dependent On the Outcome

This was the most surprising to me and something, that if I'm being honest, I still struggle with.  I think we often mistakenly believe that if our children make choices that we don't like or approve of that we did something "wrong."  Dave repeatedly reminds me that we cannot judge our success as a parent on the choices our kids make. (And believe me, this is much easier said than done!)  Our job is to teach them well and trust in the process.  Sometimes we mess up and that's what apologies (and the atonement) are for.  Just because our children might not do exactly what we want them to, does not mean that we did a bad job of raising them.  Our job is to give them the tools they need to survive and thrive in this world and then sit back and be patient if they ignore those tools for the time being.  Who knows, they might actually be inventing a new and improved tool--but making you crazy in the meantime.

Parenting truly is a journey.  I wish earlier on I had let go of what I thought it was "supposed" to look like and instead embraced this often crazy road of raising children.  I've learned that the more I can trust in the process the more joy that comes from seeing my children growing and stretching and becoming the amazing individuals they are.  Now if I could just chill out, that would be a whole lot easier...

Walmart Encounter

Anyone who follows me on instagram or FB knows that I can't shut up about Walmart and it's grocery pick up service.  (Seriously, if you have not used this, do it now!  It is glorious!)  Walmart has redeemed itself because I have not been quiet about the fact that prior to this it's my least favorite place to shop--the aisles are always crowded, it's like a 5 mile hike between the milk and shampoo and sometimes the clientele there is...unique.

Which brings me to my strangest and most hilarious Walmart story.

Several years ago I had ordered a large amount of fried chicken for a cub scout event (because we all know how much I dislike cooking.  And cooking for large groups of people?  The worst!)  My plan was to pick the chicken up right before the event and so I loaded all the kids in the car and headed out to the dreaded big box store.  Now, I was in a hurry and keep in mind that I was clearly in the "Walmart is the devil" camp so my goal was one thing:  get in, get the chicken, get out.  I left the kids in the car, zoomed over to the chicken counter, got the goods and hopped in line.  And as anyone who has shopped at Walmart at dinner time knows, the lines are ENORMOUS!  So...I may have been slightly impatient...

Here is where it gets good.  In front of me in line was a family with two full grocery carts- and I don't know how to describe this family except to say that the story I made up for them in my head involved them living in the mountains for long stretches of time and then when supplies got low they headed down to Walmart to stock up.  They were a little grimy, loud and looked like they hadn't ever been to a dentist. But they were very nice.  And friendly.  The friendly part is important...

So here I am, checking my watch and trying to be more patient while the people behind me started to grumble.  Right then the patriarch of the mountain family looks at me and asks, "You got somewhere to be?"

Me:  "Oh, it's ok.  I have a dinner to get to but I''ll make it."

Man (leaning in two inches from my face):  "Just so you know, you can't have any of what's in my cart."

(At this point I look over at their carts--and I am not making this up--they were FILLED with electric blankets. Like the kind that look like wool blankets but with a plug?)

Me:  "No worries--but it looks like you have a lot of blankets there, that's for sure."

Man:  "You wanna know what we are gonna do with 'em?"

Me:  "Okay...?"

Man:  "We're gonna take 'em home, nail them to our floor and have a heated floor!!"  (I promise, I am not making that up!  That was honest to goodness what he said!  But wait, it gets even better.")

Me:  "Wow--well, uh, good luck with that."

At this point I realize this guy is totally staring at me which has started to make me slightly uncomfortable and then he points right at my chest and asks:

"ARE THEY REAL?"

"Excuse me??" (I'm thinking surely, surely he is not asking about my...breasts?? Because that's right where he is pointing.)

"YOUR'E TEETH!  ARE YOUR TEETH ALL YOURS?"

And THAT, is one reason I dislike shopping at Walmart.  Except their grocery pickup.  That thing is da bomb.

Women, You Are Enough

Today I watched my daughter leave for school.  She's almost 14 and rolled out of bed 10 minutes before the bus came.  Quickly she threw on a dress, her black combat boots and a jean jacket, pulled her hair up in a ponytail, grabbed her backpack and hot chocolate and headed out the door.  And I couldn't help but think of myself at that age.

I was the girl that put hot rollers in her hair every day, teased the bangs to perfection, dug into my giant arsenal of Covergirl cosmetics and checked herself in the mirror three times before leaving the house.  Sure, it was the 80's... but still.  I couldn't help thinking that I'm glad my daughter feels confident enough to not need an hour and half, 8 ounces of Aquanet and a Guess bag to feel complete when she leaves the house.  Sure, she has bad days and days when she thinks it's fun to dress up and do her make up.  She likes to shop and paint her nails and watch youtube fashion blogs.  But she doesn't need to do all that to feel like she belongs and I couldn't help but think there is a lesson in that.

Because we are enough.

We don't need to have a house that looks like it came out of the pages of a magazine.  We don't need to prove that what we do every day (whether it's work at home or out in the world) is valuable.  We don't need to have a big instagram following or awards attached to our name or lose 20 pounds to feel that we are enough.  We don't.

It's not our wealth or our looks or for heaven's sake our figures that make us who we are, and the older I get the more I understand that.  It's changing the ways I approach things in life.  I am trying to worry less about pleasing everyone and instead I'm accepting that sometimes people just don't like you quite so much.  I've learned that I can wear the same outfit 3 days in a row and it just doesn't matter, even if it's leggings and a sweatshirt.  This week I bought a bright highlighter yellow dress that is definitely not "my" color but makes me unbelievable happy when I wear it because I think it spreads a little sunshine on these dreary Pacific Northwest days.  And I'm making peace with my decision to ditch the scale and the dieting mentality.

I hope I can continue to foster that mentality in my daughter because she is enough.  I am enough.  We are all enough.

Keeping It Real

In what was a serious spur of the moment rebellion against social media perfection, I came up with something called "Keep It Real Friday."  This literally came about one Friday as I was scrolling thru Instagram and looked around my house and realized that I was about as far from pinterest perfect as I could be.  And I thought, "what the heck?  Maybe someone else can relate."  So I turned the camera on myself and showed the world (or my 200 instagram followers) the state of affairs.

Keep It Real Friday

In a weird way, it's become liberating.  Every week I post another "Keep It Real Friday" video and while I would like to tell you I spend a lot of time dreaming these babies up, the truth is, I don't.  And I don't rehearse them, although sometimes it takes me a couple of takes to get them into the 1 minute time frame.  (Because let's be real, I think more than one minute of me is probably too much.)  Sometimes I worry that they are self serving--which is the opposite of what I'm going for.  One day I just realized that while cute, fun pictures of my kids, or family, or house or latest vacation is all fine and good, it doesn't really paint a true picture of what life is like.

Life is messy.  And complicated.  It's hectic and boring and inspiring and maddening.  Some days are great but a lot of them are pretty run of the mill and sometimes they are miserable.  Our sinks are full of dirty dishes, beds are unmade and we use TVs as babysitters so we can get some peace and quiet.  Gourmet meals are a rarity, kids socks don't match and teenage meltdowns occur.  We laugh, play, cry and every once in a while throw our own adult tantrums.  But hopefully, in all of that we find the time to appreciate the moments, count our blessings and find joy in the journey.

So "Keep It Real Fridays" has been my way of embracing my less than picture perfect, but perfect for me life.  I hope you will join me.  Hop on over to our instagram account at morganlifeadvice and help us keep it real.

LaLa Land Mid Life Crisis

Last weekend Dave and I decided to pony up the big bucks and go to the movie theater to see the critically acclaimed "LaLa Land."  In case you haven't heard this movie is racking up awards faster than you can count and our son Davis loved it and has been playing the theme song for the last month.  I figured a musical would be a fun, light hearted end to our week.

Uh...wrong.

Have you seen this movie?  We loved it--but we hated it!  I don't want to give anything away but let's just say that we left the theater in a serious state of introspection (and possibly minor depression.)

(I realize after reading what I just typed that it paints the movie in a bad light.  I have a hard and fast rule that I don't see movies (or read books) with sad endings and I will say that seeing this movie didn't break that rule--I guess...I think the fact that I STILL can't decide if it's a happy or sad ending says something for the number this film did on me.)  Let's just say this movie will make you take a hard look at your life.

I can fully admit that I am currently in a state of "what am I doing with my life???"  I can see the end of my child rearing days and they aren't terribly far off.  For the last 24 years I've been raising kids.  I loved it--most of it.  (Potty training, two year old tantrums and teaching teens to drive I can do without.) From the time I can remember all I wanted to be was a mom and while raising a big family certainly has it challenges, it was exactly what I knew I should be doing.  And I've loved the ride.

And in less than 5 years, that ride is over.  Now, I want to be clear, I'm looking forward to what's ahead.  I just don't know what's ahead.  What does the next 25 years look like for Dave and me?  I'm hoping it involves cruises and visits to grandkids and the usual Disney trips.  I want to do more service, do more writing and who knows, maybe bring this podcast dream to fruition.  But it's all a little murky and just a tiny bit scary.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to savor these last few years.  I want to be more thoughtful, more engaged, more present.  And someone needs to answer this question for me:  What is UP with the end of that movie???

Family Picture Purgatory

Recently I came across this video on Facebook which I find both hilarious and a perfect analogy of every family picture session we have ever experienced.

https://www.facebook.com/BuzzFeedAnimals/videos/1444061692282488/

I can't be the only one that absolutely dreads getting family pictures.  Let's start with the obvious:  you have to come up with something to wear. You know, something matching but not too matching because you don't want it to look like you are trying too hard or have resurrected the Olan Mills portrait days.  Then, to make matters worse, your kids have opinions about what to wear.  And those opinions usually don't have anything to do with the outfits you've spent hours picking out.  No, they want to wear their lucky shirt and crocs and somehow aquatic shoes don't quite fit in your vision of the perfect family portrait.

Then assuming you can get everyone dressed, in the car and to the place on time you have to endure the picture taking session.  I can't decide what's worse, getting a picture taken with a bunch of toddlers/pre teens who either a) are positively starving or b) have to go to the bathroom.  Or getting a picture taken with six teenager/young adults who are wittier and more passive aggressive than you. Again.  Either situation is a toss up in misery.

Now comes the part where you have to actually touch each other.  Like put your arms around each other or at the very least squeeze in tight which is positively the worst thing you could ask them to do apparently.  Scrubbing toilets with a toothbrush would be better than this.  Eating a bowl full of broccoli would be cake compared to everyone huddled together in an unnatural position looking at the camera all at once with a mildly pleasant look on their faces.

Torture.  I'm telling you.

So here's what I've done over the years:  embraced it.

If everyone doesn't match, so what.  Maybe those Batman high tops will end up being a super cool reminder of your son's personality.  They don't want to touch each other?  The goofy poses they come up with tell a better, more realistic story anyway.  The perfect family picture?  It doesn't really exist.  At least not for this family.

And that's ok.  Because we are keeping it real.

If you are local and looking for some fantastic family pictures with minimal amount of torture, we highly recommend Clouds in Bloom Photography 
Clouds in Bloom

Thinking Of Jumping Off the FB Ship? Try This Instead

People are bailing left and right off this ship.  The Facebook ship that is.  Just today I saw multiple friends who said they're out, they can't take it anymore.  I get it, I totally do and I wasn't far behind.  But then I had a thought, what if instead of taking ourselves out of the game, we turned the game around???

What if instead of doomsday posts about how our country is going down we posted about serving those around us?

What if instead of political rants, we engaged in thoughtful discussion?

What if instead of casting blame, we offered help, instead of calling others bigots we offered enlightenment, instead of foul language we offered kind words?  The possibilities of how we can turn the tide are endless:

*Bring on the family pictures--we need more of those.  And I don't just mean the picture perfect family moments.  Show me your not so perfect moments so I know you're real just like me.

*Post a picture of nature--a sunset, the mountains, the woods, or any other amazing creation.  We are surrounded by beauty and it can counteract all the ugliness.

*Share inspiring quotes--because maybe they are cheesy, but it starts my day off a whole lot better than another political diatribe that just riles me up.

*Cat pictures.  I can't believe I'm saying it, but cat pictures are better than what we currently have clogging up our feeds.

I'm not saying we have to be Pollyannas (though we could probably all stand to have a little more Pollyanna attitude gracing our lives.)  I think there is room for thoughtful discourse--I'm just not seeing a lot of it right now. I think some cat pictures might for once actually help...

And if you are looking for more of this sort of content, head on over to Instagram where you can follow us on morganlifeadvice.  We keep it real and hopefully bring a smile to your face.

Who is with me?

Snowmageddon

It was Snowmageddon here.  Or the Storm of the Century or Snowpocolypse.  I can't remember what the news stations actually called it but it was dramatic and for once here in the Pacific Northwest, they weren't too far off base.  See, in this part of the country snow is a bit of rarity and when you see the forecast calling for some snowflakes you think only one thing:  Snow Day!  As a child you would wait for that call to come in that the 1/2 inch of snow dust coating the roads meant the busses couldn't possibly get out and you get the blessed day off.  Heaven!

Well, this year Heaven lasted more than a week.

That's right folks and that week came right on the heels of Christmas break.

I felt sorry for my friends who are moms of little kids.  Because I get it, I do.  You've just survived having them home for two weeks and are looking forward to getting them back on schedule and a few precious hours to yourself where you don't have to police sibling squabbles or constantly feed and pick up after them.  I've been there.  I mean you're talking to a woman who used to pray for all day kindergarten only to have it become a reality the year AFTER her youngest started to school.  It was like the kindergarten gods were mocking me because we all know half day kindergarten is really just kindergarten hell--not enough time to actually get anything done and not worth the trouble of getting the kid up, fed, dressed and to the bus stop on time.  (I might be a little bitter about this still...)

But snow days with teenagers?  That's a whole different story.  Let me tell you what THAT looks like:

*sleeping in (for Mom too)
*no lunches to make
*late night movies and puzzle making
*no nagging to complete homework
*no mom taxi service

And the best thing of all:

*no nighttime obligations.  School concerts, games, meetings are all cancelled when school cancels and that means a rare quiet night at home.

It's funny how quickly life changes without you even noticing.  It honestly doesn't seem like that long ago that I was listening to Nick Jr and praying the district would abolish teacher in-service days so I could get some peace and quiet.  So I loved Snowmageddon for what it was.  A chance to enjoy the blessings of being the mom of a house full of teenagers.  And the sleeping in.  Let's not forget the sleeping in.

Over Scheduled and Stressed Out

“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.” 

― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Over scheduled.  As a society, as families, as individuals we are over scheduled.  Have you ever asked a friend how they are and gotten in response the mile long list of all that they have going on?  And it's said with a bit of eye rolling but almost a little badge of honor.  It's like we've come to expect that unless all of our waking hours are filled with places to be and things to do that say, "we matter" we don't think we...matter.  Then to top it off we push those ideas onto our kids by filling their lives with dance lessons, music lessons, drama productions, choir, band, sports of every kind, after school clubs and who knows what else.

I've been there.  I've done that.  And I'm taking a step back.  Because I value my sanity more than I value my sense of accomplishment at this point in my life.

As a mom of 6 kids I've done scouts, sports, dance lessons every day of the week , piano lessons (and even a brief stint of tuba lessons.)  I've been PTA president, booster president and held all sorts of other board positions.  I serve in my church, attend lots of meetings and STILL manage to feel guilty that cooking a real dinner is the exception not the rule.  But over the last few months I've decided to come up for air.

It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it.

It started with my daughter deciding not to dance this year.  I'm not going to lie--that was a tough one for me.  She's talented and I enjoy watching her perform.  My psychologist husband would probably say it involved a little vicarious living on my part.  (In his words, "you're gonna have to let this go.")  He was right and you know what I've found?  She's happier.  She's more content.  She comes home from school and takes time to relax and unwind from the day instead of cramming a snack in her mouth, changing her clothes and piling in the car.  She's no longer stressed out about being late, or missing class or not measuring up to the other girls at the studio.  We have more time as a family, and spend A LOT less time in the car and more time talking and doing puzzles and just...being.  Perhaps in the future she'll change her mind and decide she wants to dance.  But maybe she won't, and it's ok.  She's learning that her value as a young woman isn't in all she does or the titles she wears or how busy she makes herself.

Which caused me to do some self introspection.  I realized that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't always the healthiest to fill every waking moment with something "worthwhile."  Maybe just because you're "good' at something doesn't mean you have to do that something.  Just because it's a worthwhile venture doesn't mean that it's worth your time or sanity at the moment.  Perhaps I didn't need to be the one to fix everything or offer an opinion or volunteer for every presented opportunity.  

Don't get me wrong--I'm not knocking dance or volunteering or anything else.  What I AM knocking is forgetting where are our priorities are or feeling like we have to be "busy" to matter.  Because we don't.  

So I've let some things go.  They weren't easy decisions but they were the right decisions and THAT, is what matters. 

Why Sarcasm Is Killing Your Relationships

Sarcasm.  It can be clever (like Hugh Laurie in "House").  It can be funny (Jerry Seinfeld anyone?). It can even be self deprecating (think Chris Farley and "Fat Guy in a Little Suit".) But it comes at a cost.  And that cost may just be the important relationships in your life.

See, we mistake sarcasm as a funny approach to dealing with people.  It stems from the inability to really connect--to develop a bond of emotional intimacy.  It's a barrier, a shield that we put up when we are uncomfortable or afraid.  Sometimes we don't even realize we are doing it, particularly if it's become a habit.  We say things like "nice job," or  "smooth move," when we see someone make a mistake instead of saying "are you ok" or "how can I help you?"   We jokingly say "don't mess up" to our kids before they perform because it's harder to say, "we've got your back and believe in you."  We "sarcastically" call our wife the "old ball and chain" or our husband "my other child" because we don't have the confidence to say that they are our better half and we'd be lost without them.

And when we do all those things all we are doing is putting a big wedge in our relationships.  Because it's scary to be open and honest in our feelings and it's much more comfortable to blanket our statements with sarcasm.  And yet, think about it.  Sarcasm is killing your relationships by sending some pretty devastating messages:

You don't fit in.

You don't belong.

You aren't important to me.

I don't trust you.

I don't appreciate you.

I don't believe in you.



I can be better.  You can be better.  We can all be better.  It doesn't take much--a kind word, a helping hand, a welcoming smile.  That's all.  And I'm not even being sarcastic:)